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Because I work mostly remotely now, when I am in the office, I am stationed out in the ranks so to speak.
I am surrounded by younger employees, mostly young women. I am flooded with their chit chat and for many, it is the same topic. Young ladies in our office (meaning 25-35) are often talking about their frustration in finding a guy. They also talk about their limitations in what they consider a “good guy”
The keep asking, “Why can’t I find a ‘good guy?’”
You start out at a small disadvantage in that there are more men than women to begin with, but the difference is fairly small.
If you want someone in your general age bracket, then you are cutting things to about 25% of the men. Unless more than +/- 10 years is workable for you. Maybe 15 years older is OK, but 10 years younger is not (only 5 years), so the impact remains about the same. Slightly but not much impact on the odds if you expand the age range some and if you expand it a lot – well ick.
Somewhat less than half the men under 30 are single or uncommitted. So, now you are at 12.5%. Of course, if you expand the age range, or you are older, that number drops substantially (even though many of those married before 30 are getting divorced after 30, still a good number get married for the first time after 30, so it balances out even at older ranges.
It is estimated that roughly 3% of men are gay, asexual, or some other letter that is incompatible with being in a relationship with a woman. 9.5%
One of the most common comments I hear from young women is they will not date short men. Defining short as 5’9” (the national average), you are cutting the population in half again. 4.75% If you define short as shorter, like 5’7” and under then your odds are a tiny bit better. If taller – then your odds go down. I have heard quite a lot of your women say they are not interested in anyone under 6’. That is going to drop your odds by half again or more, but I will ignore that for now.
Many women also say they do not have any interest in men who are self-centered, self-obsessed, or narcissistic, or looking to replace their mother who has always taken care of them. Being generous with the under 30 crowd, this takes out another half, so 2.375% remain. However since most of those are going to be the ones who are married, you better take half again. 1.1375%
Take away other unacceptable traits. Bald, fat, skinny/scrawny, too muscular, too hairy, undereducated (no college), chew or smoke tobacco, foreign culture (especially misogynistic cultures), pot use, drug use, video game player, heavy drinker or alcoholic, doesn’t earn enough, conceited or snobby, hair or eye color, unacceptable habits (spitting, nose picking, farting in public, etc), bad teeth, acne or acne scars, too religious, nor religious enough, simply ugly. . . . Now you are down to a small fraction of 1%, depending on how many of those conditions apply.
Now take away those to whom you are not attractive. The ones who find you too skinny, too fat, too hairy, too plain, overly made up, breasts too small or too large, butt too small, too large, too flat, too round; over or under-educated, hair color, eye color height, too silly, too serious, overly or under religious, too smart/dumb, too OCD or not clean enough, etc. Now you are down to about .001%.
“But I want a guy who will make me laugh” .0005%
You have about 0 % chance of meeting an eligible guy. If by some miracle you find one, you also have to somehow outdo your competition.
Better off playing the lotto. If you win guys will come flocking to you and your odds of winning the lotto are about the same as they are of meeting that magical unicorn – the good guy.
That said people get in relationships all of the time and the reason I think it happens despite what appears to be initial long odds against it is that as people get more frustrated with dating and they then start getting a lot more realistic about their actual dating requirements. Lots of women who might prefer to date men taller than 6' tall end up in relationships with men shorter than 6'. Lots of men compromise about the body shapes and attractiveness expectations that they have for a girlfriend too. I think most people who are in relationships, set their expectations for a relationship based partially on what is realistically attainable to them.
I think women are more picky/shallow then ever because of the power they have in OLD things like social media etc
That’s not to say Men aren’t it’s just I think women have caught up
For every 4 women online there is probably 6 or 7 men. As a guy you can probably come up with plenty of other activities where the gender ratio is a lot more favorable for you. With offline activities, you have more opportunities to get to know women over time and then make your move. I am not even saying you have to give up online datig completely, just don't make it the primary focus of your efforts. But dating is often more humane offline. Women recognize you as a person and often its a lot funner way to meet people.
That's the math, isn't it? Every time you introduce a requirement, you cut out a percentage. In no time at all, the percentage is less than 1%. What if...she desperately wants kids and he adamantly refuses (or vice-versa)? She thinks he's all that, but he isn't interested in her? I think too there's a time factor. You meet someone who's perfect for you but he/she is married. You move on with your life, marry someone and discover that that special someone is no longer married, but now YOU aren't available. A friend of mine used to say that everybody wants tailor made, but we live in an off-the-rack world.
Better off playing the lotto. If you win guys will come flocking to you and your odds of winning the lotto are about the same as they are of meeting that magical unicorn – the good guy.
There aren't any. I have seen the greatest women of my generation either stay single or get married and live to regret it.
You just live at a bad time where people generally suck but most of all, one particular gender.
Quote:
I think women are more picky/shallow then ever because of the power they have in OLD things like social media etc
Right there -- but yet, on a thread of a woman saying she can't find anyone.
Ok, so Ive been married since I was 18, to 2 husbands, and never missed a year. I may not be the best judge for the modern woman, since I’m old.
For what it is worth, there are people who want a partner for life, and there are people who don’t. This generation is one which has parents with multiple partners, so they have no role models to show them the way. There was never a divorce in my family for generations, until me.
If something happened to my husband of 43 years, I would not look for another man. I would be content with my memories.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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And yet people continue to meet, date, couple, and even have children. No shortage of that with the people I am friends with, my coworkers, their kids and nephews/nieces. Because, math is not how people connect, have chemistry, and fall in love and make relationships work.
People who put up "conditions" or " requirements" that shrink a pool to where it's an impossibility to meet them, aren't trying to meet people. They're trying to avoid connecting with people. It's a common form of self protection from emotional pain.
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