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It's a bit tougher, because most guys like dating women younger than them, like you said. Plus, a lot of guys who are older than me don't appeal to me physically, with the exception of only a small handful I've met over the past few years. Most guys older than me I've met have let themselves go, or are in the process of doing so, so lots of times I find myself drawn to younger men. However, most younger guys aren't too interested in dating someone their senior...or at least according to my experiences.
You shouldn't have any trouble finding a guy around your age that meets a lot of your criteria, but the maturity to be a good father etc. can be a stumbling point if you go for the younger guys in particular. Sounds like you might have high standards? (not a bad thing)
I've heard your complaints about older guys letting themselves go from several women. It's probably one reason I'm probably attracted to women around my age because I don't want some younger hottie dating me for the wrong reasons or getting sick of me if I don't age as well as her.
I agree, I don't like it when people say that too. I've met guys who on paper sounded great but just weren't nice in person. Don't want to a life with someone who I don't like, don't respect, etc. And I would be settling if I were to agree to a relationship with someone with which I have no chemistry and there was no passion. I'm not looking for a 10 or the perfect guy; I'm fine with the average guy, just has to be some spark between us.
The bottom line is that you should find someone that makes you happy and vice-versa so there is no such thing as settling from that standpoint.
The only time there is an issue is if the person (generally unknown to themselves) is using certain criteria to avoid relationships or is just unreasonable. This might not even be a bad thing.
I have a friend or two like this and also had a date that I suspect used "settling" and stringent criteria to avoid relationships.
It's the beauty of life, make and live with our decisions. Best of luck, I think you will do great.
I do find it to be a little more difficult as a woman trying to date after 30. I haven't been married or had children yet so it sort of cuts out all the divorced men with children! I would love to meet someone who is in their 30's who has put his career first! The trouble I seem to be having it that those men do seem to want 20 somethings because it is the nature of the personality type that I'm attracted to to need someone a little weaker to take care of. I understand why guys wouldn't want to date women with children. It's not that they aren't the same people with the same interests but I have noticed that women my age who have children are living a completely different life than I am. I feel like they are grown-ups and even though I have a great career and am highly educated, I still feel like a kid myself simply because I don't have "big-girl" responsibilities! There is a little bit of a double standard where age is concerned. Much older men ask me out all the time. They actually get upset with me when I tell them "no thank you" as though I am hurting them personally. It isn't like that. I just would like to meet someone my age or a couple years younger to get to know and hopefully start a family one day. If they already have grown children, I wouldn't want to have more children with them. It's unfair! I definitely think that men are wonderful and enjoy their company a lot. After you're a certain age, you are just as fine with someone as you are without and you often hear "I won't settle." That's absolutely right! No one should ever settle because the second you do, the right person will walk in your door. But...by the same token, you can't constantly turn down great people out of fear that you might get hurt or something better might come along! We should probably be careful about setting our standards so high that they are out of reach! It is a common trait among women my age who have made it their protective mechanism and part of their act that they "just can't meet anyone!" - Me included! It takes a thick skin to keep going out there and trying...and remember that if only one is going to work, there will have to be others who won't! As long as you are self aware enough to not walk away from a great person when you see him/her, you will always be okay!
Am I gonna attract 30 and 40 year olds? No, but then, I don't want to.
I'm curious, why not? Do you consider even 40 to be too young? If so, why?
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Originally Posted by Whyte Byrd
I hear ya. I think it's mostly 20ish people who always bring this up because they can't imagine our lives are anything but over once we hit 30, 40, 50. Kids today!
LOL...so true.
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Originally Posted by pluto1
Some of my friends in their late 30s have been using online dating lately. To their surprise, they have been getting lot of responses from men on there. It is said that smart and rich men nowadays go for online dating, and look for something serious, preferably in their own age group, which might be over 35 - 40.
I can attest to that.
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Originally Posted by shania
I think being over 40, single, childless, and female sometimes makes other people suspicious or judgmental about you.
True, just being 40ish and never married (kids or no kids) is like a uge red flag.
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Originally Posted by DennyCrane
Personally, I'd rather spend the rest of my life alone than end up with the wrong person.
Amen.
I think, in any age bracket, it depends on you. I come from a background that was not conducive to conventional or positive thinking, success or "marketable" by most standards. But I never had a problem attracting quality men. My choices in men, however, were a totally different story . Now, at 40, I still attract quality men, but what limits me is my need for freedom and space; not my age. I find it hard to believe that it is really that difficult for women my age to date, unless they make it hard themselves. I have friends like that; beautiful, sweet women with huge hearts, but every little thing is a Greek tragedy or they fall too hard/too fast, they have hang-ups about their age or their weight - they sabotage their opportunities.
I do find it to be a little more difficult as a woman trying to date after 30. I haven't been married or had children yet so it sort of cuts out all the divorced men with children! I would love to meet someone who is in their 30's who has put his career first!
As long as you are self aware enough to not walk away from a great person when you see him/her, you will always be okay!
Still don't really get that one, or the mentality that you can't have a career and try to seriously date or even look.
The around 30 mark is what I tend to seek first, since I'm hitting 36 in month. No kids, expect the same which is far more a chore than the other way around. While it's not happened and I've not found the right meshing woman, I just don't get the mentality of putting something like that on hold, or expecting the other to have put their career first then shifting gears as it were to focus on family at X time. I just simply don't follow the logic.
I do find it to be a little more difficult as a woman trying to date after 30. I haven't been married or had children yet so it sort of cuts out all the divorced men with children! I would love to meet someone who is in their 30's who has put his career first! The trouble I seem to be having it that those men do seem to want 20 somethings because it is the nature of the personality type that I'm attracted to to need someone a little weaker to take care of. I understand why guys wouldn't want to date women with children. It's not that they aren't the same people with the same interests but I have noticed that women my age who have children are living a completely different life than I am. I feel like they are grown-ups and even though I have a great career and am highly educated, I still feel like a kid myself simply because I don't have "big-girl" responsibilities! There is a little bit of a double standard where age is concerned. Much older men ask me out all the time. They actually get upset with me when I tell them "no thank you" as though I am hurting them personally. It isn't like that. I just would like to meet someone my age or a couple years younger to get to know and hopefully start a family one day. If they already have grown children, I wouldn't want to have more children with them. It's unfair! I definitely think that men are wonderful and enjoy their company a lot. After you're a certain age, you are just as fine with someone as you are without and you often hear "I won't settle." That's absolutely right! No one should ever settle because the second you do, the right person will walk in your door. But...by the same token, you can't constantly turn down great people out of fear that you might get hurt or something better might come along! We should probably be careful about setting our standards so high that they are out of reach! It is a common trait among women my age who have made it their protective mechanism and part of their act that they "just can't meet anyone!" - Me included! It takes a thick skin to keep going out there and trying...and remember that if only one is going to work, there will have to be others who won't! As long as you are self aware enough to not walk away from a great person when you see him/her, you will always be okay!
The men in their 30s who put their careers first aren't necessarily looking for someone weaker. The reason they're going after the 20somethings is because they don't want to feel like they settled. They spend the better part of their 20s in school, then working long hours trying to establish their careers and pay off debts. When they're finally ready to meet someone, get married and start a family, they discover a dating pool full of women over 30, many of whom have kids. To these men, such women are the leftovers. No one wants to feel like they settled or be accused of it. I'm in my 30s and I've dated women with kids. Because of that, I've been accused of lowering my standards. But I know many men and women in my age group who are so afraid of feeling like they lowered their standards that they end up setting them too high. They'll meet someone great, but tell themselves that they're might be someone even better out there. I used to do that. That's one reason I became more open to the idea of dating a single mother. It's not about lowering your standards, but about not wanting to look back with regret at a missed opportunity. Sometimes, the people you pass up end up being better than you realized and by the time you do, it's too late.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Waynec613
Still don't really get that one, or the mentality that you can't have a career and try to seriously date or even look.
The around 30 mark is what I tend to seek first, since I'm hitting 36 in month. No kids, expect the same which is far more a chore than the other way around. While it's not happened and I've not found the right meshing woman, I just don't get the mentality of putting something like that on hold, or expecting the other to have put their career first then shifting gears as it were to focus on family at X time. I just simply don't follow the logic.
The logic is that if you're focused on your career, everything else gets shortchanged. Imagine you're a doctor who's doing his residency or you're a consultant who's traveling from client to client. You won't have the time or energy to sustain any serious relationship. At best, you'll have time to go on dates.
The logic is that if you're focused on your career, everything else gets shortchanged. Imagine you're a doctor who's doing his residency or you're a consultant who's traveling from client to client. You won't have the time or energy to sustain any serious relationship. At best, you'll have time to go on dates.
In most cases, you make time for those you believe are worth your time. The residency example I could see perhaps, not many others. If they're aware of the situation most are willing to make concessions.
In most cases, you make time for those you believe are worth your time. The residency example I could see perhaps, not many others. If they're aware of the situation most are willing to make concessions.
I agree that you make time for the things or people that are worth your time. But you make it sound like it's easy to make concessions. I know many people in all kinds of professions who had to work like dogs both during school and afterward. Their fields don't give them the option to cut back on their hours or set their own schedules. It was an all-or-nothing type deal. You either put up with workload or find another line of work. There are numerous examples. The doctor who works 100 hour per week and gets one night off per month. The lawyer who puts in 14 hour days and still has to work weekends. Both of these people spend what little free time they have studying. The IT consultant who's on the road all the time. Even if they didn't work ungodly hours, they'd literally come home exhausted. You can make the time, but if you don't have the energy, then what's the point?
You can make the time, but if you don't have the energy, then what's the point?
I just don't see as many examples as you believe there to be, Doctor's early in training/career, yes. Passing someone over that you truly feel something for because it's not convenient at the time sounds more as a rationale than a true reason to me.
Believing most can have that mindset for that long and just switch-up the gears to be Mr./Mrs. family oriented seems a bit odd as well, IMO.
Women and men change for many reasons, one is , I will tell you later . I do not want to Bash a gender. But I will bash those who know and do not tell , or considerer it to much trouble. Money could be the motive....Water is free and so it talking and exercise......we must do these things all our lives. What are we talking about here, sex and how men and women change but differently....and there is very little said or understood about it. It affects every everything.
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