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Tell me why she doesn't alert security? If someone was stealing her purse, wouldn't she yell for help? If someone spit in her face, wouldn't she yell? If someone was breaking into her car or house, wouldn't she scream? So why didn't she scream or ask for help in the mall if it was something so bad that security needed to get involved?
Well, if this were an isolated incident, then yes, logically that's what anyone would do. But I bet this happens all the time to her and it gets worse at home. Her choices don't seem that clear to her. It's very difficult to explain to someone who's never been there and it's even very hard to come to accept that it happened to you.
I really can't keep going on this thread. It's becoming too painful
In your case, your husband does have the excuse of "mental abnormalities". In your husband's case, he may not understand what he's doing because of Bipolar, ADD and OCD. However, that is not the case with most abusers.
I now understand your posts.
I hope you will stay free and rebuild your life. I can only imagine what you've been through.
Thank you, I'm signing off now - I just can't talk about this any more
Yep, turn your back and bury your head...that always makes unpleasant things go away!
It's easy for you and other people to say you'd step in, but that's just talk. What if they were on a street at night and you noticed this? And what if you didn't have a cellphone? You would probably walk off and do NOTHING! Why: because you don't know the situation; because you could get harmed or killed; because you know she could turn on you; because you're one of those women who think it is a man's job to do everything yet you want to act hypocritical and ask for equality. If you were all alone and you saw this, I doubt you'd do jack to stop it.
Well, if this were an isolated incident, then yes, logically that's what anyone would do. But I bet this happens all the time to her and it gets worse at home. Her choices don't seem that clear to her. It's very difficult to explain to someone who's never been there and it's even very hard to come to accept that it happened to you.
I really can't keep going on this thread. It's becoming too painful
I apologize if it has become to painful. I appreciate your responses in this thread.
It's easy for you and other people to say you'd step in, but that's just talk. What if they were on a street at night and you noticed this? And what if you didn't have a cellphone? You would probably walk off and do NOTHING! Why: because you don't know the situation; because you could get harmed or killed; because you know she could turn on you; because you're one of those women who think it is a man's job to do everything yet you want to act hypocritical and ask for equality. If you were all alone and you saw this, I doubt you'd do jack to stop it.
Ya' know what? I HAVE stepped in and I have never been sorry for it...I have called the police, made reports to Social Services AND I have PHYSICALLY placed myself between my friend and her husband when he was about to strike her...
Don't tell me about what I would do...I KNOW what I would do and I KNOW what YOU would do!
Ya' know what? I HAVE stepped in and I have never been sorry for it...I have called the police, made reports to Social Services AND I have PHYSICALLY placed myself between my friend and her husband when he was about to strike her...
Don't tell me about what I would do...I KNOW what I would do and I KNOW what YOU would do!
The discussion was mainly based on strangers coming into the situation. I don't want to throw aside your argument, but you have to understand the problems that can involve a stranger getting into another person's business. Call me whatever word you want; if it's such a big deal to you to feel mighty toward me then have your little giggles. But here is the most important point of the argument: in this country alone, there will always be many women who let themselves be abused into relationships. Despite the fact that we've got many support groups and ways of trying to prevent it women will always be abused in the U.S.A. And you can blame the bystanders for not doing anything, you can blame the men, but whose fault is it for playing the victim? It's the woman's fault. Why do they keep falling into this? Because many of them like it.
I am not giggling...I am very disturbed that you would not do anything...
Have you ever stopped to think about how the Allied Forces felt when they went into the Concentration Camps? Do you think they were whispering under their breath "Sheesh, what are we doing here? They had it coming because they believed the SS when they told them everything would be fine."?
We are not islands...we are in this thing together and every now and then we need to come out of our comfort zones and do the right thing...
I have been involved in a strangers situation before...I called the police, as I should have...
Again, you have told us what you did and what you are willing to do...just because you are not willing to put yourself out there to help someone does not mean others aren't...
Quote:
Originally Posted by What!
The discussion was mainly based on strangers coming into the situation. I don't want to throw aside your argument, but you have to understand the problems that can involve a stranger getting into another person's business. Call me whatever word you want; if it's such a big deal to you to feel mighty toward me then have your little giggles. But here is the most important point of the argument: in this country alone, there will always be many women who let themselves be abused into relationships. Despite the fact that we've got many support groups and ways of trying to prevent it women will always be abused in the U.S.A. And you can blame the bystanders for not doing anything, you can blame the men, but whose fault is it for playing the victim? It's the woman's fault. Why do they keep falling into this? Because many of them like it.
Honestly, I am not sure what I would do with the OP's situation.
The thing is, like it or not, you have no idea what their situation is. I'm not sure if I am phrasing this right, but, they may be acting out in public, for whatever reason. Some women get turned on by that kind of thing. Of course, I will have lots of women (and guys here) jumping on my back for that statement, but, it is true....sometimes
Personally, if it was someone I knew, I would most likely get involved. Not knowing the people, it is NOT my business... as sad as that is. I don't like to get involved in other's affairs, because, you have no idea what is really going on. For all you know, they could have been spatting about anything. People get pissy with each other when they are out shopping and stuff.
And, just so you know, I grew up in an abusive home environment, on in which my mom was beaten a lot. As was I. I am the furthest thing from an abuser ever, as I saw how they were.
I will say, looking back, my mom, while not "deserving" anything, certainly did not hesitate to egg it on, provoke the situations, etc. I know, you should never hit a woman, of course. I liken it to a pit bull. If you know it's gonna go crazy on you, you wouldn't go poking it with a stick. My mom would totally act like an ass and tick my dad off and then the antics would start.
And, to let you know as well, just so you don't think I am a total jerk, one time my mom started screaming "Justin, help me, he is trying to kill me!" I ran down to our basement, where he was trying to bash her head in with a piece of my weight bench. I tried to separate the two of them, at which point he attacked me. Long story short, my dad ended up in the hospital for three days and nearly died on the way to the hospital.
I know the OP defends his lack of action, but the simple truth of the matter is it would have cost him nothing, except a couple of minutes of his time to call 911. Nobody would have to know and he would have never had to get involved in the situation. Pretty simple.
And you can blame the bystanders for not doing anything, you can blame the men, but whose fault is it for playing the victim? It's the woman's fault. Why do they keep falling into this? Because many of them like it.
Are you aware that this is 2008, almost 2009?? 1938 called and it want's it's myth back. Women "play" victim??? And they like it??? I don't even know how to respond, save that I hope these are merely inflammatory comments to get a rise out of people.
And, just to be clear, it's not always a man abusing a woman. There are issues in all types of relationships that can turn abusive, gender roles can be reversed or they can be the same. It doesn't matter, since the basic point is that any sort of behavior, even if you think it's an act that they like, is a signal that something is very wrong in the relationship.
The victim has a profound lack of respect for themselves, just as much as the abuser has a lack of respect for the victim. It's just simply not a game where people act in a certain manner, since they appear to like it. People in such relationships are irrational and identify patterns of behavior as normal that are not, and are not acceptable by the majority of those with healthy minds. When a victim gets out of a bad situation and gets the help that they desperately need, they no longer know how they could have lived that way, since they realize that they lost themselves. It's not an instant fix, since it's a process. The relationship did not get that bad overnight, and it won't be fixed on the same time frame, but it can and should be fixed since nobody deserves or wants abuse, contrary as to how it can appear as a casual observer.
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