Adult picky eater what to do about (loving, husband, older)
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I am a fairly picky eater as well and I am not going to change because someone wants me to. You like what you like, and he likes what he likes. Why did you think it would get better?
He does eat vegetables, just not the type or amount to your liking. I doubt if he has any vitamin deficiency. How about fruits? Can you incorporate them into meals?
Has he had a good medical checkup and blood work lately? Maybe suggest that you both get a good checkup.
Is there any reason you can't make small amounts of extra sides/veggies for yourself? He can try them if he wants to, and you can always have leftovers to eat later in the week.
My daughter has autism. Food textures and foods touching each other are real things.
I agree most with this post.
I am a very picky eater. Thing is, all these other people I know seem to be able to easily get past not liking a food and eat it anyway and somehow enjoy it anyway...I gag and feel like I'll be sick if I try to eat a food that is not agreeable to me. The only way that I can explain it is that if a normal American were presented with live, wriggling insects to eat, even if you showed them videos of other people happily eating them, would you still not be revolted? Is there any amount of "well, other people don't have a problem with this" that would adjust YOU to love eating bugs? They're nutritious! Go eat some right now!
I feel that way about a long list of things that are culturally more normal. I don't know how to make myself change it just because lots of random opinions think I should. Also? I'm in better health than most people, so they can kinda kick rocks anyways. That's the part that REALLY gets me. The sheer number of visibly overweight people who have lectured me on my eating habits, when my weight and bloodwork and all confirm, I am in excellent health. But it's not what THEY were told, taught, and believe, so they feel entitled to scold me. Get outta here. Mind your own business. I don't shame anyone for their body shape or size, seriously, I get it's a struggle sometimes, but I won't sit and listen to someone lecture me like I'm a child, either. And yes, once in a while, I will make a point of trying something new. It rarely goes well, but I do try...and on the rare instances I find something new that I like, I am excited about it. This is not grounds for, "well if you can accept X new thing, then you should be willing to eat anything/everything I want you to."
My husband had a long history of living as a roommate in another person's home in his past, and he's comfortable with each of us buying our own groceries and we each prepare and eat what we want. I don't know why this is such a problem, or financially untenable for you, OP, our grocery budget is not that huge and we don't waste food. Both of us are really good about eating leftovers and such. If each of you could afford to eat separately before you moved in, why can't you afford to eat afterwards?
Husband is on a Keto diet now, and I eat whatever I want (which is honestly the opposite of a Keto diet or just about. Lots of carbs.)
I second the idea of having him (or both of you) go see a doctor, get blood work done, see if there is actually a health problem to be concerned about there, or if you are just assuming that one day there will be. I do recommend that picky eaters take a daily multivitamin. I do. And if there's something like a fiber deficiency, then he will need to find alternatives...like I am never going to eat leafy greens. Never have, never will. But I do supplement the vitamins and make sure I get fiber in the form of fruits, whole grains, and beans (love beans!) There are workarounds.
OP, I suggest you support him in small steps, but accept that he is never going to be as openminded about food as you are. And it's honestly kinda wrong for you to expect him to, in my opinion. We should be seeking partners we can love as they are, not people who are "mostly good enough but I'm gonna need to change this and that about you." If it was truly a dealbreaker, why on earth did you let it go far enough that you now live together?
I am a very picky eater. Thing is, all these other people I know seem to be able to easily get past not liking a food and eat it anyway and somehow enjoy it anyway...I gag and feel like I'll be sick if I try to eat a food that is not agreeable to me. The only way that I can explain it is that if a normal American were presented with live, wriggling insects to eat, even if you showed them videos of other people happily eating them, would you still not be revolted? Is there any amount of "well, other people don't have a problem with this" that would adjust YOU to love eating bugs? They're nutritious! Go eat some right now!
I feel that way about a long list of things that are culturally more normal. I don't know how to make myself change it just because lots of random opinions think I should. Also? I'm in better health than most people, so they can kinda kick rocks anyways. That's the part that REALLY gets me. The sheer number of visibly overweight people who have lectured me on my eating habits, when my weight and bloodwork and all confirm, I am in excellent health. But it's not what THEY were told, taught, and believe, so they feel entitled to scold me. Get outta here. Mind your own business. I don't shame anyone for their body shape or size, seriously, I get it's a struggle sometimes, but I won't sit and listen to someone lecture me like I'm a child, either. And yes, once in a while, I will make a point of trying something new. It rarely goes well, but I do try...and on the rare instances I find something new that I like, I am excited about it. This is not grounds for, "well if you can accept X new thing, then you should be willing to eat anything/everything I want you to."
My husband had a long history of living as a roommate in another person's home in his past, and he's comfortable with each of us buying our own groceries and we each prepare and eat what we want. I don't know why this is such a problem, or financially untenable for you, OP, our grocery budget is not that huge and we don't waste food. Both of us are really good about eating leftovers and such. If each of you could afford to eat separately before you moved in, why can't you afford to eat afterwards?
Husband is on a Keto diet now, and I eat whatever I want (which is honestly the opposite of a Keto diet or just about. Lots of carbs.)
I second the idea of having him (or both of you) go see a doctor, get blood work done, see if there is actually a health problem to be concerned about there, or if you are just assuming that one day there will be. I do recommend that picky eaters take a daily multivitamin. I do. And if there's something like a fiber deficiency, then he will need to find alternatives...like I am never going to eat leafy greens. Never have, never will. But I do supplement the vitamins and make sure I get fiber in the form of fruits, whole grains, and beans (love beans!) There are workarounds.
OP, I suggest you support him in small steps, but accept that he is never going to be as openminded about food as you are. And it's honestly kinda wrong for you to expect him to, in my opinion. We should be seeking partners we can love as they are, not people who are "mostly good enough but I'm gonna need to change this and that about you." If it was truly a dealbreaker, why on earth did you let it go far enough that you now live together?
Re: your last line...being yoked to a truly picky eater always was a deal-breaker for me in much the same way that something such as height is for other people. A few food preferences are simple enough to accommodate and I gladly do so for my partner and others, but I can't handle dating people who eat a very limited diet by choice. More than a few budding relationships I nixed because of picky eating--especially when I was younger and still had starting a family with someone on my mind.
Since the O.P. let it get to this point in terms of cohabitation, the best thing to do is either take a page out of your book and eat separate meals or to prepare things that that the O.P.'s boyfriend likes and add or subtract things that the O.P. prefers such as extra vegetables. If meals are served family style, perhaps having a dish of different things on the table as well as his preferred foods that he could help himself to might be a way for him to broaden his palate on his own terms with little pressure to do so. The latter is how I handle picky eaters who *aren't* romantic partners who are eating at my table; more than few of them have come around to liking a few of the foods that were presented to them in this casual help-yourself-or-not manner.
My own Dad called it rabbit food and he didn't like veggies at all nor a simple salad but he cooperated with Mom and would put a little bit on his plate and pick at it. He knew vegetables were an important part of a healthy diet so he begrudgingly ate them.
You know how kids don't want to eat their broccoli? Mom's learned to hide it as a puree mixed in with main meals.
Sit him down and make a deal with him to eat a tiny bit of veggies with his meals, to do it for you saying you will have him in your life longer.
Boiled veggies are really boring especially frozen or canned veggies. Get creative: cauliflower and home-made cheese sauce, casseroles, pasta, veggie burgers and veggie hot dogs. He doesn't have to know he is eating meat alternatives. They are surprisingly delicious.
Buy "Greens" as a supplement in pill form. It's better than nothing.
Re: your last line...being yoked to a truly picky eater always was a deal-breaker for me in much the same way that something such as height is for other people. A few food preferences are simple enough to accommodate and I gladly do so for my partner and others, but I can't handle dating people who eat a very limited diet by choice. More than a few budding relationships I nixed because of picky eating--especially when I was younger and still had starting a family with someone on my mind.
Since the O.P. let it get to this point in terms of cohabitation, the best thing to do is either take a page out of your book and eat separate meals or to prepare things that that the O.P.'s boyfriend likes and add or subtract things that the O.P. prefers such as extra vegetables. If meals are served family style, perhaps having a dish of different things on the table as well as his preferred foods that he could help himself to might be a way for him to broaden his palate on his own terms with little pressure to do so. The latter is how I handle picky eaters who *aren't* romantic partners who are eating at my table; more than few of them have come around to liking a few of the foods that were presented to them in this casual help-yourself-or-not manner.
Yep. And I totally get that! I have always suspected that I'd be very incompatible with a vegan or probably even a vegetarian. But in truth, it would probably depend on whether they could accept it as just ~their~ thing and live & let live with me or if they got upset about meat in the fridge or constantly tried to convert me.
Doesn't mean I'm judging them or that I think that no one should be a vegan or a vegetarian...if that's your thing, rock on! I just need to have people around me who don't meddle in my eating habits. I also always suspected that I would be incompatible with anyone who is really into working out at the gym or athletic pursuits...just because that's a big part of a person's life, potentially, to not have in common.
The other point here, is that like even though my husband is on this diet, where he is avoiding sugar and carbs, he's not mad at me for having my sweet snacks or carb foods in the house. I've known plenty of dieters who seem to need a partner who can just go right along with them, because if there is "tempting" food in the house that they aren't supposed to eat, they don't have the impulse control, and then they get mad that you left the temptation there where they could see it... I doubt if I could live comfortably with that.
I am not responsible in the slightest for whether my husband sticks to his diet. And he doesn't expect me to be. So we're good.
I'm in a new relationship and am living with a wonderfully fun, adventurous SO. We are going on around 10 months of living together. He's in his early 50's and I'm a half-decade behind him. He is a picky eater. I could be dropped anywhere on the globe and eat local cuisine happily. My list of shocking tried foods is above average. I can cook he cannot cook.
It's the only real issue we have and really it is MY issue and not his. He's perfectly happy not eating vegetables, having no seasoning, and only eating one type of bread. He doesn't like texture, food touching other foods etc. I need a variety of textures and colors and well nutrients!
I was concerned about this before he moved in and it hasn't gotten better. I don't want this to be a source of friction. I'm trying really hard not to pressure him to try my bread (for example). Since moving in with me he's returned to eating some of the vegetables he ate growing up. So instead of just liking corn and potato and peas he now eats carrots and green beans.
We went out to a restaurant with his family for someone's birthday. He ordered a meal with no vegetables but he grabbed a string bean off my plate and ate it. Four members of his family whipped out their cellphones and took pictures. His parents were just agog.
I'm not sure how to proceed. Again I feel this is my issue. He's happy (or seems so) eating this way. Although, I do worry it's unhealthy. He eats fast-food daily and will eat stouffers frozen things or pizza for dinner if I don't cook something he likes. Fine. He's not forcing me to change my ways so I shouldn't force him either.
But then he seems proud to be eating more vegetables than he used to. He was married before and his wife at the time also was a picky eater. They never cooked. Meals were brought in or simple things like frozen meatballs and pasta or sandwiches. He went years without vegetables.
I admit that I'm frustrated. He doesn't cook and truly doesn't care about meals for the week. So I try to plan meals and frequently I spend too many hours agonizing over what to make that we can both eat. Economically we aren't in a position to be eating totally different things and I don't have the time or kitchen space to prepare two separate meals but I don't like the alternative of him eating more highly processed unhealthy foods at his age.
I bring this up from time to time but it's increasing in frequency because I'm restricting my diet too much.
Meals focused on BBQ meat as the main and tiny veggie side with mashed potato or white rice is not nutrient-rich enough for me. Worse than that are burger nights or hotdog nights. I don't want to force him to try new foods but I am worried about his health. So many men in his age group have heart attacks. He's a bit overweight but in ok shape, because he's got an active job but at home he lays down a lot and watches tv. So if he were ever to retire...I know his health is going to take a hit eventually.
I want to try to talk to him and find out if he is happy with things as they are or if he wants to make a slow change. I'm getting mixed signals on that. I also want to know how we can work together so that we can both be happy with what we are eating and for my greedy part- I want some of the pressure of always being the one to cook and plan meals to come off of me. But I know that as a picky eater this is a sensitive topic for him. I don't want him to feel attacked or like I am nagging.
I've done research on picky eating and selective eating disorders but there's mostly guidance for self-help. Not much for the people who live with them. Can anyone relate or have any advice or guidance they can offer?
Re-read the part of your post that I bolded. You do not have a food issue, you have a power issue. If he doesn't cook and doesn't care about food - and you are catering him, there is a power imbalance. The frustration comes more from that imbalance than from food prep.
My first mate had true celiac disease (non-tropical sprue) and hypoglycemia. I cooked and worked around it. My late wife had at times to follow a macrobiotic diet. I cooked and worked around it. It just "was."
If you approach the picky eating as entirely voluntary (which it may or may not be) your reaction will be different that if you accept it as the way it is.
You can play the power issue by having you make the meals one week and him make the meals the next week, and so on. Teach a man to cook, and all that. Work out the power issues, and the rest will resolve.
The underlined part of your response indicates that you are not fully communicating. Unless you communicate, unless you each state needs and figure out how to get those met, this will not age well.
With all kindness intended... I think you're making this into more of an issue than it needs to be.
This man is in his 50's. You are not his mother. I would let him eat the way he wants to and you eat the way you want to. He is responsible for getting nutrients into his body. 50 is IMHO too old for you to formulate a strategic plan to coax him into liking vegetables one at a time like you would a toddler. He knows where to find them. If you're eating them and he wants some, he can ask.
And I disagree that it's such a huge deal for two adults living together to eat separate meals. I have multiple dietary restrictions and my husband has a few things he can't eat. I make food in bulk for me and freeze it, reheating single portions at mealtime. My husband might have a sandwich and soup. Or we might have a starch we can both eat, a veg we can both eat, and different proteins. But we have to be flexible because of my dietary restrictions and it's really not that difficult to eat different things.
Haha, really? Maybe you're being facetious, but people don't just keel over from not eating veggies... it's not the healthiest way to eat, but plenty of people survive on worse. I'm not much of a veggie eater myself, and still alive and well at 45!
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Work out the power issues, and the rest will resolve.
