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I tell people all the time from my experience to never, NEVER date over the phone.
Damn.
Not sure how people 'date over the phone' - that is not considered "dating" in my book. The majority of people have the sense to have plentiful in-person contact before moving in together and saying, "I do." Appears that others need to give you pointers, and not the other way around. . . .
Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending how you look at it) , I am all too familiar with stories of people who do a 180 right after the wedding. This happened to my mother when she got married. The man she thought was going to be a good husband, turned out to be a very controlling, domeneering, abusive spouse. She has warned me all my life, that men like these exist and that is why its not safe to trust too easily. I have grown into an adult, and have come to the conclusion, that she was right all along. But not only is this a frequent happening to meet people with different faces, many times its almost a given that if they are too good to be true, they usually are.
And not only does it apply to men. I have recently found out my sister, who I have known all my life, is a closet psycho. Here I was thinking EVERYBODY else was aggravating her. But, I learned my lesson with her. I now know that people with many problems, usually blame others , but in reality, they are ones causeing them.
I'm going through this now. I'm working hard to continue to be polite, fair, honest, etc. while still positioning myself to come away with as much as I possibly can. Anyone who knows me even a little would expect me to do this, it's just the kind of person I am. My husband shouldn't be surprised by this but if he is it means he really hasn't been paying any attention for the last 28 years. I don't know if the divorce will bring out the worst in him or not...even though it was his decision to end our marriage he doesn't say much. Or do much.
Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending how you look at it) , I am all too familiar with stories of people who do a 180 right after the wedding. This happened to my mother when she got married. The man she thought was going to be a good husband, turned out to be a very controlling, domeneering, abusive spouse. She has warned me all my life, that men like these exist and that is why its not safe to trust too easily. I have grown into an adult, and have come to the conclusion, that she was right all along. But not only is this a frequent happening to meet people with different faces, many times its almost a given that if they are too good to be true, they usually are.
And not only does it apply to men. I have recently found out my sister, who I have known all my life, is a closet psycho. Here I was thinking EVERYBODY else was aggravating her. But, I learned my lesson with her. I now know that people with many problems, usually blame others , but in reality, they are ones causeing them.
your very fortunate...my mother was so very naieve...and trusting...and we adopted that from her...I mean to tell you, for a long time, I couldn't adjust to the work place, meaning, people being mean and back stabbing, b/c well quite simply she didn't warn us that it existed....I don't believe she believed it existed. As odd as it may seem, she was very child like as far as innocence, so much so, that we all had to really adjust out there in the real world..and to tell you the truth, I'm so glad we did...I could tell you stories about how people took advantage of her, and she never realized...so, consider yourself very lucky, cuz we kids were in for a rude awakening. For example, when I heard about people doing bad things to each other, like running around on one another, I'd be shocked...hurt, took, it very personal...we grew up in a very small town which was extremely religious...every Wed. afternoon, all the stores closed down for church....people who grew up there, especially during my mother's generation were very sheltered....
I'm going through this now. I'm working hard to continue to be polite, fair, honest, etc. while still positioning myself to come away with as much as I possibly can. Anyone who knows me even a little would expect me to do this, it's just the kind of person I am. My husband shouldn't be surprised by this but if he is it means he really hasn't been paying any attention for the last 28 years. I don't know if the divorce will bring out the worst in him or not...even though it was his decision to end our marriage he doesn't say much. Or do much.
I'm very sorry to hear your going thru divorce...and I hope you will always maintain your kindness, patience and love, regardless....fairness is all one can ask...I wish more people thought like you....
Someone here mentioned her sister was a "closet psycho." I wonder what meeting a psycho in person is like (I'm not joking).
And as for changing... It's so sad that men and women put up such a lovely face when dating, etc, and only reveal their real selves after the wedding. I feel for those who were trusting and were deceived.
I fully agree with the person who said... it's not safe to trust too easily. I've cut off some friendships and weakened others because I saw they were not worthy of my trust. Better a few friends whom I know I can trust rather than many whom I can't.
I can't speak for anyone else, but upon meeting my husband, I was smitten...he wined and dined me, was the perfect gentleman...we went every where, did so much...and I thought we had so much in common....it was fun...loving, and his family were great people...huge family...but when we married, he changed...we didn't go anywhere, I wasn't allowed to go anywhere...but to work and the grocery store...it was like a prison...I remember walking through the house with an arm full of dry laundry thinking, I've never in my life ever felt so alone before"....he cut off all my friends....family, support network, and I allowed it...I was so foolish, trying so hard to make it work...talk about naieve...but the seperation and divorce...ohhhhh my....I am so happy to be free of him...never ever again.
I'm sorry these thoughts have come back up in your life.
Kinda like throw up that comes up in the back of your throat. It burns.
I'm sorry these thoughts have come back up in your life.
Kinda like throw up that comes up in the back of your throat. It burns.
?????
These thoughts came back up because I know of a couple who are seperating, and I told her, you never really know someone, until you go thru divorce....not everyone is like this...but there are some real duzzies out there....
These thoughts don't rule my life, they are though a great lesson learned....
He was probably a whiney weiner. I can't stand men that are whiney...and the groveling at your feet type make me want to puke, as well. Any man that has to try this hard is not worthy of my attention.
He was just really stupid. First impression was everything, but the more I got to know him, the less I respected him because he had no respect for himself.
Adults should be on better behavior going through a divorce, especially when kids are involved.
This will affect/effect children forever.
My soon (this century) to be ex says horrible things about me. I just hope someday my kids will realize what is true, and what was said out of anger.
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I don't know if the divorce will bring out the worst in him or not...even though it was his decision to end our marriage he doesn't say much. Or do much.
?????
