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Yesterday I was at the mall witha group of friends (three girls and three guys, including me) and we saw a guy yelling at his woman outside Gap. He was going crazy, like he specifically wanted to humiliate her in front of everybody. She tried to walk away but he grabbed her and pulled her toward him and kept on with the tirade. She was a real cute Latina with curves in all the right places so I don't think she had any shortage of men wanting her. But the thing about it is that she seemed to like it: the puppy dog eyes, the pouty frown, and the shriveling stance somehow made her appear as a submissive who secretly likes this kind of behavior.
After the scene was over we got into a discussion, which quickly degenerated into a gender war argument. Basically, the women said he had no right to treat her like that and one of us should have stepped in. Me and the rest of the dudes didn't agree with that chick logic. I took the forefront and pointed out the following:
1. She basically seemed to enjoy that kind of treatment, so why interfere?
2. Women hold prominent roles in society nowadays. We recently nearly had a female president and then, after she dropped out, we recently had a female vice-president. There are many women in the military and in the police force. One of the security guards at the mall is a female. I also pointed out to the loudest chick how she was in kickboxing class and her instructor was a 5'2" skinny brunette who made a living teaching men over 6 feet how to defend themselves. Thus, with all the advances women have made there is no reason why women can't take care of themselves.
3. Two events in my life changed my outlook on the whole situation:
--a friend of mine was leaving a house party and noticed a guy pushing around his girl. my friend told the guy to bug off and led the girl away from him, then my friend left. he drove miles away to his apartment and when he got out of the car to go inside the guy drove up to him, pulled out his gun, and threateningly said, "if you ever get in my business again you'll regret it", and then he drove off.
--my brother was at a house party when he noticed a guy pushing around a girl. my brother pushed the dude away and tried to get the girl away from him but a second later --BAM!-- the dude cracked a chair over his back and had to be rushed to the hospital and get stitches.
Chivalry is dead. Let it stay that way. In today's modern society there is no reason why a woman can't take care of herself, unless she secretly wants to be abused. Does anyone agree with me?
Wow dude.
You are obviously an idiot. I quoted your exact words so I could let everyone know exactly how much of an idiot you are.
#1. We never had a woman president, or a woman vice president. They were running for office. 1 didn't get elected, the other dropped out.
#2. You are a troll looking to start trouble.
#3. Have you ever been repeatedly pushed around by anyone who you couldn't physically control? Don't you think if you were, you'd be scared to leave #1, and #2 do everything you could to subdue the situation and the aggressor? That's what women do, they are scared to leave, try to tell people what's going on but usually no one believes them or doesn't want to get involved, and they try to calm the abuser in various ways so it doesn't get worse.
#4. Your brother should be commended, and maybe he only stepped in because he was drunk and not thinking of being scared, but whatever he is still a hero!!!
#5. I bet if he went to that girl later and tried to get her to leave the dude, he would have succeeded.
#6. Women, nor anyone else likes to get treated like ****. Some people may be used to it, but they don't like it and would leave if they knew how to.
#7. You are a moron. I bet that girl at the mall, never let guys come near her, or even looked at other guys for fear that her stellar boyfriend would kick her ass, so she probably never knew how cute she really is and how many other dudes she could get.
Umm . . . Visit the husband late at night en masse, wearing masks. . . . . I did not suggest that. Nope it was someone else.
In that case I can see a physical confrontation -- the police will not help, there's no physical evidence of abuse. The woman will not leave her husband on her own accord. She hasn't left him in 20 years and no one could believe she would go that long without contact with her family.
They know that it's emotional abuse that has chained her but they have not been able to do anything about it.
Physical assault will not solve anything. Stepping in to physically confront the man will only provoke things.
It's fine to step in and offer to pay for counseling, even offer to call the woman's family members, and call the police.
If physically keeping the abuser away from the victim during an altercation, it helps!
Why are you so afraid of helping someone? Perhaps this is what the person in your family has needed to help her out but no one has been willing to step in.
Umm . . . Visit the husband late at night en masse, wearing masks. . . . . I did not suggest that. Nope it was someone else.
They considered that - but from all her reactions when they've seen her, called her, they believe she would only find a way to return to him.
Once she came to visit her mother in the hospital (alone) and the family believed that things would begin to be fine but it was just that one time and never again. Since this woman has a vehicle and can come and go as she pleases at least to some extent because they see her going to the store, the family feels helpless. She doesn't work outside the home, her husband doesn't want her to do that but she has relative freedom.
Imagine living in the same town and never being allowed to talk to your own grandchildren (nieces and nephews). The cousins have never been together, allowed to know each other.
If physically keeping the abuser away from the victim during an altercation, it helps!
Why are you so afraid of helping someone? Perhaps this is what the person in your family has needed to help her out but no one has been willing to step in.
Nope. I said call 9-11 but a 5 minute jumping in and physically assaulting someone yelling at a girlfriend is not my way to solve a problem.
It will take years for this woman to resolve the issues that are keeping her in an abusive relationship. A 5 minute encounter in the mall doesn't solve a thing.
Now if he were beating her to a pulp versus yelling -- shooting him would solve the problem.
Yesterday I was at the mall witha group of friends (three girls and three guys, including me) and we saw a guy yelling at his woman outside Gap. He was going crazy, like he specifically wanted to humiliate her in front of everybody. She tried to walk away but he grabbed her and pulled her toward him and kept on with the tirade. She was a real cute Latina with curves in all the right places so I don't think she had any shortage of men wanting her. But the thing about it is that she seemed to like it: the puppy dog eyes, the pouty frown, and the shriveling stance somehow made her appear as a submissive who secretly likes this kind of behavior.
After the scene was over we got into a discussion, which quickly degenerated into a gender war argument. Basically, the women said he had no right to treat her like that and one of us should have stepped in. Me and the rest of the dudes didn't agree with that chick logic. I took the forefront and pointed out the following:
1. She basically seemed to enjoy that kind of treatment, so why interfere?
2. Women hold prominent roles in society nowadays. We recently nearly had a female president and then, after she dropped out, we recently had a female vice-president. There are many women in the military and in the police force. One of the security guards at the mall is a female. I also pointed out to the loudest chick how she was in kickboxing class and her instructor was a 5'2" skinny brunette who made a living teaching men over 6 feet how to defend themselves. Thus, with all the advances women have made there is no reason why women can't take care of themselves.
3. Two events in my life changed my outlook on the whole situation:
--a friend of mine was leaving a house party and noticed a guy pushing around his girl. my friend told the guy to bug off and led the girl away from him, then my friend left. he drove miles away to his apartment and when he got out of the car to go inside the guy drove up to him, pulled out his gun, and threateningly said, "if you ever get in my business again you'll regret it", and then he drove off.
--my brother was at a house party when he noticed a guy pushing around a girl. my brother pushed the dude away and tried to get the girl away from him but a second later --BAM!-- the dude cracked a chair over his back and had to be rushed to the hospital and get stitches.
Chivalry is dead. Let it stay that way. In today's modern society there is no reason why a woman can't take care of herself, unless she secretly wants to be abused. Does anyone agree with me?
Nope! I disagree with you..It's guys like you that give men a bad name..Do you honestly think she was enjoying it or were you AFRAID to step in?..Or maybe you yourself was enjoying it..After all you did seem to notice all her "curves" while this was taking place..Have a good day!
This thread is pitiful and I am so disappointed in so many here...
Our deeds determine us, as much as we determine our deeds. ~George Eliot
Help someone who cannot return the favor ~ author unknown
People never forget that helping hand especially when times are tough ~ Catherine
Pulsifer
It is the greatest of all mistakes to do nothing because you can only do a little- do
what you can ~ Sydney Smith
I expect to pass through this life but once, there be any kindness I can show, or any good thing I can do to any fellow being, let me do it now, and not defer or neglect it, as I shall not pass this way again ~ William Penn
Location: Wandering the halls aimlessly...Hello? Is anyone there?
307 posts, read 455,518 times
Reputation: 129
I've done it
Quote:
Originally Posted by malamute
I wonder how many men eager to jump in and beat up a man who is yelling at his lover would do so if the yelling guy is a foot taller and a hundred pounds heavier?
Are most heros more inclined to fist fight a smaller man yelling at a woman or a much bigger man yelling at a woman?
I've done it....the bigger guys tend to tire easier...for the record. The smaller thinner guys tend to be more of a hassle. Size doesnt mean crap. Whats right and whats wrong does. Get that through your head. Its not about bravado, machismo, or anything else. You step in because its the RIGHT thing to do period.
If your AFRAID, at the very least call someone who can help the woman. Sheesh whats so hard about looking out for those who are being victimized?
If I had waited to call 911 (or rather, the Icelandic and Mexican equivalents) in both of my cases, the women probably would have ended up dead. Hell, because of the physical inaction of the people around her, one of the women almost DID end up dead except for the luck of a car stopping in time.
Intervening doesn't always mean physically. If you're in a public place- USE YOUR VOICE. If you're in a mall, yell and scream and make sure EVERYONE is watching the abuse. You don't even necessarily have to be close to the people. They can't punch you from 10 feet away! In times that I've seen this done before, it often stops the guy in his tracks. Asking his name also often stops him. Draw as much attention to him as possible.
There is rarely time to call 911 without any other course of action if you're in public. Get a friend or another bypasser to call 911 by SCREAMING to get the police. And you should know when to physically step in. For instance- the man in Mexico on the street who was screaming at a woman and then held her backwards out over the street with her heels off the curb. There was a good 20 seconds there that SOMEONE should have stepped in and grabbed her. Instead, people just watched and the man let go, having her fall in front of a speeding car. It is completely unacceptable that something like that should ever happen. And it's not even a cultural thing! There were Mexicans watching along with American and Europeans. Ridiculous.
Many years ago, I lived next door to an elderly woman whose son beat her up regularly. When I first moved there, I called the police. The police were very familiar with them. They told me that it had been going on for years.
Another time, I watched as someone got beat up with the butt of a rifle that he'd pulled on someone trying to defend a woman.... Luckily the gun didn't go off and no one got killed. The rifle was ruined and the guy who pulled the gun needed stitches in his head, though.
There was another time that I tried to "help" an abused woman who had 3 little children. She was offered a way out but chose to go back to her husband the next day.
I've seen what an abuser can do to a woman for "embarrassing" them... by trying to get help.
There may be cases when you should get involved but the intelligent thing to do is to call for help. This is not an area for citizen involvement.
It can make matters worse for the woman.
You could become the abusers next target "to get even with"....
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I've done it
