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Or, OP could admit that just like every other relationship he has had, he has reached the "mild annoyance" period of 1-2 years when he looks for reasons to bail (his assessment as per his other thread).
I don't know why you keep forcing yourself into these situations OP. Now you have to pack up and move again.
Why would you have to pretend to do household chores and show your spouse affection, when genuinely and sincerely doing those things are the foundation of a functional relationship? It's not a trick or a game.
I was half joking, fleetiebelle. But I am serious about giving my spouse full support and doing things that make her feel good when she is tired and stressed. Often times, a massage makes her feel better and I accommodate no matter how tired and fatigued I am myself.
Thus, I was suggesting the OP not criticize the girlfriend's decision to take on a heavy workload, but to just make her feel good physically and emotionally with something like a nice massage and to not give her any more reason to get aggravated.
The reactions of diffrent people are interesting. I can see fleetiebelle's point even though I thought it was a good idea and a way to solve any potential conflict. Of course, actually doing the work is a good idea!
My dad's second wife was a lot younger than him. He retired long before she did. She would come home at 5pm and he would be watching the news. She would get irritated even though she knew that he'd literally been working in the garden - specifically the rose gardens and grafting their apple tree - all day long. And doing other odd jobs around the house as well. That did not matter to her, so he started busying himself right before she came home and watched the news later.
Or, OP could admit that just like every other relationship he has had, he has reached the "mild annoyance" period of 1-2 years when he looks for reasons to bail (his assessment as per his other thread).
I don't know why you keep forcing yourself into these situations OP. Now you have to pack up and move again.
She must be hot. So many of these situations boil down to that.
She really needs to see a therapist for her anxiety but says "they don't know what I'm going through and talking about it isn't going to help me in any way".
I could point out that getting to the bottom of what she's going through, and then helping her to deal with it more healthily, is exactly what therapists do. But it would be useless to point that out, because she just doesn't want to go to a therapist.
Maybe she's hoping that you'll insist she quits her job and stays home.
Wow, that was only 2 months ago! OP, look at how you described your partner this summer, before she took on the extra work. You already had doubts about you and her being a good match back then. I was going to suggest you be patient and tough it out until she gets her promotion, and see if things improve at that point, until I read your OP from 2 months ago.
It seems like the writing's on the wall at this point.
That behavior has gotten slightly better since I'm working in the office more frequently but everything else on the list hasn't changed a bit. I think you're right that the writing is on the wall.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth
OP, after reading your opening post on your other thread from two months ago, I have to wonder why you're even with her. Why did you initiate a relationship with her, and then get a place together with her? Did you even know her very well, when you decided to rent together, or move her in with you, or however the arrangement was arrived at? And now you're still with her, after telling us your relationships always seem to go sour after a relatively short time, and asking us if it's you, or is it her.
I'm reposting this link to your other thread, so people can read what you said about her (and yourself) back in July. This is not about her possibly having an affair. It's about her, but also about the OP maybe rushing into relationships before sizing up his dates' character. Once he gets in too deep, he finds out there are issues he's not willing to live with.
I asked her out on a date after I met her at an event. The first few dates went well so I started going on more dates. We were in a relationship for a little over a year before we got a place together. After we moved in is when things started going south.
The question is now how do I get out of this scenario? The apartment lease is in both our names. The lease can be broken by paying half a month's rent, but that still means we will have to live together in awkwardness temporarily while we are looking for places to live. Neither of us have any friends we can stay with here as we aren't from here originally.
How long have you lived together? How old are the two of you? I recommend moving out to give her more space to be cranky on her own. Then, if you still aren't able to spend quality time with her, break up with her. You can't continue in the relationship the way it is.
I agree with this, and the others who say leave her be. Stop doing all the housework. Stop being so tolerant of her moods. Stop accepting whatever crumbs she dishes out.
I'm not really certain, but it seems that you're heading for doormat territory if you haven't made it there already. (For the record, I'm female.)
That behavior has gotten slightly better since I'm working in the office more frequently but everything else on the list hasn't changed a bit. I think you're right that the writing is on the wall.
I asked her out on a date after I met her at an event. The first few dates went well so I started going on more dates. We were in a relationship for a little over a year before we got a place together. After we moved in is when things started going south.
The question is now how do I get out of this scenario? The apartment lease is in both our names. The lease can be broken by paying half a month's rent, but that still means we will have to live together in awkwardness temporarily while we are looking for places to live. Neither of us have any friends we can stay with here as we aren't from here originally.
OK, so when you moved in together, you found out she doesn't clean up after herself and doesn't handle stress well? You saw sides of her personality you didn't have a chance to observe just through dating, and knowing her for over a year? Did she keep a clean apartment while you were dating and living separately, or did you not notice?
I don't think this fits the pattern of someone suddenly getting on your nerves as the relationship progresses. IOW, it's not that you suddenly turn sour on your gf's just because you're bored or aren't really into them, or something. What you're describing is a relatively common thing; after a couple moves in together, they suddenly discover they're incompatible, due to how one or the other manages a household, plus other sides of their personalities become known, as well. That's actually one reason for moving in together; it's to get to know each other better. And it doesn't always work out. Life becomes more mundane when you're sharing a place together and seeing each other 24/7. You do see each other when each of you is stressed, not feeling well, whatever.
Don't blame yourself for this. It's just part of getting to know someone better. Sometimes there are unpleasant surprises. Sometimes the other person starts taking you for granted. The relationship can experience a major shift when the couple is up-close-and-personal all the time.
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