Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Many moons ago, when I was young and my armor still shiny, I worked with a gal whom I was quite taken with. She , however , was with a guy , not worth the powder to blow him to hell, who beat her, berated her, and sucked her dry financially,. I tried to help her, all the while keeping my feelings for her quite secret. She was going to "save" him she was. He was a convict, on parole, for 2nd degree murder and into drugs in a big way. The situation was hopeless. Looking back I realize that having feelings for someone, based on being on a "rescue mission" is a sure fire road to heartache. Nothing good ever comes from some one staying in an abusive relationship, or from trying to get that abused person to see the light. They have to reach a decision on their own. Even after horribly violent episodes ( she hid out at my place a few times) she STILL went back. It hurt her, it hurt me, in hindsight I wonder what good I thought I was doing. I have shelved that suit of armor and let time finish rusting it.
You know, I don't think there is anything anyone can do. Forcing her away or trying to help her while she is still brainwashed will go nowhere. I guess just letting her know you are there and the door is open is all her relatives and friends can do. Nothing will change until she sees what is happening. It's a sad state of affairs.
My aunt is married to an ass who beats her....I have no pitty. She stays because it's "easier" she says...she doesn't have to work so if she left she would and she knows that so....no pitty from me.
If anyone ever laid a hand on me they'd regrett it hardcore and they'd never ever see me again.....teach people how to treat you and you won't ever have to deal with situations like that.
My aunt is married to an ass who beats her....I have no pitty. She stays because it's "easier" she says...she doesn't have to work so if she left she would and she knows that so....no pitty from me.
If anyone ever laid a hand on me they'd regrett it hardcore and they'd never ever see me again.....teach people how to treat you and you won't ever have to deal with situations like that.
If anyone ever laid a hand on me they'd regrett it hardcore and they'd never ever see me again.....teach people how to treat you and you won't ever have to deal with situations like that.
Boundaries is what it is all about. Some people don't have any and pay the price.
My first marriage was physically abusive and I have to say that if I had not been in a supportive situation with a place to turn to, I'm not sure what would have happened. I was young, broke, and I hated having to call my mom and ask her for money for a plane ticket back but I did and never turned around. There was a part of me that was sucked into believing that no one would ever love me and that I was not good enough to expect better, but the day I left, I knew that there was no turning back and I didn't. I took the sob to court and did what was necessary and while I never pressed charges on him, it was documented by the court system that he was abusive and I moved on. I moved on to better things and to the life that I should have had. If my current hubby ever got verbally abusive with me or physically, he would be left standing on his own.
My first marriage was physically abusive and I have to say that if I had not been in a supportive situation with a place to turn to, I'm not sure what would have happened. I was young, broke, and I hated having to call my mom and ask her for money for a plane ticket back but I did and never turned around. There was a part of me that was sucked into believing that no one would ever love me and that I was not good enough to expect better, but the day I left, I knew that there was no turning back and I didn't. I took the sob to court and did what was necessary and while I never pressed charges on him, it was documented by the court system that he was abusive and I moved on. I moved on to better things and to the life that I should have had. If my current hubby ever got verbally abusive with me or physically, he would be left standing on his own.
I am glad and proud of you that you made it out ok!
You know, I don't think there is anything anyone can do. Forcing her away or trying to help her while she is still brainwashed will go nowhere. I guess just letting her know you are there and the door is open is all her relatives and friends can do. Nothing will change until she sees what is happening. It's a sad state of affairs.
That's pretty much what they've decided but it also means never seeing the kids. Everyone figured it was just a phase or that eventually she would reach out to them in some way but it's gone on for so long. They send her letters now and then -- just to keep her informed, wish her a happy birthday, invitations to reunions, weddings but don't know how many are intercepted.
She may never see -- which is sad -- it's as though they've lost her.
My first marriage was physically abusive and I have to say that if I had not been in a supportive situation with a place to turn to, I'm not sure what would have happened. I was young, broke, and I hated having to call my mom and ask her for money for a plane ticket back but I did and never turned around. There was a part of me that was sucked into believing that no one would ever love me and that I was not good enough to expect better, but the day I left, I knew that there was no turning back and I didn't. I took the sob to court and did what was necessary and while I never pressed charges on him, it was documented by the court system that he was abusive and I moved on. I moved on to better things and to the life that I should have had. If my current hubby ever got verbally abusive with me or physically, he would be left standing on his own.
Wonderful!! I am so glad you made the healthy decision to leave and had support from your loved ones.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
. He was a convict, on parole, for 2nd degree murder and into drugs in a big way. The situation was hopeless. Looking back I realize that having feelings for someone, based on being on a "rescue mission" is a sure fire road to heartache. Nothing good ever comes from some one staying in an abusive relationship, or from trying to get that abused person to see the light. They have to reach a decision on their own. Even after horribly violent episodes ( she hid out at my place a few times) she STILL went back. It hurt her, it hurt me, in hindsight I wonder what good I thought I was doing. I have shelved that suit of armor and let time finish rusting it.
