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I dont think its about trying to make anyone "normal", but rather teaching a child to appreciate what they have. Not all families can afford or have the time to make a "custom" meal specifically for someone that doesnt "like" what everyone else is eating and I do feel that a parent that accommodates a picky eater is an enabler to an extent. I have always told my kids that if they go to someones house to eat dinner and they dont like what is served, they better suck it up and eat it anyway. I also make meals at times using certain things my daughter refuses to eat but I do so inconspicuously and she always enjoys the meal until I tell her what was in it. That tells me, its more of how the food was prepared rather than the food itself and that its all in the mind. When my kids were little and they complained about dinner I told them they dont have to eat it but that will be breakfast the next day...that only happened once before they knew I was serious and ate their dinner everynight after that. It then transformed to having to taste something before they could say they didnt like it. Likes and dislikes were taken into consideration after that when making dinner but taste buds do change in kids and foods they once hated, now seem to love and vice versa.
Even though our kids are picky, they will eat almost everything these days where their friends who were picky and their parents coddled them are still picky to this day and are very particular with what they eat.
What I think happened in my childhood, because I am told that when I was "very little" I used to eat all sorts of things, but at age 5 my primary caregiver died. She was an old woman and she gave me, probably, some variety of home cooked things, including fruits and vegetables from her garden. Real food. After that though, my overworked parents who often seemed like having a child was a serious inconvenience, started giving me fried bologna and whatever crap they found to be fast and easy. I suddenly hated all condiments, vegetables (probably because they boiled and ruined them) and a bunch of other stuff.
"Appreciate what we have"... But like, we are not living in a third world country. We had plenty of food, plenty of money to afford food, and what they put in front of me was nothing but THEIR CHOICE. It comes down to "I am going to make bad choices for you and you need to deal with it because I've got power and you don't matter." And frankly, that "take whatever you're given and like it" crap is not really the healthiest mindset for kids to learn, either, especially girls. Good way to end up walked on as an adult.
When mine were kids, I asked them to try one very small bite of anything I made, just because as you say...you don't know, if you don't try. But if they didn't want more, it was fine, I taught them early how to make a bowl of Cheerios or a sandwich. If they didn't want what I made, they had to go get something else for themselves.
Because the thing about being a picky eater is that most of us have no desire to inconvenience others or demand accommodations from others around us. Like, no, I would not have a great time in the Army or prison or whatever but as an American adult I have PLENTY of life options that permit to me to comfortably accommodate myself. I have no interest really in having a partner who thinks he's GOT to cook for me, and is going to be distraught if I don't love all of his favorite dishes. I could cook by the time I was 9. Sometimes my parents didn't even feel like making food, so I could make tacos or spaghetti or something.
But everyone assumes they know what this sort of thing must be all about.
"Coddling."
Entitlement.
Snootiness and a demanding attitude.
The parents must have "enabled" it and spoiled the kids.
Yeah, I dunno, maybe this whole thing IS a core values problem.
Whether that means "grown arse adults who won't eat veggies" or "grown arse adults who get inordinately upset about another person's diet, when it's completely unnecessary."
Regarding the previous post about super tasters:
I have always suspected I am one. I can pick out even minute traces of identifiable spices in food if I'm familiar with them, I hate certain flavors like fishy seafood flavors, dark chocolate, and alcohol, anything rich or spicy, and many artificial sweeteners, practically all condiments. I have the "cilantro tastes like soap" gene, yet oddly I don't hate cilantro if it's used to season rice or something. But a lot more of my hangups are texture related. I can't bite down on anything that is too...plant textured. Leaves, onions, that sort of thing. I hate orange pulp and the texture (but not the taste) of tomatoes. But at least I'm not bothered by foods touching. That one missed me, thankfully.
Thing is, although I defend my position as a picky eater, it isn't something I WANT to be. My life would be so much easier if I could enjoy a wider range of foods. I sometimes look at something like fire roasted peppers or pretty sushi and wish I could enjoy eating it. But there is no amount of just forcing myself to do it that will make that happen. I'm not sure that I could try and try and try until I no longer gag on food I don't like, and I'm not interested in torturing myself in such an endeavor. The way my brain and body react isn't so much like, "I don't really prefer this food", it's more like, "what you just tried to eat is NOT FOOD. Eject it immediately!" I'm happy for most of you who don't have this problem. I wish I were more like you. But I am not.
Oh and I mentioned not liking alcohol...that's another one. People have pushed and pushed when I was younger wanting me to drink. Hasn't been a problem in a long time, but that's the other area where I feel a little sensitive to judgment from "normal people" who never seemed to understand why I don't want to just get over it so that I can get drunk. I mean. I also don't want to be drunk, so?
But the food thing...also, why is it just food? Why aren't there people buying loads of clothing for others that is to their taste but not the recipient's and then getting furious that they are not "grateful" even though they never asked you to buy them clothes and maybe asked you NOT to? Like no one is asking you to make me food I can't eat. I'm not asking anyone to make me food at all. Most picky eaters neither need or want you to accommodate us, we just want you to quit having an attitude about it and let us accommodate ourselves.
You KNEW this when you decided to make it your responsibility to care what he eats and even COOK for him.
WHY?
Obviously he doesn't give a crap about his health, future and is stubborn.
Let him eat/prepare what he wants and you do the same.
By middle age I thought EVERYONE knew you can't "CHANGE PEOPLE" and why is this so important to you other than emotional reasons and CONTROL?
I have a senior neighbor married for around 15 years and that's how they handle food. She's nagged him forEVER about not wearing the CPAP, eating crap, ignoring doctor advise to no avail.
Unfortunately her husband's diabetes and new DEMENTIA is also now her burden. She's running around making him get current sleep studies and wear the new CPAP which he's only willing to pretend to wear for the minimum period since they will bill them $3000 penalty if he doesn't.
It will make ZERO difference now.
Too late.
That's why I'm not married. Accept YOUR future or create a different one.
There are a couple of things in your post that I would urge you to check into a little deeper. Medical and dietary "science" has been highly influenced by food manufacturers, quacks, and health food nuts for years. I remember being taken in by the claim that margarine was more healthy than butter. I remember reading "eggs are good, eggs are bad, eggs are good, eggs are bad, eggs are good, eggs are bad, eggs are good, eggs are bad" for years. One of my relatives ate nothing but milk, tiny bits of chicken, and a rare wilted salad. Medically, every doctor said the diet wasn't healthy, but go ahead and let her eat it. She only lived (at home with assistance) until age 107. According to experts, she absolutely should have been dead by age 70.
I have won one part of the genetic lottery that my calcium score is zero. I can exist with high cholesterol and it have minimal impact. My GF is the opposite. People are different, what works for one person may not work for another. Providing education opportunities and resources can be helpful, but sometimes exploration turns in unexpected directions, where the "unhealthy" is actually more healthy than the alternative.
CPAP and sleep apnea. I just went through this, and I now have concerns that this is being over-prescribed and for some, not healthy. My late wife used CPAP for about a year before her death and I am now wondering if it hurt or helped her. CPAP and APAP change or override the responses of the body and are a type of crutch.
I had an operation, where I was monitored for O2 levels after and those dropped into the 80s. That sent me for a sleep study, which was impossible for me to complete, but came out with a prescription for an APAP. I tried it, had problems with it, and got a fitness tracker that had an O2 sensor to see just how serious things were. Those low periods were brief and NOT caused by obstructed airway, but "central" sleep apnea (which CPAPs are less effective with). As it has gotten further from the date of the operation, my low O2 has begun to resolve on its own.
Further investigation on the purported benefits of a CPAP revealed that the lowering of blood pressure and increased energy do not commonly occur in older patients, but primarily in younger ones with obstructive apneas. Taken together, a few things made me decide to return my machine.
1. Disruption of sleep. I am one of the lightest sleepers you might ever meet. I wake up at the slightest noise or change in odor or light in a room. The machine noise was keeping me awake.
2. The admission by the doctor that it was unlikely to positively affect my BP or energy levels.
3. Constant care. The masks and hoses have to be cleaned regularly and it is a PITA process.
4. Ongoing costs. Even with cleaning, parts have to be replaced o a schedule or risk some disease or pneumonia
5. Near elimination of any nighttime intimacy. Becoming Darth Vader at night is not sexy.
6. Restriction in sleep positions. The masks and hoses work great for corpses, but not so much for those of us who constantly shift positions at night.
7. (I'll admit this one is weird) I seem to be guided in what is good for me and what isn't. When going for the sleep study, the evening was fine until just as I was walking out the door and suddenly the heavens opened and I wouldn't have been shocked to see falling fish. In the fifty feet to the car I got completely drenched. I had trouble going to the appointments because of unexpected car problems. The shipment of my machine from a city thirty miles away got shunted to another state, a city three hundred miles away, and delayed by a week. Even though I was initially considering the APAP a benefit, everything around me was desperately trying to stop me. That happens when I am in the flow. I've learned over the years to be very aware of such signs.
The bottom line is that each individual gets to live their life. Some choices may be good, some bad, but no one gets out alive. In a choice of only being able to eat foods I hated, have therapy that was boring and painful, and be tied to machines for hours on end - all to increase my life, if lucky, by a year or two, I might choose quality of life over quantity.
But everyone assumes they know what this sort of thing must be all about.
"Coddling."
Entitlement.
Snootiness and a demanding attitude.
The parents must have "enabled" it and spoiled the kids.
Yeah, I dunno, maybe this whole thing IS a core values problem.
Whether that means "grown arse adults who won't eat veggies" or "grown arse adults who get inordinately upset about another person's diet, when it's completely unnecessary."
This thread in its entirely has been extremely sympathetic to picky eaters, while people who want more variety have been called control freaks who should mind their own business.
In a vacuum, or in a perfect world, I really would not enjoy being in a relationship with a picky eater. I like food and l like cooking and trying new things, and while not everybody likes everything, it's easier to work around someone who doesn't like Brussels sprouts vs. someone for whom no vegetables can be tolerated at all. It's fun for me to be able to go to a restaurant and share dishes with a dining partner, but I'd like more options than just pizza and fries to be on the menu. For me it would be disappointing to constantly be eating different meals than my SO and have food not be something that we can share.
Last edited by fleetiebelle; 10-07-2022 at 01:39 PM..
Food is life, it is personal and people take it personally. Food and drink is a huge part of socializing and relationships- a lot of our life is centered around it.
I feel bad for people who don't like to eat or can't eat many things. I once had an illness that killed my appetite for a long time and I felt like an alien. It seemed like everything revolved around food and I was left out or pressured about it.
I try to leave people alone about their eating, I consider it a personal bodily thing and would not be offended if someone didn't want to eat what I ate or what I prepared, it's fine.
I have the "cilantro tastes like soap" gene, yet oddly I don't hate cilantro if it's used to season rice or something.
Cilantro tastes like soap to me. I coped by making my own salsa, using ingredients that I like.
(my favorite : finely chopped onion, garlic, celery, and jalapenos mixed with crushed tomatoes and a bit of lime juice)
- - - -
FWIW - My relatives always had gardens, and they offered me "fresh from the garden" vegetables. Some I could tolerate, some I liked, some I could not stand - like fresh tomatoes.
Cooked, I could enjoy tomatoes in all forms. Not raw.
Another food I could not tolerate was sweet potatoes. There was nothing "sweet" about the bitterness I tasted.
Quote:
Oh and I mentioned not liking alcohol...that's another one. People have pushed and pushed when I was younger wanting me to drink
I disliked alcohol, too. As a child, adults often offered me a sip of beer. I declined. Tasted like crap to me (ditto for wine). My cousins, who weren't super tasters had no problem.
Last edited by jetgraphics; 10-07-2022 at 01:26 PM..
Cilantro tastes like soap to me. I coped by making my own salsa, using ingredients that I like.
(my favorite : finely chopped onion, garlic, celery, and jalapenos mixed with crushed tomatoes and a bit of lime juice)
- - - -
FWIW - My relatives always had gardens, and they offered me "fresh from the garden" vegetables. Some I could tolerate, some I liked, some I could not stand - like fresh tomatoes.
Cooked, I could enjoy tomatoes in all forms. Not raw.
Another food I could not tolerate was sweet potatoes. There was nothing "sweet" about the bitterness I tasted.
I disliked alcohol, too. As a child, adults often offered me a sip of beer. I declined. Tasted like crap to me (ditto for wine). My cousins, who weren't super tasters had no problem.
That's funny. I love sweet potatoes and taste nothing bitter at all about them, but turnips, one of the two or three vegetables I don't like, taste very bitter and "bad"/rotten to me, yet others have told me they think they are sweet.
I was a very picky eater when I was young. Underweight from it. Eventually that changed, but it still takes me a long time to try odd things I didn't eat before. In the past ten years, I learned to eat olives, which I'd never been able to stand; avocados, which were a turnoff because of the mushy texture and lack of any discernable flavor; and perogies, which just never made any sense to me texture wise. Potatoes wrapped in dough. Still doesn't make sense, but I learned to like them.
I also have tried sushi a few times, which took me a long time to do. It has been OK, but nothing so delicious that I would get excited at the thought of going for some.
Why not just prep his food in advance, whatever he likes to eat, and then make what you want to eat and re-heat his. I understand it's not as fun, but at least he would be happy and you could still eat whatever you wanted. You could make a roast and potatoes, portion it out for the week and re-heat. It's not hard.
I had to meal prep my food because I was on a separate nutrition plan to get fit. So I cooked for my family, and re-heated my food. No big deal, and everyone was happy.
It needs to be understood that people function differently, and so not everything will apply across the board to all others. We are each looking at this from a particular point of view, from our own personalities. Some are more emotionally-balanced adults, and maybe live with others whom are compatible, despite a difference that can be minor in their case. Others may feel it is a headache to focus upon always making another's food for them besides their own.. heck, I sometimes resist standing in the kitchen just to prepare something for myself daily and don't make a big deal at times, so I would like to be with someone flexible. For me, I love hearing of those in households where both are capable of preparing something and sharing duties.
I once had a boyfriend who was not neat and tidy, us having "gotten involved" before accepting that it would be bothering me. Though I did not have to live at his place, he had no desire to pick up after himself in my apartment, either. I recall him saying that "housework was not of interest, but that I could do that if I wanted to". This man was an intelligent guy with good taste, some positive traits, yet other stuff got in the way.
People don't initially inquire or become aware of another's tastes, habits, lifestyle when first meeting, yet it seems it would be a good idea. Finding out if one is persnickety, a limited thinker, that they don't clean up after themselves, that they are irresponsible for instance, would be good to know right away. Personally, for instance, if I knew early on that the person only ever watched Sci-FI, played video games endlessly or had strong Political views different from my own, was inflexible - I would not get started with them, but people don't tend to determine differences early, though it would save time and trouble.
(To say, I have seen how topics will end up in the wrong headings, this listed with "food and drink", when it really has to do with relationships and psychology).
Last edited by In2itive_1; 10-08-2022 at 04:13 AM..
Food is life, it is personal and people take it personally. Food and drink is a huge part of socializing and relationships- a lot of our life is centered around it.
I feel bad for people who don't like to eat or can't eat many things. I once had an illness that killed my appetite for a long time and I felt like an alien. It seemed like everything revolved around food and I was left out or pressured about it.
I try to leave people alone about their eating, I consider it a personal bodily thing and would not be offended if someone didn't want to eat what I ate or what I prepared, it's fine.
Right, I certainly would not force another to have something not appealing to them. That again, is another personality trait, one who would keep saying "Just try it...c'mon...just have some, here...". Eek. (My parents were not those to force us to eat something, either. I developed a taste for things later on).
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This man was an intelligent guy with good taste, some positive traits, yet other stuff got in the way. 
