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Honey, I mean this in the most positive, helpful way possible - you are not in a healthy relationship.
My best advice to you, learn to fine tune your gut instincts. Most young women your age haven't done that yet and they pay the price for it every time. Those little voices inside your head sending up red flags about his behavior should not be ignored. I could not stress this enough if you were my own daughter - PLEASE do not disregard this advice.
You are in a controlling relationship. Sounds like he wants eye candy and you need to shut up and look pretty? He has to approve what you wear? Did he meet you at Hooters??
The man is 30...you are 23...
Okay, well from personal experience I know a couple in the same boat...he is 7 or 8 years older and he is like her father...Now she wants to do fun things and he is an old man napping...
You're so young...you need to enjoy your life not sit around business meals discussing the price of eggs and bread with Mrs. Boss and the work colleagues.
I'd have to say move on. You've pointed out some very "reg flags" already and if I were you I'd be running the other direction. I think you already know what the right choice is here, which is why you came to us.
The boyfriend and I are so different, I wonder if this is contributing to some of the issues we have in our relationship.
Some background: I am black, he is white. He grew up in Westchester county, I grew up in Harlem. He is seven years my senior. He's traveled a lot, I haven't. He works in Manhattan making decent money managing accounts for an A/V company (a nine to five), I've worked for Hooters for two years (working at night, primarily).
We are obviously very different in a lot of ways, but we care a lot about each other and we were virtually inseparable pretty much from the moment we met.
But I can't ignore some of the issues we deal with and I wonder if it has to do with us being so different.
I know he's older, done a ton of stuff, and is generally a very mature individual, however, he talks to me like a child, and I'm tired of it. He honestly makes me feel like a moron and I'm very well educated. He has no problem calling my opinions 'ignorant' and 'stupid'. Mostly I just give up arguing because he gets very agitated and I'm a calm, peaceful, submissive person in general. If I complain about him treating me like a child, he insists that he's doing nothing of the sort, that sometimes I just have moments in which I don't exhibit a lot of common sense.
He is very appearance oriented, and likes to approve of the stuff I wear before I wear them outside. I've complied with the vast majority of his requests about the way I dress, I know for a while he hated that I dressed too 'sexy' when going out, and I toned it down a lot. But I find his attempts to micro-manage what I wear sometimes just a little absurd.
Sometimes I feel like I'm a pet to him, he very much likes going out with me and with his friends and people comment on how pretty I am (he loves that), as long as I don't talk too much, sit still, and look proper.
He says casually bigoted things about certain racial groups from time to time, not that I don't either at times (in a joking manner), but he seems absurdly preoccupied with stereotypes about certain groups. If I discuss it with him he stops (at least temporarily).
Now I've listed all the bad here, of course there's a lot of good. He's smart fun, and very attentive to my needs. He's trying to make me more verbal and expressive. He wants to expose me to a lot of things I haven't been exposed to. I don't doubt he is devoted to me, and I'd never have to worry about him cheating on me. Our sex life is awesome (we have sex daily up to twice a day). He never stays angry long and he's very affectionate.
I had a friend i dated like this myself...i was 22 at the time he was 29. Older can't help but preach. He was the best thing i had. But he was alittle too bossy.
As a Black woman who dates interracially, I can honestly say that what you've described, dear OP, has nothing to do with your cultural or age differences. From what you've described, it just sounds as if your boyfriend has a lot to learn about how to treat people. It is never appropriate to belittle someone or make them feel like a child, even if you do think you are right. Ok, so the sex is good. I'm sure that deep down inside you want more than this. You deserve more, to be treated with love, care, and respect. I would tell him how you feel. If he is willing to mend his ways, you may make it. If not, it's just a matter of time, imo, before you realize he may just not be the right guy for you. Don't make excuses about his culture, age, or worldly-wise experience. Respect is respect, in any case.
This guy does not want an equal. It's not a question of different backgrounds but his treatment of you. He is trying to mold you. This never works; in time you will resent it. This does not promise a good future at all. I didn't read through, so this is basically a repeat, esp. that of Nala8's.
very true...stick to the kind caring guys...had the a-holes...they leave you. They leave you wondering what the heck did i do. I look for the nerds now...they are very nice and informative.
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