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OP, did you ever think that maybe she's bone tired?
On one hand, you call her a high achiever, and in final year of medical sciences degree. That sounds pretty impressive to me. But on the other hand, you call her lazy.
You're pushing way too hard to make her into what you want her to be. Life just doesnt work that way. Marriage is a partnership, not a Daddy issue, which is what you are doing.
Only way to make this work is to stop pushing her and let her do what she wants. If you dont like her for who she is, you married the wrong person.
OP, how long has she been showing the symptoms you describe? Did she seem depressed through whatever courtship process you had? How long did you know her before marrying her?
I don't quite understand the situation with her studies. The way you describe it, it sounds like you're the only thing preventing her from failing her program. What would happen if you let her be responsible for her own studying, like most adults in academia are?
Did you marry her for the person she is, or for her earning potential as a PhD in the medical field?
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,700 posts, read 41,758,476 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CuriousCove
My wife and I are in a dilemma, She's very unhappy with her life.
Every morning we wake up and go running. I practically have to drag her out of bed to get her to
come along. Her mood becomes better as we warm up and by the end she's much happier. I try to
make it fun with interval sprints.
Afterwards I go to work and she goes to university. She's a high achiever, in her final year of her
medical sciences degree. Given her grades, she'll most likely be eligible for entry in her phD. She
also hates studying. I need to constantly be on top of her to get everything done. She hates how I
push her constantly.
I also have my own work. On top of that I have to constantly butt heads with her to make sure she
doesn't self-sabotage. She's always complaining and it honestly makes me sad with what I'm doing
with my life. I want her to be happy. I really do. But I don't think I'll want someone who's lazy to be
the mother of my children. If she's so upset about these things (she also hates cooking and cleaning
despite my mum doing most of the work) then how will she fare as a mother?
The way I see it, if she's going to be lazy it'll make me immeasurably miserable. If we stay together
and continue as is, she'll be unhappy.
If we part ways, it'll hurt her a lot. I did briefly suggest something remotely in this regards and she
broke down. I don't know what to do
I’m going to dissent from the others a little. You need to leave her alone on the running since she clearly don’t enjoy it. I don’t have any issue with making sure her degree work is done since as a couple you have an economic stake in making sure she can maximize that degree to help the house’s financial situation.
But it may sound like you have different priorities since she is resistant to domestic duties and that is something you’re concerned about. I’d go to conseuling to figure out whether this marriage has a viable future before buying a house or any other further steps. And for the love of God, don’t even THINK about getting pregnant until a final decision is made to proceed further with the marriage or not.
Stop getting her up in the morning. Stop nagging her about her homework. If she's high functioning as you say she will get it done.
I assume you must be helping your mum with the cooking and cleaning because otherwise you shouldn't be expecting your wife to do it.
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