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I dunno, I think my mindset about all this is just more easygoing than a lot of people's. I don't want to clutch and grasp at expectations or ideas and demand things of the universe where life or love is concerned. I want to be able to chill and smile and enjoy whatever comes. Be happy if things meet my expectations, and also be happy if they don't.
But again here we've got some super salty sounding individuals, showing up to 'splain how this has got to be math and science, because damn it they say so! Alright man, fine. Math says it's hopeless. If you need to give up, ain't nobody gonna stop you.
Like is this what happens when we defund all of the art and humanities stuff and insist that STEM is the only area of study that's worth a damn? Is it? People forget how to interact and date and enjoy life? Sure as hell seems like it.
Forgot? It has to be -have never known. How else do we get all of this: “You’re doing something with your relationships and life that I don’t want for mine, that means you failed! Ha! You weren’t able to get what I want so you settled!”
So predictable. There are good men all around me. I must live on another planet. I never hear my friends complain about not being able to find a good man. They sometimes complain about not knowing what to do with one, do they want to see them every day, once a week, every other week? Short term /long term, mix and match? nada? nunya? It’s not the absense of good men. IMO.
Forgot? It has to be -have never known. How else do we get all of this: “You’re doing something with your relationships and life that I don’t want for mine, that means you failed! Ha! You weren’t able to get what I want so you settled!”
So predictable. There are good men all around me. I must live on another planet. I never hear my friends complain about not being able to find a good man. They sometimes complain about not knowing what to do with one, do they want to see them every day, once a week, every other week? Short term /long term, mix and match? nada? nunya? It’s not the absense of good men. IMO.
OK well I did have this one friend... She didn't really complain about "where are the good men" but she could have or should have. Her whole love life used to just boggle my mind. She managed to find the weirdest bad dates and the most shockingly, tragically awful relationships...not just ones that didn't last, but broken hearts and bad treatment. And she was/is probably one of the top 2 or 3 most beautiful women I've ever known in my life. Ever. She's prettier than a lot of famous women. AND... She is into: Motorcycles (building and riding), cigars, fancy whiskey, guns, fly fishing. She is an engineer, makes really good money. Like she is a manly man's dream, I would think!? How she seemed to be scraping the bottom of the barrel, I just couldn't figure out.
But even she did eventually find her Mr. Right and they just had their first child recently. She has had to settle down SOME, but she's got a big family and lots of built in babysitters.
Her Mr. Right is a huge man, like both tall and BIG, with a big beard, I'm pretty sure she met him in her motorcycle club circles. They're really happy! He is crazy sweet to her, and I don't blame him.
I had a little bit of a crush on her myself but she intimidated me, I won't lie. Maybe that's how some guys felt about her, too.
You probably are not going to get both looks and nice in a man, though some exists. You trade one for the other.
I disagree. I don't think it's unrealistic to get both looks and nice in a man, but I think it is unrealistic for most women to get looks, nice and money/good career in a man.
There are plenty of women with nice and good-looking, broke men. Or at least these men are "broke" by the standards of their partners. Maybe they make less than the woman, maybe they're not as motivated as their partners want them to be. But they bring good looks to the table, which is why the women put up with them as long as they do. These are some of the most frustrating men for women to deal with, I think, since these guys are always a job application, a promotion, or a clean drug test away from establishing a decent career path, but just can't pull it together. If only he would get up off the couch, he'd be the perfect man.
These are the type of men women will often regard as "projects" or "fixer-uppers" since they focus on the physical first and then try to work on everything else later.
Because I work mostly remotely now, when I am in the office, I am stationed out in the ranks so to speak.
I am surrounded by younger employees, mostly young women. I am flooded with their chit chat and for many, it is the same topic. Young ladies in our office (meaning 25-35) are often talking about their frustration in finding a guy. They also talk about their limitations in what they consider a “good guy”
The keep asking, “Why can’t I find a ‘good guy?’”
You start out at a small disadvantage in that there are more men than women to begin with, but the difference is fairly small.
If you want someone in your general age bracket, then you are cutting things to about 25% of the men. Unless more than +/- 10 years is workable for you. Maybe 15 years older is OK, but 10 years younger is not (only 5 years), so the impact remains about the same. Slightly but not much impact on the odds if you expand the age range some and if you expand it a lot – well ick.
Somewhat less than half the men under 30 are single or uncommitted. So, now you are at 12.5%. Of course, if you expand the age range, or you are older, that number drops substantially (even though many of those married before 30 are getting divorced after 30, still a good number get married for the first time after 30, so it balances out even at older ranges.
It is estimated that roughly 3% of men are gay, asexual, or some other letter that is incompatible with being in a relationship with a woman. 9.5%
One of the most common comments I hear from young women is they will not date short men. Defining short as 5’9” (the national average), you are cutting the population in half again. 4.75% If you define short as shorter, like 5’7” and under then your odds are a tiny bit better. If taller – then your odds go down. I have heard quite a lot of your women say they are not interested in anyone under 6’. That is going to drop your odds by half again or more, but I will ignore that for now.
Many women also say they do not have any interest in men who are self-centered, self-obsessed, or narcissistic, or looking to replace their mother who has always taken care of them. Being generous with the under 30 crowd, this takes out another half, so 2.375% remain. However since most of those are going to be the ones who are married, you better take half again. 1.1375%
Take away other unacceptable traits. Bald, fat, skinny/scrawny, too muscular, too hairy, undereducated (no college), chew or smoke tobacco, foreign culture (especially misogynistic cultures), pot use, drug use, video game player, heavy drinker or alcoholic, doesn’t earn enough, conceited or snobby, hair or eye color, unacceptable habits (spitting, nose picking, farting in public, etc), bad teeth, acne or acne scars, too religious, nor religious enough, simply ugly. . . . Now you are down to a small fraction of 1%, depending on how many of those conditions apply.
Now take away those to whom you are not attractive. The ones who find you too skinny, too fat, too hairy, too plain, overly made up, breasts too small or too large, butt too small, too large, too flat, too round; over or under-educated, hair color, eye color height, too silly, too serious, overly or under religious, too smart/dumb, too OCD or not clean enough, etc. Now you are down to about .001%.
“But I want a guy who will make me laugh” .0005%
You have about 0 % chance of meeting an eligible guy. If by some miracle you find one, you also have to somehow outdo your competition.
Better off playing the lotto. If you win guys will come flocking to you and your odds of winning the lotto are about the same as they are of meeting that magical unicorn – the good guy.
The divorced women I know would have been happy just to find a guy who is honest, it's almost impossible to find a guy with that good trait, never mind the others. Great post, you nailed it!
I think the problem is that we have been conditioned by religion to want to find a marriage partner. If we developed a society which lived in groups rather than small units, then the kids would be brought up together, more sociable, the adults would "mix and match" with each other. Maybe more like our cave-man ancestors lived in groups together? Those who did not get along would move out and start their own group.
The divorced women I know would have been happy just to find a guy who is honest, it's almost impossible to find a guy with that good trait, never mind the others. Great post, you nailed it!
So would I! I did some soul-searching years ago and realized that most of the men I got involved with had lied about something significant within the first 3 months of the relationship. Unfortunately, I didn't discover the lie until I was much deeper into the relationship.
After that, I started acting smarter, and coined my motto: "FIRST lie, good-BYE."
If you all think you have it bad, it's even worse for African-American women. A really disproportionate number of African-American men are in the criminal justice system, or have substance abuse, or were killed or injured (mentally or physically) in military service or by just living in violent neighborhoods or environments. The limited number remaining are often in relationships or marriages with non-AA women.
I disagree. I don't think it's unrealistic to get both looks and nice in a man, but I think it is unrealistic for most women to get looks, nice and money/good career in a man.
There are plenty of women with nice and good-looking, broke men. Or at least these men are "broke" by the standards of their partners. Maybe they make less than the woman, maybe they're not as motivated as their partners want them to be. But they bring good looks to the table, which is why the women put up with them as long as they do. These are some of the most frustrating men for women to deal with, I think, since these guys are always a job application, a promotion, or a clean drug test away from establishing a decent career path, but just can't pull it together. If only he would get up off the couch, he'd be the perfect man.
These are the type of men women will often regard as "projects" or "fixer-uppers" since they focus on the physical first and then try to work on everything else later.
Talk about general .
So any good looking fella out there is a fix upper eh, Jezuz. And what , she's basically only with him bc he's good looking.
Man, don't believe some of the thinking out there. You haven't even mentioned the other 2 dozen things that bring people together, like personality , who they are , love.
Because I work mostly remotely now, when I am in the office, I am stationed out in the ranks so to speak.
I am surrounded by younger employees, mostly young women. I am flooded with their chit chat and for many, it is the same topic. Young ladies in our office (meaning 25-35) are often talking about their frustration in finding a guy. They also talk about their limitations in what they consider a “good guy”
The keep asking, “Why can’t I find a ‘good guy?’”
You start out at a small disadvantage in that there are more men than women to begin with, but the difference is fairly small.
If you want someone in your general age bracket, then you are cutting things to about 25% of the men. Unless more than +/- 10 years is workable for you. Maybe 15 years older is OK, but 10 years younger is not (only 5 years), so the impact remains about the same. Slightly but not much impact on the odds if you expand the age range some and if you expand it a lot – well ick.
Somewhat less than half the men under 30 are single or uncommitted. So, now you are at 12.5%. Of course, if you expand the age range, or you are older, that number drops substantially (even though many of those married before 30 are getting divorced after 30, still a good number get married for the first time after 30, so it balances out even at older ranges.
It is estimated that roughly 3% of men are gay, asexual, or some other letter that is incompatible with being in a relationship with a woman. 9.5%
One of the most common comments I hear from young women is they will not date short men. Defining short as 5’9” (the national average), you are cutting the population in half again. 4.75% If you define short as shorter, like 5’7” and under then your odds are a tiny bit better. If taller – then your odds go down. I have heard quite a lot of your women say they are not interested in anyone under 6’. That is going to drop your odds by half again or more, but I will ignore that for now.
Many women also say they do not have any interest in men who are self-centered, self-obsessed, or narcissistic, or looking to replace their mother who has always taken care of them. Being generous with the under 30 crowd, this takes out another half, so 2.375% remain. However since most of those are going to be the ones who are married, you better take half again. 1.1375%
Take away other unacceptable traits. Bald, fat, skinny/scrawny, too muscular, too hairy, undereducated (no college), chew or smoke tobacco, foreign culture (especially misogynistic cultures), pot use, drug use, video game player, heavy drinker or alcoholic, doesn’t earn enough, conceited or snobby, hair or eye color, unacceptable habits (spitting, nose picking, farting in public, etc), bad teeth, acne or acne scars, too religious, nor religious enough, simply ugly. . . . Now you are down to a small fraction of 1%, depending on how many of those conditions apply.
Now take away those to whom you are not attractive. The ones who find you too skinny, too fat, too hairy, too plain, overly made up, breasts too small or too large, butt too small, too large, too flat, too round; over or under-educated, hair color, eye color height, too silly, too serious, overly or under religious, too smart/dumb, too OCD or not clean enough, etc. Now you are down to about .001%.
“But I want a guy who will make me laugh” .0005%
You have about 0 % chance of meeting an eligible guy. If by some miracle you find one, you also have to somehow outdo your competition.
Better off playing the lotto. If you win guys will come flocking to you and your odds of winning the lotto are about the same as they are of meeting that magical unicorn – the good guy.
So if we're talking about 25 to 35 being younger that would put you what in your early 40s?
The good men at that point are already married to good women.
Weren't you looking in your twenties?
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