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Please get out before you have any kids, and get some counselling to find out why you landed in this relationship in the first place. Don't people talk to each other before they get married anymore? There may be something about you that is sucking you into toxic relationships.
Maybe they fell in love and then fell out of love. Who needs "counseling" to figure the obvious out. LOL.
I don't think a counselor can resolve those world issues. Our society is filled with all sorts of people and a lot of times people change when in relationships for the worse and it's out of their hands. Sometimes it works out well and other times one or both of the partners become raving neurotic maniacs.
Quote:
Originally Posted by gentlearts
Please get out before you have any kids, and get some counselling to find out why you landed in this relationship in the first place. Don't people talk to each other before they get married anymore? There may be something about you that is sucking you into toxic relationships.
Someone will end up hurt and the other will be in jail. --- or worse!
FLASHING LIGHTS -- Warning!!
Pack and leave ASAP. File for divorce and be done. Do not discuss it, do not try to fix it, do not try to deal with it. Remove yourself from this relationship forever.
Maybe they fell in love and then fell out of love. Who needs "counseling" to figure the obvious out. LOL.
I don't think a counselor can resolve those world issues. Our society is filled with all sorts of people and a lot of times people change when in relationships for the worse and it's out of their hands. Sometimes it works out well and other times one or both of the partners become raving neurotic maniacs.
People in successful marriages are able to choose correctly, and then are able to adapt to the relationship. This guy has done neither. Unless he figures out where he went wrong, he is doomed to repeat.
I've been married to the wrong guy for 12 years, and the second guy for 30 years, so I know what I'm talking about, how about you, Artsy?
Once it get physical, it's too late to go back. 2 years is nothing. You made a mistake, so did she.
I agree with the others. Get out before you bring innocent kids into the world.
If you think you fight now, wait till the kids come along. Besides lack of money most of our arguments are over our son (parenting styles, what to allow him to do over not...you parents know...)
Look. Just try something new. Treat her in a different way. Try being nice through all the arguements for like two weeks. When she starts yelling, tell her 'hey...first lemme kiss your cheek and bring you a tea or something...and then we can continue arguing'. See how she responds...if you find it to be better, then there's a shot it might work, if you really really want to stay and fix things.
Doesn't matter if people on the forum think 2 years is short...What matters is how you feel and what you want. Some people are crushed by breaking up with a person they knew for 1 week, others can't wait to get out of a 10 year old marriage. Try figure out why you're fighting so much over every topic.
Aside from that, try doing something that makes you happy. Most people rely on their spouse to make them happy. When one partner is happy and the other is sad, it works...when both are miserable, they'll both expect someone to cheer them up, guide them, provide comfort. And when that doesn't happen(because both ask, none of em gives)...they just become more bitter and filled with resentment. That grows in time and turns two people that used to love eachother into enemies. You're unhappy in your marriage, I get it. But how happy are you outside your marriage? How happy is she outside your marriage? Fighting over everything doesn't just happen. Just both figure out what makes you happy, what your expectations are, what you think your SO should provide and isn't....
Give it some time, answer those questions and if it still doesn't seem promising, give it up and move on. And say thank you that you didn't get to have kids before you realized you weren't getting along.
I have been married for two years, and have slowly fallen into a pit that is taking a toll on my health. My wife and I fight quite regularly, on average when we are together I would say at least 4 to 5 days a week. These fights do range in aggressiveness, but every fight is quite heated. We are always up in one anothers faces and there is such visible potential for physical violence. My wife has punched me while driving the car, and I have grabbed her and held her in a rage. I know this sounds terrible, and I know it is. I saw so many red lights prior to this that I felt would lead to this, and its slowly coming to pass. I dont want to end up doing something to really hurt one another ( such as hitting her or infidelity-- not saying their is potential for that right now, but in bad marriages as I see now, nothing is out of the picture ). My greatest fear is that I physically hurt her as she has hit me before and in my anger I feel so much rage. I have been very ill about 6 times in a year, 3 times in hospital from stress ( one illness lasting 2 months). I cant take another year like this. We are young, I am about to finish my degree but know that I cant do another year like we have had in the past. I can feel great differences in my physically health ( practically no immune system-get sick very easily) mental health ( I cant think on a lvl that I used to, very exhausted ) and emotionally. I feel I need to remove myself, but she doesnt want me to leave. She falls down and tells me how it will kill her, how she loves me and will always love me, all these things that I think should solidify a relationship. The only problem is things like this have happened before and nothing changes, two years of constant fighting has almost destroyed my faith in each other. When she says those things I dont want to leave her....it confuses me, its up and down up and down. As a university student (26 yrs old ), I am not in the greatest financial bracket, and we cant afford professional help. We have seen a pastor once, but he did not believe in divorce, and since she was crying and telling him she loved me, he questioned my ability to love and why I would want to leave, even though I pretty much explained to him what was going on ( health wise, fighting, potential for physical violence etc.) I used to be a Christian but have lost my faith, she is a christian and that poses a problem also. I am so lost and alone. I saw what was going on, I ignored what I saw, and now were are here. I dont like what I see right now, I am terrified for the future, and cant live a life like this...I cant live with myself if I do something like abuse or cheating ( even though I feel the verbal abuse is already there ). I cant carry on in a normal life, I feel like a shell, I pretty much have to drop out of this year of school ( its just started ) because this continues to worsen. Any help or advice, please.
You are quite ready for professional Marriage Counselling , both to save your marriage and to save your emotional health. This is something that needs to take priority in your life right now . Talk to your wife and see how she feels about it ; tell her you love her but your marriage is going to fail unless you both go for it asap. If you feel you are getting close to hitting her , dont....and seperate then go to marriage counselling even if she wont go. Once she sees you trying hard by going to marriage counselling, she will most likely want to go too. You are both in a volitile situation right now and sooner or later, someone is going to get physically hurt --- if you hurt your wife, she will most likely have you removed from the house and it might go on your permanent record...plus, its going to give you such stress that it will push you over the edge. I havent read the entire thread because its pretty long, but, if you havent started Marriage Counselling and/or seperated...you need to immediately .
p.s. DO NOT risk the chance of her getting pregnant in this kind of volitile marriage ; dont have sex with her until you both have undergone serious counselling and until your marriage has done a 180 . Dont cheat on her either , as there may be hope for your marriage still after counselling if it is successful. Dont get a g/f because it will muddy up the waters and you need a clean break from women if you elect to seperate while working on your marriage. Chances are, one or both of you have issues from the past that need to be resolved ... and many times they can thru painstaking determination with the guidance of a good professional Counsellor.
Thanks again for everyones input. Its so difficult for me right now, its pulling me apart. I really feel the most difficult thing is her telling me that she loves me and always will. That is something that has been said in the past when situations arise like this, but the endings all turn out to be like where we are now...I just cannot continue a normal life like this, I most certainly cant finish my degree or go to school this semester as stress hospitalized me last year, something I cant go through again. I am speaking with someone today, but I really thank everyone for their ideas and experiences. I sometimes feel that maybe we just are not right for one another, I mean is that even possible, to love someone but not be able to work? I know that children cant be brought into this world, we havnt had sex in months, all for my fears of bringing a child into a toxic atmosphere. And in that is another thing, if we are unable to make a family, how can we be one just together.
Thanks again for everyones input. Its so difficult for me right now, its pulling me apart. I really feel the most difficult thing is her telling me that she loves me and always will. That is something that has been said in the past when situations arise like this, but the endings all turn out to be like where we are now...I just cannot continue a normal life like this, I most certainly cant finish my degree or go to school this semester as stress hospitalized me last year, something I cant go through again. I am speaking with someone today, but I really thank everyone for their ideas and experiences. I sometimes feel that maybe we just are not right for one another, I mean is that even possible, to love someone but not be able to work? I know that children cant be brought into this world, we havnt had sex in months, all for my fears of bringing a child into a toxic atmosphere. And in that is another thing, if we are unable to make a family, how can we be one just together.
Honey, she doesn't love you - she has NO CLUE what real love is.
There is so much co-dependence and craziness in this relationship that you can't really see the forest for the trees, but trust me, this is a toxic relationship that you both need to get out of - even if just temporarily until you can address your individual issues.
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