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That's a good question. Perhaps they shouldn't be.
Why stay married if you're, actively, looking for something else? If your wife doesn't do it for you, get a divorce before you start window shopping.
How the hell does looking at porn mean you want to leave your spouse? It just means your horny and want to wack off. You are taking things to the nth degree
How the hell does looking at porn mean you want to leave your spouse? It just means your horny and want to wack off. You are taking things to the nth degree
It means you're not satisfied with what you have and are looking for something else. If you're to that point, move on before someone gets hurt.
If you're horny, why not go chase your spouse? Of course if you did that, your spouse would be what you wanted. If the women in your porn are what you want, then I guess you don't want her.
Last edited by Ivorytickler; 05-22-2009 at 06:37 PM..
To that point? Last time I checked its natural to masterbate
Just because it's natural doesn't mean it's a good thing. When done to avoid your partner, it harms a relationship. However, the discussion here is about porn. About needing to see other females to get it off. About your wife, obviously, not being enough or possibly even desirable to you. After all, if she were, you wouldn't need porn, now would you?
When you're no longer into your wife and using other women to get worked up so you can masterbate, yeah, it's a problem. Pretty much spells the end of the marriage.
Just because it's natural doesn't mean it's a good thing. When done to avoid your partner, it harms a relationship. However, the discussion here is about porn. About needing to see other females to get it off. About your wife, obviously, not being enough or possibly even desirable to you. After all, if she were, you wouldn't need porn, now would you?
When you're no longer into your wife and using other women to get worked up so you can masterbate, yeah, it's a problem. Pretty much spells the end of the marriage.
I agree when its done to avoid or because you no longer want to be with the wife then its a problem but that's not always the case. We are visual, we like to fantasize does not mean we love our spouse any less.
It means you're not satisfied with what you have and are looking for something else. If you're to that point, move on before someone gets hurt.
If you're horny, why not go chase your spouse? Of course if you did that, your spouse would be what you wanted. If the women in your porn are what you want, then I guess you don't want her.
That's too black and white. If a guy is curious about some other things, and he might be wanting to do them with YOU, it doesn't mean he wants someone else. Guys fantasize about doing Angelina Jolie. Some guys actually do leave their wives for bimbos, but most guys are fantasizing and are curious about other types of sex.
I am sure there are many guys who love their wives, but want other things. Now, it's far different if they go and do it with someone. But reading, looking, exploring online, is a way for them to get curious. If you tell your husband, no, you can't even think about anything but what I give you, you are stifling him.
Let's say he decides he is into spanking. What if you don't want to do that? So he goes and looks at spanking sites and gets himself off. You'd leave him for that? It's not bestiality he is looking at, it's spanking.
I am telling you, so you know, there aren't many good single men out there. There are a lot of jerks. I had one with an ad online recently, who sent me a little blurry picture and said he had nothing to hide (sic). Then he said I didn't trust him. Why SHOULD I trust someone I don't know? The guy was creepy. Things won't go beyond this point, believe me, but I am telling you what is out there. You have a normal guy. I am a woman, and I am telling you that you have a normal man.
I'm sorry, Ivory, but you are being hypocritical. It is you who is applying a double standard. As I remember from the "infidelity" thread, you believe it's perfectly okay for a wife to stop having sex with her husband indefinitely, because, supposedly sex isn't that important (or rather, it's not important to you, so you believe it shouldn't be important to your husband, either). So obviously, in that respect, you believe the person who doesn't want to have sex (ever) DOES have a license to hurt her partner. I also recall you believe in the necessity of bringing children into spouses' sexual squabbles -- a policy whose only possible goal, and a certain outcome, is to hurt one's partner. You also hurt your spouse by spying on him and going through his personal things -- which is precisely how people get caught watching porn, supposedly by accident. And you also hurt your partner by telling him that his innate and perfectly natural sexual urges are wrong, dirty, or unfair to you; and dictating to him what he should or should not be aroused by (or rather, in your case, that he should not be aroused at all). Short of actual physical abuse, this is the epitome of marital cruelty, and you apparently believe it's not only permissible, but in fact the only right thing to do. It's clear, you believe some married people have the license to hurt their partners -- it's just that, you justify some motivations for hurting one's partner over others.
Okay I changed my mind. Don't deal with the fact that men look at porn and that it doesn't mean they don't love or desire their wives or girlfriends.
March your prudish little arse directly down to the courthouse and file for divorce. Then find yourself a man that is so uptight and repressed that he'll only have sex with you for procreation purposes.
Let your wonderfully horny husband go free and find a real woman who understands men and can give him what he needs, and who isn't so repressed and inhibited by a man's natural urges.
That's about what you deserve. I feel damned sorry for your husband.
Hypocritical??? Try again. I think it's wrong for a person to feel coerced into sex they don't want. It is wrong for a person to feel obligated to peform. Porn is something totally different. It's venturing outside of the bounds of the marriage.
If there are psychological reasons one spouse is unable to have sex, then those need to be dealt with. Porn devalues women. Dealing with issues (remember the for better or for worse part?) that interfere with sexuality is another issue alltogether. Porn is self indulgence and it objectifies women. Doint without sex doesn't kill us. Doing without porn doesn't either. Someone who is hurting and doesn't want to perform sexually will be hurt if sex is demanded anyway. You don't hurt your partner.
What I believe is that you don't hurt your partner. If there are reasons why one spouse isn't up to having sex, you don't hurt them by demanding it. You also don't hurt them by turning to porn or affairs. Part of for better or for worse is working through these issues. If a partner isn't up to having sex with you, you should be trying to figure out why and addressing the issue.
And I have never said children should be brought into parents sexual squabbles. In fact, I've said the opposite. I've said that children shouldn't even know their parents have a sex life if they're divorced. Where do you get this stuff from? Creative writing 101? I think it's best for parents not to date at all after a divorce. If they date, I think they should keep dating to the nights they don't have the kids. I have never advocated children being brought into parents sex lives. Not in any way, shape or form. In fact, I've said the opposite. They don't need to compete with a parents new love interest for a parents attention.
You're really stretching here.
What if your spouse wants sex? If denying him sex every once in a while, fine, no harm no foul; however, if you deny him sex over a prolonged period of time I guarantee you are hurting him. Why are your wants and desires more important than his?
So if you decide without his consent to become celibate he should be okay with that? You are BEGGING for him to cheat. If you don't want to EVER have sex with him, get a divorce. I have a feeling you are denying your husband sex to make him leave you. Any woman who denies her husband DESERVES for him to cheat on her.
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