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I'm 30, and my nine-year marriage ended in January 2021. A couple of months of soul searching on my own was followed up by a string of fun hookups, and doing things I guess I missed out on doing when I was in my early twenties.
There was one girl, she is 20 so a bit younger than me, but she blew my mind away. In a sense. It was all in the bedroom. I don't think I knew much about her at all, in fact, we only ever met up to sleep together. But, without going into detail, it was better than anything I had ever had before, or have had since.
But all the while, I remember thinking I just want to meet someone who has their own life, and wants to share mine, share each others interests, etc etc.
Fast forward to March 22 and I meet this girl, she is 27, and ticks just about every box I could hope for in a relationship. It had been over a year since me and my ex split at this point and I felt ready.
She is kind. She is caring. She is beautiful. All my friends tell me I'm punching above my weight. She has a very successful career and makes good money. She takes an active interest in my interests, even so far as to watching football and motor racing with me, purely so she can be a part of my life.
I'm writing a novel, and she is the only person who has ever read my (frankly awful) first draft. For my birthday, she gave me an actual book version of my novel, printed. The thought that went into that gift makes me cry even just typing this because I feel so awful.
She travels a lot with work. She knows I love baseball caps, I have a huge collection. She buys me one from every country she goes to. This may sound materialistic, but it's not, I'm just trying to find examples of the things she does for me without me ever asking for it.
I literally cannot find a single flaw in my relationship with her. If you had asked me a year ago what qualities would I want in a person, she would tick just about every single box. My family and friends love her. But most importantly, I love her.
Then it all goes down the drain.
The 20 year old messages me out of the blue, asking to see me for 'fun time'. She says she misses me and thinks it could have worked.
Naturally, I haven't betrayed my girl. But I am here because there is nothing more my physical body wants me to do. It's been around 2 weeks since she texted me, and though I haven't responded, it is affecting my life. I can't stop lusting after her. I'm being short with my girl for absolutely no fault of her own. Even sleeping with her, I find myself thinking about this other girl without even realising. I am suddenly finding faults with my girl, almost as if my brain is trying to find excuses to leave her and go back to this 20 year old. The only one single thing the 20 year old has is that she was the 'best' I've ever had, talking purely from a lust perspective.
I feel awful. I just want to want my girl. I want this lusting for this other girl to go away. Even as I type this I feel like a god-awful human being, and I don't know who to talk to about it because I am scared of people I know judging me for A) lusting over a girl 10 years younger than me and B) not appreciating what I have.
And even if the 20 year old was a candidate for a relationship despite all the above, she is at uni 3/4 hours away with people her own age. I work away so would see her maybe one night a fortnight. There is no way in which it would work, yet my brain won't stop.
When I was chasing my girl she was all I ever wanted. Now I have her, and she almost worships me (she doesn't literally, I just can't find the right word)... and now it's like I'm bored because I know I have it. Like a spoiled child.
And I need someone to give me some home truths, because like I said, it is starting to affect my life and my relationship. I feel shallow, weak, and undeserving of my girl.
You may accidently solve it quickly if you continue misbehaving with your 27-year-old. It won't be long before she senses something is amiss.
I do get the situation you are in. You REALLY want the 20-year-old right now. Go down that road, and you lose the woman that you seem to think is more right for you in terms of a potential life partner.
Maybe you can take some solace in the fact that you already had the 20-year-old, and probably got the very best she could offer. Hopefully you can convince yourself that is good enough.
Time to break it off with this 27 year old, and go on back to the 20 year old and try to resume previous activities.
You act like things are out of control and you cannot control your urges (like it's not your fault). You actually do have control of your life, and anything else is an excuse to pursue this younger girl.
Many people always want what they cannot have, and this is a classic case of that. Once the pursuit and chase is over, boredom sets in until the next 'conquest.'
You owe it to this girl to break things off and move on. If I was dating a girl, and if I found out she still had lusty feelings and a deep desire to hook up with a former fling, I'd want to know so I could stop wasting my energy on that person, and move on.
Time to break it off with this 27 year old, and go on back to the 20 year old and try to resume previous activities.
You act like things are out of control and you cannot control your urges (like it's not your fault). You actually do have control of your life, and anything else is an excuse to pursue this younger girl.
Many people always want what they cannot have, and this is a classic case of that. Once the pursuit and chase is over, boredom sets in until the next 'conquest.'
You owe it to this girl to break things off and move on. If I was dating a girl, and if I found out she still had lusty feelings and a deep desire to hook up with a former fling, I'd want to know so I could stop wasting my energy on that person, and move on.
I was going to suggest something similar.
No point snipping at your gf, it's not fair to her. She sounds like a wonderful person, she deserves someone who truly loves her.
You're lusting after 20 yo, that tells you right there you're not ready for serious commitment.
It's too soon after your divorce to get serious anyway, especially after marriage at a very young age.
If you're not exclusive with 27 yo, don't make a complete break just be honest with her about seeing others. Then she can make up her own mind if she's okay with that.
If you've both said you wanted to be exclusive though that will be handled a different way and might require a break.
Let’s see…you’re ready to throw away a relationship with a woman who is seemingly perfect for a romp in the hay with a 20 year old you admit you know little about except she gets your motor running. You deserve what you get.
For your girlfriend's sake, break up with her. She deserves better. Let her go now rather than hang in there and screw it up in a few more years.
If your gf was right for you you wouldn't be mooning over the 20 year old. Maybe it will work with the 20 year old. Maybe you will find someone else that is a better fit for you than either of these two women. But right now it's obvious you are not in a place where settling down is working for you.
No point snipping at your gf, it's not fair to her. She sounds like a wonderful person, she deserves someone who truly loves her.
You're lusting after 20 yo, that tells you right there you're not ready for serious commitment.
It's too soon after your divorce to get serious anyway, especially after marriage at a very young age.
If you're not exclusive with 27 yo, don't make a complete break just be honest with her about seeing others. Then she can make up her own mind if she's okay with that.
If you've both said you wanted to be exclusive though that will be handled a different way and might require a break.
To me it also sounds like he's trying to have it both ways as you touch upon.
If things don't work out with this 20 year old, then he thinks he can always fall back on the 27 year old.
I don't however think he is in any position to be honest with the 27 year old about seeing others. By her actions she is more than exclusive with him, always thinking about him and going out of her way to make him happy. There's no way she's going to accept such a humiliation of being told that he has the hots for some other girl.
As mentioned, ideally the OP will just break it off sooner than later with this 27 year old. It's not going to be pleasant at all, which is another reason why he is stretching this out. He's probably too scared to man up and be honest with the 27 year old that he really isn't that into her. If one truly loves another person, there's no way in hell thoughts of sleeping with another person would cross their mind (especially to the point that they are obsessed 24/7 with those thoughts).
I am guessing this is fake because no one could be this ignorant. But in the unlikely chance that this is a real post, read on.
If you have to even ask this question, then you don't love the girlfriend. You have everything you could ever want in a woman and you would even slightly consider anything from some strumpet who will sleep with a guy with no stings attached. You really have some serious issues. Someone like you will never be satisfied. Sorry to be so blunt but there are many men who have far less of a woman in their life and would never consider cheating on her. I guess the best thing to do is tell the currently girl that you want to screw some 20 year old for the mind blowing sex and not to worry about it because it means nothing. If she says its ok, go for it. If not, she found out the kind of person you are and will thank you for it. Good luck.
Last edited by trusso11783; 09-22-2022 at 06:08 AM..
Since you are single,you can have more than one partners,nothing wrong with that,I would advice you to be discrete and not hurt anyone 's feeling.
Lust and love,you can have both for the time being.
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