Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
The first time I wed, it was with my high school sweetheart who just loved where I lived, loved the farm, cows, my family, etc. After 11 years together...nine of which was in marriage, it ended in divorce.
Towards the end of it she really started to loathe farm life. She hated the endless work, wanted to always go out somewhere, and on weekends would often say its Friday Night, or its Saturday Night we have to go out. She started to hate the house I built for her too (yes from felling the trees to building the cabinets) and even the fun things like snowmobiling and 4 wheeling bored her.
So then I met my current wife. The first weekend together she blew me away when she said she just wanted to stay home for the weekend. "Oh this one is perfect" I thought. Nope, not so. 4 Years later she hates this place too. Oh she brags about the cows and sheep, tractors, acreage and our new Amish neighbors...but she cannot stand to spend a moment at home anymore. She goes endlessly shopping, hates the fact that I always have to work, really hates spending money on farm related things, etc. She will help with the cows/sheep when I really need help, but I don't think she is really into it. That's not good when you are a farm wife.
A cousin of mine is a farmer as well and manages one of the farms in the family. He is a workaholic by any standard and can spend 18-20 hours a day on the farm. At 50 years old he would make for a great husband. Nice guy, seldom gets mad, good sense of humor and just adores kids. I bet he has potty trained at least 10 kids over the years because we tend to use the farm as a babysitter. He's also got morals of the highest order...never been with a lady if you know what I mean. It's true. Even when we forced him to go out to Vegas for a vacation, he would not go to any kind of establishment where the women aren't so reputable. Wanted nothing to do with them, but admits he would love to be married.
I can't figure it out. We are good people. We don't hit women by any means, and we certainly don't demean them. We aren't promiscuous either, are good with kids, do more work in a day then most people do in a week, and can carry on conversations about soil amendments for pansies, or discuss antibiotics for dogs and anything in between. That is saying nothing about fixing stuff around the house, building stuff and are home all the time in case you need something. Holy cow, compared to most husbands I think we are pretty good fish to catch. But atlas not so...
I hate to be so pessimistic, but nice guys do finish last. That said keep your head up, and the same kind of work, and energy you put into your farm wil payoff in a wife who is truly committed to your way of life, and will appreciate you for what you have and can offer.
I have a few friends who are farmers. Everything from ranching, to catfish aquaculture, to cotton, corn, tobacco, and truck crops. They have no trouble whatsoever with the ladies. Several of them are married to beautiful, down-to-earth girls. One of my best friends, in fact, is getting married this fall to a great girl.
The problem with your situation, it seems, is not that you are a farmer. It is that you want a woman who will embrace "Farm wife" as an occupation, waking up at 4AM to milk the cows, et cetera. If she is into that sort of lifestyle, great, but you have to let her take it at her own speed.
Why do you think a proclivity for manual labor is necessary or desirable in a wife?
With a farm its more than a job, its a whole lifestyle. A mate should be aware of that and be on the same sheet of music.
However you also need to get away every so often, a night on the town, a vacation or something away from the farm. Hard work is an excellent virtue. But a person cannot be all work all the time.
That can apply to any profession that requires a lot of time, and well becomes a whole lifestyle. Down time or recreation time is critical for people, relationships, and in the long run the operation.
You need to be able to adjust to that life style or be born into that life style..For instance I have been a City girl all my life...but if I were to find that Mr. Right I would love to live in a farm...
But, there would have to be some form of recreation once in a while too!!
Sadly, agree with the notion that good guys finish last. In your neighbour, you described my husband to a T. Yet, he had one unhappy and childless marriage and spent 10 years after that alone. Then we met, when he was 55. I appreciate all those his qualities, and couldn't wish for any better man. Why wasn't he snatched before? I don't know. The fact of living in the rural area may play a role, where the pool of women is smaller.
From a woman's position, the age and inclination may play a role. Had I met a farmer in my 20s or early 30s, I'd loathe the work and the seclusion, and the lack of social life. In my late 30s, though, I was done with worldliness, with all that search that young people do (figuring out yourself and life), and I was ready to have a nest, a home, and didn't want to move anymore, ever. Plus, I started having inclinations for working on the land, and realized that it was really what I wanted to do in my life.
I do know how wonderful it would be for you to have a partner who thinks alike and likes farming life.
Women tend to enjoy the anonymity and excitement available in cities, many girls from rural areas either move elsewhere or always dream of doing so. That thins out the options a bit. Out in the grit and on the grind diverts attention away from her, especially on the long days that need to be put in. The agricultural LIFESTYLE just isn't conductive to many women. Some, like in your examples, are into it for a while, thinking "yea, breath in the fresh air, sit on the deck crosslegged with a cup of coffe, simple life, like I've seen in the folgers or deck stain commercials" But that tends to wear out quick. Many women are attracted to cowboys, but how many would want to be involved in the ranching LIFESTYLE? Basically seeing their husband seasonally or only during meals or sleep. It's a tough life in all respects, takes a special breed of person to carry on the tradition.
there are people who find a rural life very appealing, and there are people who find remote isolated living very attractive.
so for the right woman, you are a great catch. but in picking "the right woman" she has to be realistic about what she "thinks" the farm life is all about, and not just have some romantic ideal about it.
for the man picking a mate, it is letting the woman he is with know clearly and honestly "this is what life here is like" both the positives and the potential negatives. for the woman she needs to know herself well enough to know what she needs and wants in a lifestyle, and be honest with herself about what she is getting into.
i understand there are dating sites for "farm men and women" and "ranch men and women" and "rural men and women" who are seeking mates. I would start there. There was a lady who posted on CD about a year ago who had met her ranch husband just that way and they'd been together over 9 years and were very happy.
best wishes. My ideal is a man who is willing to live in a really isolated remote wilderness area, and likes to build things like furniture and houses, and loves nature. So for the right woman, you are a catch indeed. Best wishes!
Location: I never said I was perfect so no refunds here sorry!
6,489 posts, read 7,179,452 times
Reputation: 29855
So much time spent with the farm animals makes those good girls stay away......lol
n the bad one's only go for 1 strole in the hay, they both talk to each other n say naw not everyday...
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
