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With all kindness intended... I think you're making this into more of an issue than it needs to be.
This man is in his 50's. You are not his mother. I would let him eat the way he wants to and you eat the way you want to. He is responsible for getting nutrients into his body. 50 is IMHO too old for you to formulate a strategic plan to coax him into liking vegetables one at a time like you would a toddler. He knows where to find them. If you're eating them and he wants some, he can ask.
And I disagree that it's such a huge deal for two adults living together to eat separate meals. I have multiple dietary restrictions and my husband has a few things he can't eat. I make food in bulk for me and freeze it, reheating single portions at mealtime. My husband might have a sandwich and soup. Or we might have a starch we can both eat, a veg we can both eat, and different proteins. But we have to be flexible because of my dietary restrictions and it's really not that difficult to eat different things.
BINGO!!! This is one of the best ones yet, especially that first sentence. Leave him alone.
My own Dad called it rabbit food and he didn't like veggies at all nor a simple salad but he cooperated with Mom and would put a little bit on his plate and pick at it. He knew vegetables were an important part of a healthy diet so he begrudgingly ate them.
You know how kids don't want to eat their broccoli? Mom's learned to hide it as a puree mixed in with main meals.
Sit him down and make a deal with him to eat a tiny bit of veggies with his meals, to do it for you saying you will have him in your life longer.
Boiled veggies are really boring especially frozen or canned veggies. Get creative: cauliflower and home-made cheese sauce, casseroles, pasta, veggie burgers and veggie hot dogs. He doesn't have to know he is eating meat alternatives. They are surprisingly delicious.
Buy "Greens" as a supplement in pill form. It's better than nothing.
I would say the lack of vegetables more leads to bowel problems.
Of course, if somebody doesn't eat vegetables, it's 'typical' for that person to eat badly in terms of greasy high cholesterol food. But not always the case.
But if that person was eating rice/bread and air-fried chicken thighs, probably not so bad in a heart sense.
It's really a roll of the dice. It's like how a person could smoke a pack a day and die at 93 and another person dies at age 40.
I'm not so lucky. For me, in middle age, eating greasy, heavy food has IMMEDIATE consequences, so ... it's always on the back of my mind,
This brought up memories of my parents who were happily married for at least 25 years. They probably would have been married forever if my mother hadn't succumbed to ALS. They were opposites in so many ways and food was a big one. My mother basically did the cooking. She was generally nutrition conscious, had read the good mom handbook, exposed her kids to and taught them to eat a balanced diet. My dad OTOH detested anything green, would grudgingly eat fruit or cereal if it was loaded with enough sugar, preferred all meat charred, loved deep fried and fast food, sausage, bacon and fried eggs every morning, on and on. If he caught a glimpse of onion while she was cooking, he'd rant about how he couldn't eat it. If he didn't catch a glimpse of it, nothing horrible seemed to happen unless he spooned up a big enough piece to identify. It was pretty funny. His idea of a veggie was a potato. He might eat a restaurant salad if it was drowned in enough dressing.
So, how did she manage my fussy dad? She kept cooking balanced meals the majority of the family would eat. If he didn't like something he was free to not eat it. She didn't nag, force, or guilt him or anyone else to clear their plates every single meal and stayed focused on the bigger picture. She obviously heard and registered his complaints, but they didn't rule what she prepared for family meals. Occasionally she'd cave to him but in general, peace reigned in the family kitchen.
- It drives me nuts when people don't want to even try new food (or new things, generally).
I mean, just try a tiny bit, with an option to discreetly spitting it out. (although, even the bitterest medicine could be swallowed, if needed. Spitting out is childish, but whatever ... Just try!)
- It drives me nuts when people judge food by the name or appearance (I deliberately skipped the words smell and taste, because that, actually, could be a turn off).
- It drives me nuts when people refuse to try new food just because they never had it before (hello? There is always the first time)
- It drives me nuts when people don't want to try new foods, but can't explain why.... (there is no plausible reason, medically defined)
Would I put up with that if this was someone close, like a potential SO? Definitely not. Not just because this is about the food, but I would fear that there are other, unpleasant issues for me to discover. I don't deal well with unexplained stubbornness.
Strangers doing that? I don't care...
And first off, I always think that we all get to decide what makes a person possibly compatible or incompatible to date. If that's your thing, that's your thing.
But aside from that, I feel that what you are saying here makes sense with one's own children. But other adults have a right to say, "no thanks" and it makes a person look like a jerk if they continue to push a particular food at them. I will occasionally try something new when I want to, but I am under ZERO obligation to put something in my mouth because some other person (be they friend, relative, partner, or stranger) thinks I really, truly must try it.
This would be like me insisting that some particular show is my favorite thing ever, and even though my friend says she really hates that entire genre and doesn't want to watch it, I relentlessly push and push and demand medical reasons why she can't just TRY watching it and... God, give it a break.
At some point it becomes a violation of boundaries and a demand to have power over someone else's autonomy. It's an overstep, and since most picky eaters had to deal with constant power struggles, drama and downright torment or punishment growing up over our diets, we're not gonna want to deal with that as adults.
But if I had a very unhealthy diet (which I do not, even if I am picky and don't eat vegetables) comprised of greasy fried food, fast food, and junk food only...and my partner were concerned about my health...
I think that the right way to approach this is to have a conversation and try to find things that the picky eater is comfortable with, that are not unhealthy. Fiber is CRITICALLY IMPORTANT. I learned first hand with my ex husband what happens to your body if you don't eat it. Diverticulitis, perforation, septic shock, three surgeries, temp colostomy... So yeah, fiber is vital and it's got to get into the diet somewhere. The artificial supplemental stuff isn't as good and can be harsh on your insides. But leafy greens aren't the only source of fiber in the world. Many kinds of bread and pasta have it, fruits have it (I like apples!) and beans...glorious, wonderful beans!...have plenty.
There are ways to address this situation without facing a steep wall of conflict, which in the OP's circumstances, I think should be considered. It does sound like the guy could use an improvement in diet for health reasons, and a trip to the doctor and blood work would reinforce that argument...but there are ways to do this that are respectful to him. And ways that are not.
Do a search online about what celebrities eat. It is entertaining, to say the least.
Fiber. I wish it was that simple. I would happily eat a few tablespoons of sawdust daily and not worry about it if that were the case. We all have different guts, different gut biomes. What works for me would be crazy for others to attempt. What I can't eat, is perfectly fine for others (I think, and ultra-processed food makers hope to be the case).
You have a mate. You want that mate to be healthy and happy. You try to make that happen within the limits of you being happy and healthy yourself. When you go outside of those boundaries, you had better have thought it out thoroughly if you want to continue the relationship. If you can't stand a mate that eats Oreos whole, then having "the" discussion asserts your values as a priority. I'm certain there are many potential mates out there that break the cookie apart and eat the filling first.
My requirements for someone close to me are different.
Okay, I think we have gotten a bit off-track from the OP's dilemma. The statement about their partner disliking food textures, being resistant, very limited and not having different foods touch on a plate - is what has to do with something psychological, not just one merely disliking a flavor or particular food.
I would imagine everyone has preferences, being open to trying something new or not, being put off by how a flavor or texture is while chewing. I don't care for a strong-smelling Indian food that I will smell in the air or thru ventilation if a neighbor is having - and it lingers...and also dislike a strong GREASE odor, both of those turning my stomach, but will lightly use grease at times in cooking. I don't really like the taste or texture of raw tomatoes, but enjoy them cooked or tomato sauce, for instance, thinking we all have minor preferences such as this. Though trying different foods offered over the years, there are those especially enjoyed and we all gravitate to favorites, keeping on hand items and ingredients for preparation.
It seems what is difficult in this situation is them focusing upon and thinking about every meal preparation, the shopping, planning, cooking, having to brace themselves for the tension involved and the hesitancy that will ensue, asking if he will try something, the expectation of, and experiencing a division between them.
It has been said that they could just begin doing their own thing, but being a meal-planner, would be spending time preparing food for themselves and his needs separately, his eating whatever he wants - which maybe can be done, but does seem a bit stressful to not be on the same page always. Then, the concern of another's possible health declining due to, would be stressful. The lack of flexibility could become draining, or may improve if just giving into. (Those having lived together a long while who have a mutual understanding of each other's preferences and personalities, can be of a different situation overall).
Last edited by In2itive_1; 10-05-2022 at 05:19 AM..
I could not live with a picky eater. Since you are the cook, you should cook balanced meals that you like, and he can work around it. The saying in my house is, “I’m not running a restaurant, so eat it, or starve.”
My husband has a few foods he doesn’t like, and he doesn’t like his food touching either, but he’s grateful to have someone cook for him, so he soldiers through some things that aren’t favorites.
I think it will only get worse and you will event resent him for it. Married 50 years here to a picky eater. He eats only one ethic food so this determines restaurants. For the foods he does it, there can be no deviation in the method of cooking, ex. no extra ingredient added to the soup. He dislikes my favorite foods and all meals have to cater to him.
Cooking for two different palates would be not acceptable to me.
Also "He doesn't like texture, food touching other foods etc" sounds like avoidant/restrictive food intake disorder and it's ...well, a psychiatric disorder. I bet there are others you still will discover.
+1
Additionally, his eating behaviors will inevitably lead to a whole host of health problems, assuming that his dietary habits haven't already initiated that process by his 50s.
I could not live with a picky eater. Since you are the cook, you should cook balanced meals that you like, and he can work around it. The saying in my house is, “I’m not running a restaurant, so eat it, or starve.”
+1
When I was a kid, my mother used to say, "This isn't a cafeteria. We all eat the same meals, and we all eat together".
Even traveling with a picky eater is a trying experience. Many years ago, I took a vacation trip with a friend, and I learned just how picky his eating habits were. I knew that he didn't eat any vegetables (except for potatoes and corn), and that his favorite foods were pork chops and meatloaf, so I made sure that the first restaurant we went to had pork chops on the menu. He instantly disliked them because they had a "hammy taste".
The next night, I purposely steered us to a decidedly downscale restaurant because it was one of the few places with meatloaf on the menu. He hated the meatloaf because, "It doesn't taste like my mother's meatloaf".
At the next resto, he ordered the Veloute aux Champignons, which the menu translated as Cream of Mushroom soup for those who weren't proficient in the French language. He hated it because it tasted "mushroomy".
Another night, he ordered one of his favorite dishes--Fried Chicken. He didn't like it because, "It doesn't taste like my mother's Fried Chicken".
While I continued to be friends with him for several more years, I knew enough to never again travel with him. Just the thought of living with someone like that is... not pleasant.
Last edited by Retriever; 10-05-2022 at 07:59 AM..
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