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Not saying all women do this but I’ve know some women who do this. Their partner (husband or boyfriend) does some household chore and instead of positive recognition, the lady finds fault with how it was done. Does dishes, he didn’t use enough dishwashing liquid. Did dishes, but he didn’t also dry and put away dishes. Swept the floor, but he missed these spaces. Mopped the floor, but he didn’t do it right. Vacuumed the rug, but he didn’t do it right. Dusting furniture and shelves, but you missed this or didn’t do it the way “I do it”. With all this negative feedback is it any wonder the boyfriend or husband stops trying?
Is this something you learned from how your mom treated your dad? Have you ever considered positive feedback first and then asking politely for them to do it differently next time? Have you ever considered being thankful he made the effort to help out?
That is an inadvertent type of control. Talk to her and let her know how that makes you feel and that you will eventually stop helping if nothing is ever right. Ask her to show you how she likes it done and try doing it. If that doesn't work, go to the bar and get a drink with your friends. :-)
A lot of the time it really isn't done right, (meaning they didn't actually clean or put things away in a way that doesn't cause more work) and the other person has to redo it. Sometimes it's intentional passive aggressive behavior to do things wrong so the other person will always have to do all the work.
With something like laundry clothing can be permanently ruined if it isn't done correctly. Dusting wrong can actually cause more dust. Putting dishes sloppily in the dishwasher can cause you to have to do more loads, wasting energy and time.
If partners are going to share chores they might want to discuss the best way to do it for the household not the just the way they individually feel like doing it. That includes over-doing things in OCD ways too, just as wasteful as doing things sloppily.
I lived with one of those OCD types who complained about how I cleaned one day I took a picture after she cleaned the next week I took another picture, showed them both to her and they looked identical, she said "you can't tell by a photo how clean a room is" I will never get with a neat freak again lol.
She said I was a "surface cleaner" while she actually cleaned. lol if I put that much time into cleaning I would end up sitting in one spot and never moving for fear of having to clean again lol.
Not saying all women do this but I’ve know some women who do this. Their partner (husband or boyfriend) does some household chore and instead of positive recognition, the lady finds fault with how it was done. Does dishes, he didn’t use enough dishwashing liquid. Did dishes, but he didn’t also dry and put away dishes. Swept the floor, but he missed these spaces. Mopped the floor, but he didn’t do it right. Vacuumed the rug, but he didn’t do it right. Dusting furniture and shelves, but you missed this or didn’t do it the way “I do it”. With all this negative feedback is it any wonder the boyfriend or husband stops trying?
Is this something you learned from how your mom treated your dad? Have you ever considered positive feedback first and then asking politely for them to do it differently next time? Have you ever considered being thankful he made the effort to help out?
Because they didnt do it right. Are men children that should be praised for doing a crappy job of washing dishes or cleaning the floor? I cant say I ever got positive recognition for doing chores.
Not saying all men do this but I've know many who intentionally do a half arsed job as not to be asked to do it again. As if they should have to be asked to begin with.
Because they didnt do it right. Are men children that should be praised for doing a crappy job of washing dishes or cleaning the floor? I cant say I ever got positive recognition for doing chores.
Not saying all men do this but I've know many who intentionally do a half arsed job as not to be asked to do it again. As if they should have to be asked to begin with.
I've kept up wtih this thread, but my first impression from reading the original post is that the question was about women being negative. I suppose using gender traditional chores to make points is useful but to me the underlying, fundamental original question is about women being negative.
In my mind it's pretty simple:
1) the woman isn't in love with the partner/spouse; and/or
2) the woman needs to intimidate and criticize in order to have the upper hand in the relationship.
Neither situation, and especially not both, is not something that is healthy for either party, but especially not healthy for the person being criticized.
I've kept up wtih this thread, but my first impression from reading the original post is that the question was about women being negative. I suppose using gender traditional chores to make points is useful but to me the underlying, fundamental original question is about women being negative.
In my mind it's pretty simple:
1) the woman isn't in love with the partner/spouse; and/or
2) the woman needs to intimidate and criticize in order to have the upper hand in the relationship.
Neither situation, and especially not both, is not something that is healthy for either party, but especially not healthy for the person being criticized.
Thats a whole different ballgame.
I agree with you if it is about general negativity regarding one's spouse.
Isn't that what the OP posted originally? That his wife is always criticizing how he does things? Constantly harping on him and making him feel like he can't do anything right?
When someone does that to me I tell them to take a hike and keep their damn opinions to themselves. Or I ignore them because they deserve to be ignored.
Isn't that what the OP posted originally? That his wife is always criticizing how he does things? Constantly harping on him and making him feel like he can't do anything right?
When someone does that to me I tell them to take a hike and keep their damn opinions to themselves. Or I ignore them because they deserve to be ignored.
No, he said he knows women who give their husbands negative feedback when they try to help (specifically with housework). I find that different than being negative about everything, one's job, looks, goals, hobbies, friends, ect. Negative feedback for specific chores, dish washing, mowing the lawn, detailing the car, etc. is different especially if you did a crap job of it.
My mother was like that but she did it to me and my siblings too not just Dad. She was not mentally stable. I don't know if that made any difference.
I'd say there is more behind the women's actions as you described. Resentment or contempt probably.
This was my experience too. I also think that there are gender specific ways in which men are negative toward women. Iti isn't something exclusive to women.
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I will never get with a neat freak again lol.
