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Sounds like you need to run and move on with your life.
I never understand women that hang on by threads to dead relationships. From a man's perspective, I would say he has sent every signal he isn't interested anymore. Grant the divorce and find someone worthwhile. You are still very young. Go out and make a nice life for yourself.
Turtle girl, you have a perfect opportunity to be single and have some fun and meet some really nice people and you're blowing it! I mean, you are wasting all your energy on a guy who cares nothing about you! Why would you do that to yourself??? Stop having ANY contact with him and you will be able to move on. Whenever you think about him, you need to get on the phone and talk to a friend or go out and do something constructive or something fun. He's seeing other people and that's what you need to do too.
I was with a guy for 5 years and we got married May of 07, we seperated in Oct of 07 after a huge fight. I relocated to the South, and he to the Midwest. We talked on and off for the last year, and now we talk on a regular basis without fighting - the only thing we fight over is not seeing each other. I want to see him - he says he doesnt want to see me. He says he needs a divorce for clarity, and then we would work on getting back together. Last month he started seeing other people. I have asked him numerous times to fly out there for a weekend, and he constantly tells me no, he doesn't want to see me, that we can see each other after the divorce. He says I am forcing him to do something he doesnt want to do by seeing him.
The distance and lack of communication has forced us to grow apart.
I don't know what to do, should I just fly out there and show up and see what happens? Whenever I ask to visit he constantly buys time in one and two month increments.
I know how stupid and dumb this sounds, but it's been a year and I am not hurting or missing him any less.
First and foremost: Respect yourself.
Basically, you guys were a couple of hotheads. Then you made matters worse by moving away. Then, suddenly, you changed your mind about him. But at this point, it's too late. He's dating, he doesn't want to see you, and he refuses to have any eye-to-eye contact until after the divorce.
Short of a restraining order, what's it going to take for you to leave him alone? Because this business of showing up on his doorstep might work great in Sleepless In Seattle but, in real life, it's a sign that you're unhinged--a green light, if you will, for him to sever things entirely.
I respect your being heartbroken and missing him. But your approach hasn't worked and will never work. You're essentially cornering the guy and, pretty soon, he'll have to fight his way out.
In the .0001% chance he actually might eventually want you back, you better give him some space and do it fast. Before he gets an unlisted telephone number.
Don't cry over someone who is not crying over you. If it's been a year and you are still at the same level of hurt that you were a year ago, that sounds like obsession to me. Your pushing him into wanting to even see you indicates that clearly. Thinking about popping up on him against his wishes is just plain scary. No means no, don't we women always ride on that phrase when it comes to men? He has told you the same and what you are doing to him is considered mental-rape. Move on, gather your self-respect and dignity back up...
I don't think the relationship is dead, I don't think 5 years that he says were the best years of his life, could be gone in one year, regardless of the fact hes seeing people. I think there is a chance.
CPG I think you are compeltely right, corner, space and all.
Short of a restraining order, what's it going to take for you to leave him alone?
Unless I missed something, they're not legally divorced. I don't think anybody's gonna issue a restraining order against a wife who wants to talk with her (still) husband.
Unless I missed something, they're not legally divorced. I don't think anybody's gonna issue a restraining order against a wife who wants to talk with her (still) husband.
Sure you can. Just the same way that an estranged wife can have one issued against an abusive husband. After all, if there's a legal separation here, then it's just that: Legal.
people who know us in real life say he doesnt want to see me cause it will stop him from getting the divorce.
His family is a large part of this problem.
He is 28 and I am 26.
So they don't like you?
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