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To me it sounds that the relationship is drifting apart, and your GF is not up to any effort anymore.
No matter what you do, you are just irritating her.
IMHO it's the beginning of the end.
I might be wrong though, there is not enough info about how long are you together, when all that started, how effectively you communicate, in what areas are you compatible and how is the bedroom life.
It seems that she prefers to be alone to relax and your presence is stressing her out.
There's a book, probably out of print, "Contact, the first four minutes."
The concept is that the first four minutes of contact is the most important. When you come home you should be positive for four minutes. It sets the tone. After that you can dump. Same with friendships. Those first four minutes set the tone for everything that follows.
How is it when you guys spend time together on the weekend? Is it possible that you are an extrovert and that is why after work all you want to do is GO GO GO, which is why you want to go out, go do something, be around others, watch a movie? From the sound of things, your girlfriend may be an introvert. If that is the case, she recharges by being alone. So being at work is very draining for her, and she needs time to herself in order to recharge.
My suggestion would be that if the relationship is good overall, try applying less pressure during the workweek. If she needs to take a break and decompress by watching TV on her own, let her. Maybe compromise by having a meal together. But save "date nights" for the weekends.
When a man has a really stressful job, his girlfriend or wife is expected to understand and to give him a few minutes to decompress when he gets home. Why is the opposite not OK?
If you aren't dealing with it, then it is time for you to move on.
If this cold behavior just started, I'm going to guess that she caught you cheating. If she has always been this way, then it was fine with you for two years, but isn't fine with you any longer.
Your decision. Stay or go or work it out.
It sounds to me like she needs to start looking for a new job, but that is her decision and not yours.
She's committed to moving up the ladder and focused on her job and you're laidback, and serious about work/life balance, but still make more money than her?
She's hoping the OP gets the hint but unfortunately it looks like he's not.
Some people, when the 'relationship' is on fumes, say and do things to annoy and anger their partner, in the hopes that the partner will initiate the break up. Basically, let the other party do the dirty work.
Be a grown-up and let your girlfriend deal with her ****. She is not asking you to fix anything, give her advice on how to fix anything, or generally ask you for anything. She has a stressful job. Maybe she loves having a stressful job. I know I love my incredibly stressful job. Your description of her is likely my life. When she is done with work, leave her alone, give her time to unwind. She is a big girl, when she is hungry, she will eat. not all jobs can be done with 2 people in the same home. If you can't, it is appropriate to figure out how to live together while working, but not to think she is just wrong for having an intense job.
It sounds to me that she doesn't have a problem with all the extra projects she is doing. she seems to thrive under pressure and having too much work. I get it, its the type of person I am too. You may think she is being nasty, but not being the same way you are does not mean she is nasty.
You biggest problem is you telling her "in a nice way" (which FYI is not possible) that you think it's a bad idea for her to take on extra projects when she is already swamped. I would have left you for that comment. You may just not be a match. I agree with your assessment. I think there are people who want to do extra, stand out, move up. There are others who are fine with normal job duties and come home. Its fine, you are different people.
I wouldn't analyze her. I suspect she is mature enough to know what work praise is. She sounds like someone I would want on my team. I wish her luck, and I encourage you to revaluate if this relationship is good for you.
Best to you both.
How is it when you guys spend time together on the weekend? Is it possible that you are an extrovert and that is why after work all you want to do is GO GO GO, which is why you want to go out, go do something, be around others, watch a movie? From the sound of things, your girlfriend may be an introvert. If that is the case, she recharges by being alone. So being at work is very draining for her, and she needs time to herself in order to recharge.
My suggestion would be that if the relationship is good overall, try applying less pressure during the workweek. If she needs to take a break and decompress by watching TV on her own, let her. Maybe compromise by having a meal together. But save "date nights" for the weekends.
The weekends are a totally different story. She wants to go places and do things. She laughs and we have fun. Sunday night is when the hell repeats itself. I tend to be more of an introvert home body and she's the person who usually wants to go places.
I should also say that this behavior hasn't been going on for that long. A month maybe? Ever since she started taking on more job tasks, that's when it started.
Today we both worked from home and she barely said anything to me. I was making lunch in the kitchen at the same time as her and it was that awkward silence where you can feel the hostility. I tried talking to her but got simple one word answers. Right after work she went into the bedroom and took a nap and has been there ever since.
Quote:
Originally Posted by bu2
There's a book, probably out of print, "Contact, the first four minutes."
The concept is that the first four minutes of contact is the most important. When you come home you should be positive for four minutes. It sets the tone. After that you can dump. Same with friendships. Those first four minutes set the tone for everything that follows.
I believe that the concept is very much true.
Oh yes yes yes, this is so true. When I come home and say "Hey! How are you? How was your day" and get a grumpy response, I feel like closing the door and going right back to work or going to a bar.
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