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There are many women out there who have ruined an otherwise good relationship for another guy just because he was great in bed. I think you meant to say "as zentropa I can't relate" instead of "as a woman". And yes...people, not just men, can be simple creatures.
I don’t understand: “Women have ruined a relationship for another guy because he was great in bed” which one?
Is this a guy thing? Because as a woman I can't relate. You find love and compatibility, but can't stop thinking about someone else who's "better" in bed? I mean, what makes her "better"? I would think sex would be "better" with someone you are in love with but what do I know? Men are mysterious yet simple creatures.
As a woman, I can relate. Of course sex is better/worse with different people, unrelated to love.
I don’t understand: “Women have ruined a relationship for another guy because he was great in bed” which one?
"There are many women out there who have ruined an otherwise good relationship for another guy just because he was great in bed"
I think he meant that there are women who have ruined good relationships with good men, just so they could have great sex (or just plain have sex) with someone else, outside the relationship.
And he's not wrong. There are women out there, who are as silly and thoughtless and immature as this guy seems to be, who have thrown it all away for a good lay.
"There are many women out there who have ruined an otherwise good relationship for another guy just because he was great in bed"
I think he meant that there are women who have ruined good relationships with good men, just so they could have great sex (or just plain have sex) with someone else, outside the relationship.
And he's not wrong. There are women out there, who are as silly and thoughtless and immature as this guy seems to be, who have thrown it all away for a good lay.
Ok thanks, I get confused when somebody starts off with “what you meant to say”, when I understood what she was trying to say in the first place.
And also, I think we had a thread here before where women were talking about yeah, they remember “that one guy”… that doesn’t mean we end up having a relationship with him, or leaving a relationship for him. Some men are better in bed as well but not good for a LTR.
I can't believe you're about to mess up the best thing that's ever happened to you, and that others are advising you to do exactly that! However, one person raised a good point: you've never mentioned in your description of your ideal partner, the current one, whether you love her. You've only said she checks all the boxes.
OP, have you ever loved anyone? Have you ever been in love? Are you in love now, or did you just happen to score a really cool, beautiful woman to date?
My guess is, that you're too immature for the relationship you're in. But I also think (since you mentioned you don't know who to talk to about it), you should get some counseling from a professional. Maybe a therapist can help you get your head screwed on right. I think you should at least try that, in case it works, before you just walk away from the best thing that's ever happened to you. If you walk away, chasing after a cheap thrill, you'll have to face the next 10-20 years looking for another LTR-worthy partner. The chances of you finding that are pretty slim, unless you mature enough in the meantime to realize that it's not so much about looks, but about character. At the moment, you seem to have both all rolled into one. The chances of your finding that again are virtually nil. Think about that.
And your future search for a serious partner will be forever colored by memories of your current partner. You'll compare all future dates with her: no one will be as beautiful as her, as generous, as spontaneously thoughtful of you, blah blah. Unless, again, you gain a lot of maturity and wisdom. But still, you'll be beating yourself up over "the one that got away". The one you threw away.
Oh and btw, that 20-year-old is no longer 20. You realize that, don't you? I don't know why everyone else here is referring to her as a 20-year-old. Take the number of yrs that have passed since you last saw her, and add those to 20. That's her current age. Basic math, OP.
Sheesh.
Last edited by Ruth4Truth; 09-22-2022 at 11:01 AM..
Ok thanks, I get confused when somebody starts off with “what you meant to say”, when I understood what she was trying to say in the first place.
And also, I think we had a thread here before where women were talking about yeah, they remember “that one guy”… that doesn’t mean we end up having a relationship with him, or leaving a relationship for him. Some men are better in bed as well but not good for a LTR.
I remember that thread, and in it I made the point that the healthiest relationships will be the ones where the woman did end up with "that guy", and if your long term partner isn't that guy, or at least one of those guys on your short list, it can lead to an unhealthy dynamic in the relationship. I got agreement from some of the ladies in that thread, both in the comments and as rep points comments.
The situation presented in this thread hits on the same dynamic with the genders reversed.
No problem. Tell your current girlfriend that it is time that you both start seeing other people. You should not stay in any relationship where you are not happy. Go bang your wild child until she moves on to someone else.
Your current girlfriend sounds like a prize and there will be some other man who has more sense than you do who will snatch her up and hang onto to her for all he is worth, treating her well and appreciating what he's got. In the meantime, she most certainly deserves better than you.
I can't believe you're about to mess up the best thing that's ever happened to you, and that others are advising you to do exactly that! However, one person raised a good point: you've never mentioned in your description of your ideal partner, the current one, whether you love her. You've only said she checks all the boxes.
OP, have you ever loved anyone? Have you ever been in love? Are you in love now, or did you just happen to score a really cool, beautiful woman to date?
My guess is, that you're too immature for the relationship you're in. But I also think (since you mentioned you don't know who to talk to about it), you should get some counseling from a professional. Maybe a therapist can help you get your head screwed on right. I think you should at least try that, in case it works, before you just walk away from the best thing that's ever happened to you. If you walk away, chasing after a cheap thrill, you'll have to face the next 10-20 years looking for another LTR-worthy partner. The chances of you finding that are pretty slim, unless you mature enough in the meantime to realize that it's not so much about looks, but about character. At the moment, you seem to have both all rolled into one. The chances of your finding that again are virtually nil. Think about that.
And your future search for a serious partner will be forever colored by memories of your current partner. You'll compare all future dates with her: no one will be as beautiful as her, as generous, as spontaneously thoughtful of you, blah blah. Unless, again, you gain a lot of maturity and wisdom. But still, you'll be beating yourself up over "the one that got away". The one you threw away.
Oh and btw, that 20-year-old is no longer 20. You realize that, don't you? I don't know why everyone else here is referring to her as a 20-year-old. Take the number of yrs that have passed since you last saw her, and add those to 20. That's her current age. Basic math, OP.
Sheesh.
Nil?
Nah, relationships aren't that hard to find.
He's got his whole life ahead of him.
And if he's hound dogging after the younger woman (you're right about her current age) it's a clear sign he's not ready to settle down yet.
Women come easily to some men, sounds like OP is one of them.
I can't believe you're about to mess up the best thing that's ever happened to you, and that others are advising you to do exactly that! However, one person raised a good point: you've never mentioned in your description of your ideal partner, the current one, whether you love her. You've only said she checks all the boxes.
OP, have you ever loved anyone? Have you ever been in love? Are you in love now, or did you just happen to score a really cool, beautiful woman to date?
My guess is, that you're too immature for the relationship you're in. But I also think (since you mentioned you don't know who to talk to about it), you should get some counseling from a professional. Maybe a therapist can help you get your head screwed on right. I think you should at least try that, in case it works, before you just walk away from the best thing that's ever happened to you. If you walk away, chasing after a cheap thrill, you'll have to face the next 10-20 years looking for another LTR-worthy partner. The chances of you finding that are pretty slim, unless you mature enough in the meantime to realize that it's not so much about looks, but about character. At the moment, you seem to have both all rolled into one. The chances of your finding that again are virtually nil. Think about that.
And your future search for a serious partner will be forever colored by memories of your current partner. You'll compare all future dates with her: no one will be as beautiful as her, as generous, as spontaneously thoughtful of you, blah blah. Unless, again, you gain a lot of maturity. But still, you'll be beating yourself up over "the one that got away". The one you threw away.
Oh and btw, that 20-year-old is no longer 20. You realize that, don't you? I don't know why everyone else here is referring to her as a 20-year-old. Take the number of yrs that have passed since you last saw her, and add those to 20. That's her current age. Basic math, OP.
Sheesh.
Well, we don't really know that. She might've been 19 when he first met her, and she's 20 now.
But also, if she's not 20 anymore...she's 21.
He got divorced in January of 2021. Took a couple of months to do some deep thinking...so that takes him up to Feb, or March maybe April of 21...and then he has a series of hookups, wherein, he meets the younger girl. Soooo, this was all around April.
I don't think it is that unusual to be dating one woman and feel a spark of attraction for someone else. But most functional adults, can recognize when they have a pretty good thing going and don't want to screw that up either.
So this does seem like a maturity problem where you just aren't that well sorted out yourself. The search process to find a really good match generally is fairly arduous. I always thought that search process though tended to make us more loyal once we have finally found a good match because who wants to invest all of that time trying to find someone equally good.
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