"There is Someone for Everyone"... (dating, boyfriend, marriage)
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Of course I am 31 and single and have never really had a relationship. I think one thing that really used to bother me is the point at one time I really wanted to be with someone at one time, and tried talking to a few people in the past, only later to be put in the 'friends' bin. I know I have been told all through high school and somewhat beyond is that "There is someone for everyone" and that "there is someone out there for you". At one time I tried to believe it but now, I honestly don't believe that anymore.
Is it really in us to long for companionship of someone? Many women don't like an overly quiet, shy person like myself. I don't go out very much at all except to work and run errands. But I do have several hobbies. However so many other people I have known seem to have no problem finding someone.
Maybe its meant for me to be alone. Whenever someone says that there's someone for everyone I have always responded "yes, for everyone else except me" Or that there really isn't anyone out there for me like it seems to be for everyone else. Maybe I am just simply undatable.
I am happy with myself, and I enjoy being single. I think the main point I was trying to convey is that sometimes I have thoughts that relegate to the reality that I may always be single, and that there isn't anyone out there for me, as far as a lifelong relationship is concerned. I'm not ugly, im pretty smart and try to be resourceful as much as possible. But then again there are some days where you long for someone or with you had someone to really talk to.
Has anyone ever felt this way? I'm sure I am not the only one.
I've heard that old saying, too - too many times. It's just another one of those wishful-thinking, feel-good warm-fuzzies. It has no basis in reality or the laws of probability. But since hope springs eternal in most people, they find it a comforting thought.
It's good that you're happy being single, and more importantly happy with yourself. Anything else is just gravy, and you know what? I really DO think some of us aren't meant to have another person in our lives.
The damage starts when we fight that perception, even though we know in our heart of hearts that THAT is indeed the way it is. We allow dreams and hopes and expectations to take over our emotions, then we're disappointed when nothing happens.
And no, it doesn't matter if you're rich, handsome and hung like Godzilla - if it isn't meant to be, then it won't be. But here's the kicker, the thing that will keep you awake wondering at night -
We never know until our dying day whether we are indeed meant to be alone. A satisfying relationship might be around the corner. Or it might not.
So, if you accept this theory, how then would you live your life?
I was telling one of my co-workers about my boyfriend's mom getting remarried two years ago to a really neat guy. He turns 65 years old next month and this was a first marriage for him. He's a subtle man. A bit shy but with a terrific dry sense of humour. He's also very worldly. Anyway, from what I heard from his family, having a woman in his life was never that important to him. Or rather, he just wasn't interested in dating just any woman, he wanted a special one. Then my co-worker told me about a favorite uncle in her family that also never dated for decades, then suddenly found the right woman and got married... around the age of 50, much to the surprise of the rest of the family.
I've heard that old saying, too - too many times. It's just another one of those wishful-thinking, feel-good warm-fuzzies. It has no basis in reality or the laws of probability. But since hope springs eternal in most people, they find it a comforting thought.
It's good that you're happy being single, and more importantly happy with yourself. Anything else is just gravy, and you know what? I really DO think some of us aren't meant to have another person in our lives.
The damage starts when we fight that perception, even though we know in our heart of hearts that THAT is indeed the way it is. We allow dreams and hopes and expectations to take over our emotions, then we're disappointed when nothing happens.
And no, it doesn't matter if you're rich, handsome and hung like Godzilla - if it isn't meant to be, then it won't be. But here's the kicker, the thing that will keep you awake wondering at night -
We never know until our dying day whether we are indeed meant to be alone. A satisfying relationship might be around the corner. Or it might not.
So, if you accept this theory, how then would you live your life?
I wish I could believe there was someone for everyone. I too feel extremely lonely sometimes and think maybe I'm the problem, Maybe im not dating material. I am completely open and friendly around people im not really attracted to and that results in me being put in the friend bin. If i am interested in someone, i completely clam up. I dont want to say something stupid to put them off and have been told by friends that when they first met me they thought i was rude. im just really self conscious. I feel like if i put myself out there people will secretly think "why the hell are you talking to me? what makes you think i would be remotely interested in you?"
So i dont know what to do. Im almost too scared of getting shot down to even try. I might as well start acquiring the cats and learn to knit now, while I still have the mental capacity.
I enjoy running model trains (like Lionel and MTH related stuff), working with audio and video, taking road trips/traveling, listening to music and building computers. Most of the hobbies I have are expensive so it takes alot of time to indulge in them whenever I can.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Smithey
I wish I could believe there was someone for everyone. I too feel extremely lonely sometimes and think maybe I'm the problem, Maybe im not dating material. I am completely open and friendly around people im not really attracted to and that results in me being put in the friend bin. If i am interested in someone, i completely clam up. I dont want to say something stupid to put them off and have been told by friends that when they first met me they thought i was rude. im just really self conscious. I feel like if i put myself out there people will secretly think "why the hell are you talking to me? what makes you think i would be remotely interested in you?"
So i dont know what to do. Im almost too scared of getting shot down to even try. I might as well start acquiring the cats and learn to knit now, while I still have the mental capacity.
I have had those same feelings many times in the past. Oftentimes I find someone I would like to talk to, but too nervous to even start a conversation. By the time I do think of something to say that person is gone.
There's alot of fear in most of us when it comes to wanting to date and such. Main thing being the fear of rejection, and I have had my share of them. But it can affect your confidence and self esteem because it makes you feel instantly that there is something wrong with you and that you are jacked up in some way. Yet at times when I see guys date really decent women it makes me want to punch the dude out for being lucky .
I don't worry about it as much anymore like I used to. I remember high school to me was a joke because if you didnt date you were seen as a loser. Pretty much was a social circle where all kids tried to do was find someone. I pretty much stood out in isolation.
One thing I have learned, as I got older, alot of the things that really mattered then doesn't matter now anymore and you tend to think things more thorougly. It would be nice if someone took an interest in me or if I suddenly had the desire to know people, but inthe end, I think that there are many things I can do for myself that will keep me occupied for a long time.
If you are happy with yourself then don't worry about this. You said you have hobbies so get involved in some of those areas and see if you find someone with some of the same interests. Then even being a bit shy, you will have things to talk about. There are no time tables to life. Enjoy the journey along the way...
Of course I am 31 and single and have never really had a relationship. I think one thing that really used to bother me is the point at one time I really wanted to be with someone at one time, and tried talking to a few people in the past, only later to be put in the 'friends' bin. I know I have been told all through high school and somewhat beyond is that "There is someone for everyone" and that "there is someone out there for you". At one time I tried to believe it but now, I honestly don't believe that anymore.
Is it really in us to long for companionship of someone? Many women don't like an overly quiet, shy person like myself. I don't go out very much at all except to work and run errands. But I do have several hobbies. However so many other people I have known seem to have no problem finding someone.
Maybe its meant for me to be alone. Whenever someone says that there's someone for everyone I have always responded "yes, for everyone else except me" Or that there really isn't anyone out there for me like it seems to be for everyone else. Maybe I am just simply undatable.
I am happy with myself, and I enjoy being single. I think the main point I was trying to convey is that sometimes I have thoughts that relegate to the reality that I may always be single, and that there isn't anyone out there for me, as far as a lifelong relationship is concerned. I'm not ugly, im pretty smart and try to be resourceful as much as possible. But then again there are some days where you long for someone or with you had someone to really talk to.
Has anyone ever felt this way? I'm sure I am not the only one.
awwwww your post made me sad ....I think you are selling yourself too short, I know there is somone out there for everyone....there's no doubt about it......sometimes it just takes longer to find him/her. You sound like a really great guy and maybe you just haven't discovered your perfect match yet. You can't give up but don't put you on hold either.....just do what makes you happy and she'll show up....probably when you least expect it too
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your post made me sad 
