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My middle sister was married to a New Zealand dairy farmer. And I think that she gave her marriage a lot of hard effort. She was a city girl, but was a good sport about putting aside her career to support his farm. They lived in the middle of nowhere. She was up at the crack of dawn to cook him breakfast. She washed his manure covered clothing. She organized his farm receipts and did his bookeeping... all for free. He didn't offer her an allowance either. Meanwhile, while they were engaged, he often boasted that no wife of his would have to work. Hah! Plus, he wanted lots of kids, and she had two for him, and only one year apart. I suppose that he was disappointed that they were both girls, but that was his faulty sperm. lol And btw my sister bought clothing and toys for their daughters from the savings account she had before she got married.
There are women out there that would enjoy life on a farm. But more modern women would be bored out of their minds stuck in the country. You might look into getting a mail order bride from a third world country or someone who is a recent immigrant that used to live on a farm.
Sorry to say it but it sounds very suspiciously like farm life isn't the problem, the problem is farm life with YOU. The fact that you've gone through two women who both claimed to love life on the farm and seemed to enjoy it at the beginning but ended up hating every minute of speaks volumes.
Most women will go through hell and back to be with the man they love. But even the grandest palace becomes a place of torment with a man who doesn't treat them right.
And your 50 year old friend sounds like a pedophile. He doesn't want anything to do with women when he has the chance, but he can't get enough of 'potty training' other people's kids?! Something definitely not right there.
Most women will go through hell and back to be with the man they love. But even the grandest palace becomes a place of torment with a man who doesn't treat them right.
Well **** fire, they don't hit or demean the women. What more could a woman ask for.
Well **** fire, they don't hit or demean the women. What more could a woman ask for.
Totally. I mean all I'm looking for in a woman is someone who will greet me in the morning and hand me a fresh cup of coffee (which is weird since I don't even like coffee?!) No looks, no sex, no love, no romance, no companionship or even friendship. Just "Good morning, here's your coffee." That would absolutely complete my life.
With a farm its more than a job, its a whole lifestyle. A mate should be aware of that and be on the same sheet of music.
However you also need to get away every so often, a night on the town, a vacation or something away from the farm. Hard work is an excellent virtue. But a person cannot be all work all the time.
That can apply to any profession that requires a lot of time, and well becomes a whole lifestyle. Down time or recreation time is critical for people, relationships, and in the long run the operation.
This is very, very true. And also the reason that farmers seldom develop lasting relationships with women who are transplants to that type of lifestyle. I was born and raised in a small, midwestern farming community. The lifestyle isn't anything new to me, but to my urban acquaintances, the difference in lifestyle would be jarring. Farming isn't the only profession that is (or can be) an all-consuming lifestyle...small business owners, restauranteurs, etc. are typically similarly shackled to their work. And that's fine for people who choose it. But it's likely to burn people out, too. You have to build in leisure time and time that does not revolve around the farm (or the business, or whatever). I love rural life, but it's not for everyone, and it's definitely not for everyone who wasn't raised with it.
Also, for what it's worth, it's a myth that all "farm guys" are wonderful gents. Being raised in an agricultural community certainly taught me that personalities of every stripe exist in this line of work, just as they do in any other. There are farmers who are wonderful, polite, respectful, intelligent, kindhearted men, and there are those who are mean, bigoted, ignorant, redneck sexist jerks. And everything in between. Not doubting that the OP's a nice guy, but being a farmer doesn't guarantee that one is a nice guy.
The first time I wed, it was with my high school sweetheart who just loved where I lived, loved the farm, cows, my family, etc. After 11 years together...nine of which was in marriage, it ended in divorce.
Towards the end of it she really started to loathe farm life. She hated the endless work, wanted to always go out somewhere, and on weekends would often say its Friday Night, or its Saturday Night we have to go out. She started to hate the house I built for her too (yes from felling the trees to building the cabinets) and even the fun things like snowmobiling and 4 wheeling bored her.
So then I met my current wife. The first weekend together she blew me away when she said she just wanted to stay home for the weekend. "Oh this one is perfect" I thought. Nope, not so. 4 Years later she hates this place too. Oh she brags about the cows and sheep, tractors, acreage and our new Amish neighbors...but she cannot stand to spend a moment at home anymore. She goes endlessly shopping, hates the fact that I always have to work, really hates spending money on farm related things, etc. She will help with the cows/sheep when I really need help, but I don't think she is really into it. That's not good when you are a farm wife.
You shouldn't expect a farm wife to be free labour and at your beck and call for farm work 24/7. And if she's originally not from your immediate area, by moving in with you, she is then isolated from her friends and the rest of the world.
Marry for love and companionship and let her do what she wants for work. If you need the extra help around the farm, hire another person. After all, as it is, you have been without a wife for a while, so you've been getting by without that help.. And the same goes for if you have kids.
Sure, there are other professions that require 24/7 dedication, but the difference is, the wife can still have her own career. Or if she is a stay at home mother, she isn't required to get involved with her husband's career. And the same goes for their children.
My gosh there are a ton of farmers in my family. And they've not had any trouble attracting mates. In fact, they are some of the most solid marriages I know. Must be another issue going there, buddy.
Lets see. My ex monster-in-law was married to a farmer for about 12 years or so. In the beginning she did everything with him on the farm. His parents were together for ever, farming the same land.
It was his second marriage. It was her third. He seemed to be a loner whenever we were over visiting. He was a very nice man, very sincere. He was a good person.
She ended up divorcing him about 3-4 years ago and has spent her life since then doing paperwork.
She is trying her darnedest to take his money. She claims that she made that farm what it is.
I think she is nuts! That man worked his families farm since he was a child and she thinks she made the farm that went through several generations of men?
Oh well.
Her son and I should be getting a divorce soon enough, and I do not want a single thing from him but for him to be civilized.
Broken
even farm wives need a night on the town every now and then. From your post it sounds like its all work and no fun.
I would have loved a farm life but if the selling point is were workaholics that are good people because we love kids and dont hit women, Id pass.
I agree need to get away from it all working 24/7 is not what I would like or do.
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