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Thing is, the OP may have met the perfect woman for him, at an imperfect time.
Sometimes you are not looking to settle down. BUT, the grass is always greener... he had the sex, and found the life partner, he was super happy, now looks back on the sex partner with longing...
If he goes back to the sex partner, will he regret giving up the full package?
Does HE know what he wants?
I wouldn't fault him for either decision. I will fault him for wanting to walk the line wanting both. He needs to figure out what it is he wants, and cut the other loose. Literally, and emotionally.
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Just tell the 20 year old that you’re seeing someone who you’re in love with. Shut it down. Time will give you relief and a sense of perspective. It’s that simple.
In any event, you just aren't emotionally ready for a relationship it seems.
It isn't about either women. 20 year old is just an object, you didn't care to find out more. 27 year old it’s been a few months, you don't know her either. You talk about her like an acquisition.
You just aren't ready or interested in another yoke on your freedom.
It’s a cliche behavior that some mentioned on this thread. The not having to invest or make effort in a relationship after having won the person over- very common, and makes it impossible to have a real relationship. Or not valuing it after acquiring it, doing things to undermine it, creating a rupture because you cannot handle a relationship and hate losing out on other options, assume an endless tap of options exists.
Or you can pick up the object again after putting it down. Shouldn't assume anybody wants to wait around for a shaky commitment and drama.
But it’s common the person doing stop/start drama gets mad, like the dropped person should be waiting and eager. It’s a strange deluded arrogance or narcissism.
It’s as though if a person shows devotion, they are subordinate, person’s head gets so inflated and then they view the other as a drain, liability or threat to their liberty.
Some just aren't able to have a healthy relationship because those become routine and mundane at some point. Stability isn’t exciting.
It sounds like you are absolving yourself of the responsibility to make your own decision and are trying to off load the decision on your 27 year old girlfriend to either force her to accept a non-monogamous relationship (so you can go screw the 20 year old) or end the relationship herself because the idea of sharing you with a 20 year old is so disgusting.
I'm curious...without getting graphic, what is so exciting about the 20 year old and what does she "do" sexually that you're willing to dump a beautiful, wonderful woman? At the end of the day, sex with the 20 year old will eventually get routine and same old same old too. There are only so many ways to do it.
I don't believe there's such a thing as karma in this world.
I know people who have cheated on their spouse/partner and are still with them, and have kids and the whole she-bang. Picturesque family.
Of course, if you get caught, that's different, but that's not karma.
And I know people who will stay with dying spouses and partners and will be left with nothing.
By the same token, topics like taking care of elderly parents, or taking advantage of others at work, etc. Doing the 'right' thing doesn't guarantee some kind of reward later.
You either do it or you don't. We're worm food either way. People are pre-disposed by adulthood to go one way or the other. And they typically will, despite what anybody 'advises' them.
I don't believe there's such a thing as karma in this world.
I don’t either. That said, the decision to do what’s necessary to create a healthy/loving/mutually-satisfying relationship is directly connected to one’s own happiness (or not) i.e. it isn’t about karma or ‘doing the right thing’ in and of itself. If it’s not what one wants, or they aren’t happy for whatever reason, then speak-up and effectively communicate such; it’s not rocket science. Else, remain unhappy.
Quote:
Originally Posted by jobaba
I know people who have cheated on their spouse/partner and are still with them, and have kids and the whole she-bang. Picturesque family.
Why wouldn’t one stand-up for what they want (or don’t want).
Let’s see…you’re ready to throw away a relationship with a woman who is seemingly perfect for a romp in the hay with a 20 year old you admit you know little about except she gets your motor running. You deserve what you get.
This. Other than that, I need to focus on closing my dropped jaw at the original post.
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