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What if your spouse wants sex? If denying him sex every once in a while, fine, no harm no foul; however, if you deny him sex over a prolonged period of time I guarantee you are hurting him. Why are your wants and desires more important than his?
So if you decide without his consent to become celibate he should be okay with that? You are BEGGING for him to cheat. If you don't want to EVER have sex with him, get a divorce. I have a feeling you are denying your husband sex to make him leave you. Any woman who denies her husband DESERVES for him to cheat on her.
The problem is you have to look at where the least harm is done. Having sex with someone who doesn't want it is rape. Even if coerced. Unwanted sex is a violation of the person. Denial of sex is not. If there's something wrong and your spouse doesn't want sex, then you need to help your spouse figure out what's wrong.
I don't get this attitude. If a spouse were physically ill and could not respond sexually, no one would bat an eye about their SO being expected to stand by them but if whatever is wrong results in their spouse not being interested in sex, it's grounds to cheat? No. Psychological issues are just as real as physical illnesses. You married your spouse for better or for worse, you help them work through it.
Sex is not a necessity. Not having your body violated is. You take the past of least harm and that is doing without while your spouse works through their issues.
It's frustrating to want sex and not get it but that's all it is, frustrating. My husband often doesn't want sex when I do. I'm not sure why but he has to work through his issues. I can't force it.
Location: Partisanship Is An Intellectual/Emotional Handicap
1,851 posts, read 2,154,368 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nebulous1
Yeah, but how come so many married guys are out there looking for sex? Why are they even married?
Probably because the sex life is great before they get married, some women use sex as a weapon and play the manipulation/control card.
And don't act like it's all men. There are plenty of maried women who go seeking it and cheat.
Fact of life.....
Whether you're male or female...... if you're denying your spouse sex for long periods of time and/or playing control games by using sex as the weapon of ransom; your spouse will start looking for sex some where else.
If you don't want to have sex with your spouse and you claim to love them and care about them; then, you should encourage your spouse to find a lover on the side and give them your blessing.
While I can certainly understand someone not being in the mood occasionally or having a week or two stretch of no interst in sex (for what ever reason); no rational, fair-minded woman who cares about her husband can expect him to go indefinitely without sex.
Either find a way to get into it and satisfy your spouse, or get off the pot and consent he finds a lover on the side.
Playing that game with husbands and expecting your man to go without sex indefinitely.....is emotional/ psychological abuse and torture.
Location: Partisanship Is An Intellectual/Emotional Handicap
1,851 posts, read 2,154,368 times
Reputation: 1082
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ivorytickler
That's a good question. Perhaps they shouldn't be.
Why stay married if you're, actively, looking for something else? If your wife doesn't do it for you, get a divorce before you start window shopping.
Yeah right.
With the way divorce laws are in most states, the husband gets majorly screwed. And women more often than not get their lawyers to go for the throat and financially destroy him.
Because you know, these type of women "love" and "care" about their husbands. They hold their husbands hostage and deny them sex for extensive periods of time. Then they are shocked when they cheat. Yeah, quite shocked, they are
this is the secound time ive caught him, i dont know what to do, i want to do the right thing, should i work with him, im hurt and upset, we are married with one kid and one on theway. should i leave him but what would i do?
Location: Partisanship Is An Intellectual/Emotional Handicap
1,851 posts, read 2,154,368 times
Reputation: 1082
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ivorytickler
The problem is you have to look at where the least harm is done. Having sex with someone who doesn't want it is rape. Even if coerced. Unwanted sex is a violation of the person. Denial of sex is not. If there's something wrong and your spouse doesn't want sex, then you need to help your spouse figure out what's wrong.
I don't get this attitude. If a spouse were physically ill and could not respond sexually, no one would bat an eye about their SO being expected to stand by them but if whatever is wrong results in their spouse not being interested in sex, it's grounds to cheat? No. Psychological issues are just as real as physical illnesses. You married your spouse for better or for worse, you help them work through it.
Sex is not a necessity. Not having your body violated is. You take the past of least harm and that is doing without while your spouse works through their issues.
It's frustrating to want sex and not get it but that's all it is, frustrating. My husband often doesn't want sex when I do. I'm not sure why but he has to work through his issues. I can't force it.
You're seriously delusional.
Consent your husband to seek a lover on the side. Stop the emotional/ psychological abuse and torture.
It's frustrating to want sex and not get it but that's all it is, frustrating. My husband often doesn't want sex when I do. I'm not sure why but he has to work through his issues. I can't force it.
Or maybe he's just turning the tables on you and letting you know how it feels to be denied one of the greatest pleasures of marriage.... being intimate with one another.
You say that sex isn't a necessity... I disagree. For any married couple still physically able to have sex, being together sexually is a necessity for maintaining a healthy and happy relationship. Being with your spouse sexually is another form of communication.
Sex is not just about being together physically, but also emotionally, giving of yourselves to each other and reaffirming your bond and commitment to one another.
When a spouse or couple start withdrawing within themselves and communication starts breaking down on both a verbal and an intimate level, the marriage then begins heading down a path to destruction when one or both partners are forced to start looking elsewhere to get their physical and emotional needs met.... whether that be through watching porn, self pleasure, or looking for affection outside the marriage.
Or maybe he's just turning the tables on you and letting you know how it feels to be denied one of the greatest pleasures of marriage.... being intimate with one another.
You say that sex isn't a necessity... I disagree. For any married couple still physically able to have sex, being together sexually is a necessity for maintaining a healthy and happy relationship. Being with your spouse sexually is another form of communication.
Sex is not just about being together physically, but also emotionally, giving of yourselves to each other and reaffirming your bond and commitment to one another.
When a spouse or couple start withdrawing within themselves and communication starts breaking down on both a verbal and an intimate level, the marriage then begins heading down a path to destruction when one or both partners are forced to start looking elsewhere to get their physical and emotional needs met.... whether that be through watching porn, self pleasure, or looking for affection outside the marriage.
Excellent point Starglow, but did the OP say she was with holding sex, or were you responding to IvoryTickler? Nevertheless, your reply is right on.
You say that sex isn't a necessity... I disagree. For any married couple still physically able to have sex, being together sexually is a necessity for maintaining a healthy and happy relationship. Being with your spouse sexually is another form of communication.
Sex is not just about being together physically, but also emotionally, giving of yourselves to each other and reaffirming your bond and commitment to one another.
When a spouse or couple start withdrawing within themselves and communication starts breaking down on both a verbal and an intimate level, the marriage then begins heading down a path to destruction when one or both partners are forced to start looking elsewhere to get their physical and emotional needs met.... whether that be through watching porn, self pleasure, or looking for affection outside the marriage.
I was a very innocent bride. So I basically didn't know much beyond what my husband told/taught me. He was also a fan of porn, but that was before the INTERNET so he was confined to penthouse and playboy. I even bought him a playboy key for his birthday and we visited the clubs with friends. 3 years after we were married I went to work for a publishing company. What I didn't know was that they distributed xxadult magazines, books and toys. The first day I worked there, the boss received a new shipment in the toy room and took a blow up doll and walked around the office introducing it to everyone as his sister. As my sense of humor is much larger than my "female sensibilities" so I thought it was damn funny. My first task was to take inventory in the "toy" room and I was amazed by things I never knew existed.
So, we were allowed to have copies of any of the magazines, etc that we distributed to take home.
I started taking them home to share them with my husband and ask questions. He was horrified! He was especially horrified when his bible thumping southern mother came to visit us and when she opened the coat closed where we hid them they all came tumbling out on her head. OOPS
That was the end of any kind of porn in our home. I am sure he probably had his stash somewhere, but he just couldn't deal with the fact that I may enjoy it too.
If the OP and her husband are not comfortable indulging in sex of any kind during the pregnancy, she should be glad that he is pursuing porn as a release and not some other real woman. Count your blessings
Probably because the sex life is great before they get married, some women use sex as a weapon and play the manipulation/control card.
And don't act like it's all men. There are plenty of maried women who go seeking it and cheat.
Fact of life.....
Whether you're male or female...... if you're denying your spouse sex for long periods of time and/or playing control games by using sex as the weapon of ransom; your spouse will start looking for sex some where else.
If you don't want to have sex with your spouse and you claim to love them and care about them; then, you should encourage your spouse to find a lover on the side and give them your blessing.
While I can certainly understand someone not being in the mood occasionally or having a week or two stretch of no interst in sex (for what ever reason); no rational, fair-minded woman who cares about her husband can expect him to go indefinitely without sex.
Either find a way to get into it and satisfy your spouse, or get off the pot and consent he finds a lover on the side.
Playing that game with husbands and expecting your man to go without sex indefinitely.....is emotional/ psychological abuse and torture.
I am single, so I don't have any of that drama. You need to read my prior posts.
I think it is all so simple, and I don't get why people have to make it so complicated.
But maybe that is why I don't have anyone, because I won't get all complicated and play games.
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