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What's that book "He's just not that into you"? I think they are making a movie about it as well with Jen Anniston.
That is one question I hear many women ask is "Why wont he marry me?". In most cases it's not that we don't want to get married, it's just we don't want to get married to YOU.
A lot of times women search for complex answers when the answer is quite simple.
That is one question I hear many women ask is "Why wont he marry me?". In most cases it's not that we don't want to get married, it's just we don't want to get married to YOU.
That brings the question then why do men spend years playing house with a woman they have no intentions of marrying?
If somebody wants to get married, I don't believe shacking up is the best path to the altar.
For some it works. I saw how my parents were obviously in love with each other, but could not live with one another. This lead to their divorce. They had different ideals on how to run the household; complete polar opposites. Not to mention that both were extremely stubborn and hard-headed. I decided to try something different. Lang and I got engaged and moved in together. The agreement was that if we could live together for a year without killing one another, we would get married. A year and 2 weeks after moving in together, we got married.
But everybody does have different views on the matter. While it worked in our situation, it may not work in every situation. Both of us were dating long enough to realize that we did want to spend the rest of our lives together - the "shacking up" part was merely to see if we were just as compatible as we hoped. We discussed marriage before moving in.
If he had said "no marriage", then we would still be in different households.
For some it works. I saw how my parents were obviously in love with each other, but could not live with one another. This lead to their divorce. They had different ideals on how to run the household; complete polar opposites. Not to mention that both were extremely stubborn and hard-headed. I decided to try something different. Lang and I got engaged and moved in together. The agreement was that if we could live together for a year without killing one another, we would get married. A year and 2 weeks after moving in together, we got married.
But everybody does have different views on the matter. While it worked in our situation, it may not work in every situation. Both of us were dating long enough to realize that we did want to spend the rest of our lives together - the "shacking up" part was merely to see if we were just as compatible as we hoped. We discussed marriage before moving in.
If he had said "no marriage", then we would still be in different households.
If somebody wants to get married, I don't believe shacking up is the best path to the altar.
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Originally Posted by WindblownHair
Exactly. Why buy the cow when the milk is free?
I don't think that shacking up or not shacking up makes any difference in whether or not the woman gets the ring. If you don't shack up and still have dates with sex, he still is under no pressure to get married. And these days, dating and not having sex before marriage is archaic and most men and women don't put up with that, plus it makes the couple rush to the altar too soon imo. All the couples I know that shacked up, ended up getting married. Some of the marriages seemed triggered by the guys turning 30, but I think that overall, them living together proved to both within the relationship that they were compatible in being able to share a living space, and less about getting sex on a regular basis.
Getting the marriage proposal is more a matter of meeting the right kind of person to be with, one that shares your life goals and values. So it's more important to date a guy that wants kids, has the same spiritual values, comes from a family of happily married couples and families, is on a career path where he can support a wife and kids AND you have to fit his idea of what he wants in a wife. If you're not wife material for him, he's not going to marry you. Sometimes this means proving that you're not a high maintenance woman, able to stick with a budget and that you can think logically. Men get scared off from marrying a woman that they think is emotionally unstable or shrewish. Men would also want to marry a woman that enjoys sex and who will continue to put out regularly after decades of marriage. And she needs to have certain qualities so that his friends are jealous that he's the one that got her. Above all, she has to prove trustworthy and that she only has eyes for him.
That brings the question then why do men spend years playing house with a woman they have no intentions of marrying?
Well, now that you asked that question... here we go:
Those men that I asked this question (about why still live w/ GF if not thinking about marriage nor wanting to get married at all), they all say that they spend those years playing house with "Ms. Right Now" (and enjoy getting the benefits of having a wife w/o committing to her) while they are waiting for the "Ms. Right".
Quote:
Men are basically big babies with a 5 o'clock shadow. They like to be fed, have their laundry taken care of, have their housework done and have a sex partner at their disposal any time they want it. That's why men want to get married. Women don't need all that stuff - we already do all the chores and cleaning anyway. We don't need a man to babysit.
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Originally Posted by 2mares
They can be nice to have around when you need somthing heavy moved.
I'm also good at getting things off the top shelf and removing the lids on pickle jars.
Well, now that you asked that question... here we go:
Those men that I asked this question (about why still live w/ GF if not thinking about marriage nor wanting to get married at all), they all say that they spend those years playing house with "Ms. Right Now" (and enjoy getting the benefits of having a wife w/o committing to her) while they are waiting for the "Ms. Right".
Yep, that's what I heard!
I agree completely. Those guys who cannot get it together enough to either rent their own place or share with others, will often find a woman to share the cost with and "allow" her to run his life for him - with benefits. (Occasionally this is a good deal for the woman if his parents loan him their second home - but this is rare.)
Many women think that this demonstrates that he is "mature" when the fact is he cannot go it alone and is usually so irresponsible that even other men don't want him around!
Of course, it is mandatory to be a good looking guy to do this. Those who don't meet this test, usually live in their parent's basement (or garage), if not on the street.
I'm also good at getting things off the top shelf and removing the lids on pickle jars.
How about the rest of your handyman skills? Hanging curtains, art & pictures, painting, standing on tall ladders, fixing stuff...? Reaching high places is at the top of my list of priorities! Good thing I know how to disable the damn smoke alarm when some day the battery goes out... Or are they even on batteries these days...? Not sure. What I'm positive about is that there's no way in hell I can reach the ceiling!
Heck, that's what I should ask on potential dates! Everybody can whispers sweet nothings...
How about the rest of your handyman skills? Hanging curtains, art & pictures, painting, standing on tall ladders, fixing stuff...? Reaching high places is at the top of my list of priorities! Good thing I know how to disable the damn smoke alarm when some day the battery goes out... Or are they even on batteries these days...? Not sure. What I'm positive about is that there's no way in hell I can reach the ceiling!
Heck, that's what I should ask on potential dates! Everybody can whispers sweet nothings...
Yep, Yep, Yep, Yep, Yep, Yep,
I can spread my hand flat on the ceiling but from what you've written, you might need to get off on licking my navel in the missionary position. All men have their down sides.
Does that pass the Good Housekeeping seal of good taste?
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Good thing I know how to disable the damn smoke alarm when some day the battery goes out... Or are they even on batteries these days...? Not sure. What I'm positive about is that there's no way in hell I can reach the ceiling!
