Life is Good but unhappy (woman, young, partner, honest)

[elnina]

Also, we don't know much about the morning runs. Perhaps he "wants" her in shape? Encouragement is fine, but bullying is not, though...

And how many of us "hate" cooking or cleaning? Probably a bunch.
So, mum comes handy... especially if she has time and likes to help.
Later on with both of them being successful in life, they could hire domestic help.
I don't see problem here...

He seems to be a macho type who expects his wife to do her duty on top of her study. Expecting and demanding, but not equally helping.
Do you think he would change diapers or get up at night to calm a crying baby? Something tells me, he won't. But he has a plan to have children...

This is not 1800 anymore.

Why didn't they discuss all that before getting married?

[kygman]

Originally Posted by CuriousCove

I want her to be happy. I really do. But I don't think I'll want someone who's lazy to be
the mother of my children. If she's so upset about these things (she also hates cooking and cleaning
despite my mum doing most of the work) then how will she fare as a mother?

I know several have already said this, in one way or another, but you want her to be "your" kind of happy, not the way she wants to be happy. Also, you say you don't want somebody lazy to be the mother of YOUR children. They're just as much hers as they are yours. If you and HERS AND YOUR kids want to go to something, then go do it! Ask her if she wants to go. If yes, fine! If no, then, "OK, you take it easy and we'll see you when we get back". No wonder she hates to get up!

[adamexe]

Originally Posted by CuriousCove

My wife and I are in a dilemma, She's very unhappy with her life.
Every morning we wake up and go running. I practically have to drag her out of bed to get her to
come along. Her mood becomes better as we warm up and by the end she's much happier. I try to
make it fun with interval sprints.

Afterwards I go to work and she goes to university. She's a high achiever, in her final year of her
medical sciences degree. Given her grades, she'll most likely be eligible for entry in her phD. She
also hates studying. I need to constantly be on top of her to get everything done. She hates how I
push her constantly.

I also have my own work. On top of that I have to constantly butt heads with her to make sure she
doesn't self-sabotage. She's always complaining and it honestly makes me sad with what I'm doing
with my life. I want her to be happy. I really do. But I don't think I'll want someone who's lazy to be
the mother of my children. If she's so upset about these things (she also hates cooking and cleaning
despite my mum doing most of the work) then how will she fare as a mother?

The way I see it, if she's going to be lazy it'll make me immeasurably miserable. If we stay together
and continue as is, she'll be unhappy.

If we part ways, it'll hurt her a lot. I did briefly suggest something remotely in this regards and she
broke down. I don't know what to do

I got absolutely zero empathy from this post to the point where I'm wondering if it should even be taken seriously.

More than likely the reason for her unhappiness is that she loves someone who treats her like a child and for whom she feels like she will never be enough.

You come off as self-absorbed and narcissistic. Or a troll.

[YorktownGal]

Originally Posted by CuriousCove

But I don't think I'll want someone who's lazy to be
the mother of my children. If she's so upset about these things (she also hates cooking and cleaning
despite my mum doing most of the work) then how will she fare as a mother?

OP, why don't you do the cooking and cleaning? I'm sure you can do just as good of a job.

Honestly, kids don't care about whether or not a home is cleaned. Anyway, it's easy enough to hire a person for a weekly or biweekly cleaning.

What happens when your wife finishes her education? Will she work full-time when pregnant and after childbirth? Do you plan to have your mother raise the children for you? Wouldn't that make your mother their primary caregiver and your wife a second fiddle? I'm not seeing an upside for your wife.

Your wife is burnt out and desperately needs a break in her studies. She may decide not to go for a PhD and that's okay!

[Athair]

Did you marry your daughter? Or do you just enjoy being your wife’s father?

[H8t3rs]

I understand your concerns. Maybe she is stressed out or maybe its depression. Has she talked to a mental health professional?

[Mikala43]

She doesn't sound lazy at all. You sound insanely controlling. If I was in the middle of all that, cooking and cleaning probably wouldn't get done either. I'm sure you are doing half the chores? Heck, I'm retired, and if I don't feel like cooking I don't. Because I'm an adult, and have that right. I get to determine when I am too tired to do something.

[Three Wolves In Snow]

Originally Posted by CuriousCove

My wife and I are in a dilemma, She's very unhappy with her life.
Every morning we wake up and go running. I practically have to drag her out of bed to get her to
come along. Her mood becomes better as we warm up and by the end she's much happier. I try to
make it fun with interval sprints.

Afterwards I go to work and she goes to university. She's a high achiever, in her final year of her
medical sciences degree. Given her grades, she'll most likely be eligible for entry in her phD. She
also hates studying. I need to constantly be on top of her to get everything done. She hates how I
push her constantly.

I also have my own work. On top of that I have to constantly butt heads with her to make sure she
doesn't self-sabotage. She's always complaining and it honestly makes me sad with what I'm doing
with my life. I want her to be happy. I really do. But I don't think I'll want someone who's lazy to be
the mother of my children. If she's so upset about these things (she also hates cooking and cleaning
despite my mum doing most of the work) then how will she fare as a mother?

The way I see it, if she's going to be lazy it'll make me immeasurably miserable. If we stay together
and continue as is, she'll be unhappy.

If we part ways, it'll hurt her a lot. I did briefly suggest something remotely in this regards and she
broke down. I don't know what to do

Sounds to me like she's tired.

She gets dragged out of bed every morning to go running. She might be happier when it's over, but maybe she would like to run at a different time?

Why do you 'have to be on top of her' about her studying? It's her future. If she pays the consequences of not studying, then she might change her mind about studying and work harder, on her own, without someone 'being on top of her' all the time. She hates that you do that. Leave her alone. It's exhausting to deal with someone always riding your backside.

She'll be a lot happier if you back off.

Dragging her out of bed in the early morning, and getting on her for studying does not show she's a lazy person. It's that she's tired of being treated like a child. Does it matter if she doesn't run all the time? Does it matter if she studies in her own way, in her own time? If she's a 'high achiever', she will get there, herself.

[2mares]

If my mate said to me "I don't think I'll want someone who's lazy to be the mother of my children" when I had nearly finished a medical science degree and apparently did well enough to get into a PhD program and who believes cooking and cleaning is what makes a mother, I would be out the door.

OP do you want her to finish her degree and work in a good career or do you want her to be a SAHM. If it is the latter, why is she even going to college?

[ellie]

Looks like we scared off the OP.