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On our 1st date, I learned that DH (then age 55-ish) had never traveled overseas and rarely ate ethnic food. On our second date, I suggested we go to a middle Eastern restaurant. I ordered kibbeh as an appetizer to share. I told him that it was raw lamb. I did not tell him it was a test. Had he outright refused to try it, it would likely have been our 2nd and last date. Enjoying and experiencing food and travel was a deal breaker for me.
He didn't especially like the kibbeh, and there are foods he doesn't want to eat (sushi, liver unless it's pate, peas, collard and other greens), but he is willing to try almost everything.
We had our 25th wedding anniversary last year.
Last edited by Jkgourmet; 10-04-2022 at 07:11 AM..
I dont understand adults that are picky eaters. There are certainly some foods that I dont like but if served will eat them without complaint...thats what we do as adults. When I am alone is when I can choose what I do and do not want to eat.
I dont understand adults that are picky eaters. There are certainly some foods that I dont like but if served will eat them without complaint...thats what we do as adults. When I am alone is when I can choose what I do and do not want to eat.
There's some truth to what you say but the opposite would be this question: if someone I live with knows I don't like something then why was it made for me?
I can't stand certain foods (celery, cooked and mashed squash and stewed tomatoes being just three of many examples) due to being forced to sit at the table until I ate them when I was little (again, even as it was known I didn't like them). There was no "just try it" involved.
Mrs. NBP knows not to expect me to eat them if she makes them and doesn't include me in her portion amounts. I also don't make her food that she doesn't like. It works out well after 40+ years.
There's some truth to what you say but the opposite would be this question: if someone I live with knows I don't like something then why was it made for me?
I can't stand certain foods (celery, cooked and mashed squash and stewed tomatoes being just three of many examples) due to being forced to sit at the table until I ate them when I was little (again, even as it was known I didn't like them). There was no "just try it" involved.
Mrs. NBP knows not to expect me to eat them if she makes them and doesn't include me in her portion amounts. I also don't make her food that she doesn't like. It works out well after 40+ years.
I understand that. I dont really enjoy food at all and if I go out to eat with my wife I shop the menu based on price. Drives my wifes nuts and she hates going out with me, but like you, its worked (16 years so far).
Some have mentioned that this is a psychiatric/psychological issue. It is in fact a very common symptom of autism spectrum or ADHD type disorders. I know now that I have ADHD, so maybe that (or perhaps some of the other theories I've had) explain my very picky eating.
However.
I also take offense to the idea that any way in which I function differently from other people is a "there's something wrong with you, see some professionals and change/fix it." No, I do not in fact have to do that. Where a "divergent" trait becomes a problem is when it causes ME distress. Not when it causes someone else to have a twinge of, "they are unlike me and I'm uncomfortable about it."
And my picky eating does not cause me distress as an adult. I am allowed to have my own life and my own boundaries and I don't have to constantly give way to make other people happy. The people who care about me should not try and corner me into situations where it is demanded that I eat "whatever is served." And my acceptable foods are varied enough that I'll be fine at most places, and can find something to eat in most restaurants except for a few like Indian or Greek. Yes, yes, other posters, you LOVE Indian and Greek...and that's great! See, that's another thing that drives me up a wall about this... Just because I don't like something doesn't mean I'm going to look at what someone else wants to eat and go "ew, ick, yuck, how can you eat that?" Unlike some people I do not judge what others want to eat. On early dates with my husband, he'd get a salad and he'd say, "you're probably grossed out by this, right?" And I was like, no...not at all. It's very pretty and colorful and I'm perfectly fine looking at it, I just don't want to eat it. You can eat it all you want.
I don't need other people to be just like me.
I don't know why some others get upset if everyone isn't just like them.
Not sure why everyone has to go around being super judgy about what other people are doing that need not affect what you want to do, we don't all need to be alike.
Honestly the main way in which I see this being a serious incompatibility is when the non-picky eater also wants to do lots of travel to other countries, and dietary flexibility is part of that experience. Now that, I understand.
But the ONLY scenario where this causes me any kind of an issue at all, is when I'm invited somewhere and a limited selection of food is being served and it was assumed that everyone invited will enjoy what's on the table... And in those instances, I politely lie. I tell the hosts that it looks amazing, and I'm so sorry, but I had a big lunch and it's not sitting very comfortably in my belly and I just don't think I can eat anything right now. And then I also offer to help with clearing up or anything I can do, if appropriate, to additionally smooth things socially with them. You don't get to be 43 with this kind of restrictive diet, without learning how to navigate these things diplomatically. I do not often attend dinner parties and such, and when I do, I normally "pre game." I don't go hungry, so if I can't eat what they have, I'll be OK. Unless I know what will be available and I know I can eat it. But again...these scenarios are really rare.
- It drives me nuts when people don't want to even try new food (or new things, generally).
I mean, just try a tiny bit, with an option to discreetly spitting it out. (although, even the bitterest medicine could be swallowed, if needed. Spitting out is childish, but whatever ... Just try!)
- It drives me nuts when people judge food by the name or appearance (I deliberately skipped the words smell and taste, because that, actually, could be a turn off).
- It drives me nuts when people refuse to try new food just because they never had it before (hello? There is always the first time)
- It drives me nuts when people don't want to try new foods, but can't explain why.... (there is no plausible reason, medically defined)
Would I put up with that if this was someone close, like a potential SO? Definitely not. Not just because this is about the food, but I would fear that there are other, unpleasant issues for me to discover. I don't deal well with unexplained stubbornness.
- It drives me nuts when people don't want to even try new food (or new things, generally).
I mean, just try a tiny bit, with an option to discreetly spitting it out. (although, even the bitterest medicine could be swallowed, if needed. Spitting out is childish, but whatever ... Just try!)
- It drives me nuts when people judge food by the name or appearance (I deliberately skipped the words smell and taste, because that, actually, could be a turn off).
- It drives me nuts when people refuse to try new food just because they never had it before (hello? There is always the first time)
- It drives me nuts when people don't want to try new foods, but can't explain why.... (there is no plausible reason, medically defined)
Would I put up with that if this was someone close, like a potential SO? Definitely not. Not just because this is about the food, but I would fear that there are other, unpleasant issues for me to discover. I don't deal well with unexplained stubbornness.
Strangers doing that? I don't care...
Why do you care what someone will or won't eat? I am not a fish/seafood fan, nor can I eat meat with even the slightest tinge of pink. I would not care if it made someone 'nuts' if I refused to try something I know I cannot stand.
You eat what you like and I'll eat what I like. That is a basic human right. To consider a refusal to eat something an "unpleasant trait" is harsh. I am willing to try something new as long as it doesn't include rare meat, organ meats, or fishy ingredients, but being cajoled or scolded into 'trying' something to make someone else happy...is a deal breaker. Leave me alone.
Again, this is much less about food than it is about psychology and power plays. The common food area where it expresses is vegans. Some are militant and on a crusade, some are laid back. Mostly, I just sit back and watch the blood pressures rise when there is a discussion.
People on a strict kosher or halal diet won't try even a little taste of your wonderful pork BBQ. People on keto diets may not want your cupcake, cupcake. With Covid comes anosmia, where that plate of lobster you served up smells like pig poo. Would you have people eat pig poo?
You and I can enter into pleasant discussions about nutrients and values of various foods all day long, until you say that I HAVE to eat this because of yada yada. If you are lucky, I'll politely turn and walk away.
If how I support my body drives you nuts, that sounds like a personal problem to me. I could say that you HAVE to see a therapist about that fetish, but that would not only be rude, but an over-reach into your personal space.
I'm not sure how to proceed. Again I feel this is my issue. He's happy (or seems so) eating this way. Although, I do worry it's unhealthy. He eats fast-food daily and will eat stouffers frozen things or pizza for dinner if I don't cook something he likes. Fine. He's not forcing me to change my ways so I shouldn't force him either.
But then he seems proud to be eating more vegetables than he used to. He was married before and his wife at the time also was a picky eater. They never cooked. Meals were brought in or simple things like frozen meatballs and pasta or sandwiches. He went years without vegetables.
I admit that I'm frustrated. He doesn't cook and truly doesn't care about meals for the week. So I try to plan meals and frequently I spend too many hours agonizing over what to make that we can both eat. Economically we aren't in a position to be eating totally different things and I don't have the time or kitchen space to prepare two separate meals but I don't like the alternative of him eating more highly processed unhealthy foods at his age.
Ok...
On 2nd read, that is pretty rough.
Years without vegetables and fast food daily is rough for a 50-something man.
So, yes it is worth a talk.
There was a time when I was probably not that bad, but closer, but it was when I was younger.
All kinds of problems could arise. Of course, it's a genetic roll of the dice, but yea.... I've known two people who have died of heart attacks before 50. Which again, a lot depends on luck, but ... you definitely swing the odds in your favor by not eating fast food every day. Fast food is also no longer cheap, so ...
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