Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I do think there's a difference between unnecessary nitpicking and what's known as "weaponized incompetence." If one spouse just doesn't like the way the other one folds laundry because it's not how they'd do it they can get over that. But if the other spouse is on laundry duty but is constantly ruining clothes or not getting stains out or not putting things away at all, that's a half-assed job and is worthy of a bit of criticism.
I do think there's a difference between unnecessary nitpicking and what's known as "weaponized incompetence." If one spouse just doesn't like the way the other one folds laundry because it's not how they'd do it they can get over that. But if the other spouse is on laundry duty but is constantly ruining clothes or not getting stains out or not putting things away at all, that's a half-assed job and is worthy of a bit of criticism.
Some of it (the way they do the chore) is a mismatch in priorities and abilities, and some (the arguing, sniping, sarcasm etc.) is probably a mismatch of people.
Partners who care for each other, come from the mindset that: These are our kids, this is our home, our finances, etc. Naturally, we want to do the best job we can on all of those things.
Partners who like each other, have ways of pointing out things that they would like to see done better, without making the other person feel like a target.
Seems for her it was a learned behavior from her parents. Her mom died when she was 12 so I never met her. I heard from her older siblings that her mom and dad use to have some real fights because of their drinking, neither of us drink.
My attitude has always been "If you see something that bothers you, don't complain...fix it.
I remember one time, my ex husband came home drunk from bowling night, and started complaining about cobwebs up in the corners of the ceiling.
I told him "Dude, my eyes are closer to the floor everyday taking care of a toddler and a baby. I don't see the cobwebs. Nothing's stopping you from getting a broom and getting the cobwebs yourself."
I dont think in my entire life I have known of a man to notice a cobweb in the house.
I have grown into the attitude also, if it bothers you just fix it.
My deal is with my grown son who lives with me. When he does dishes (which is almost as much as me) he doesnt put many things back where they go. So it is kind of like an easter egg hunt when I need something. But I say nothing because he does a lot to help me.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
