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Women who don't want to have their own kids figure that a guy who already has kids will let them off the hook. That doesn't always hold true, having kids can actually be an advantage for men in some sectors of the dating market.
I've gathered no evidence pro or con, regarding this matter. But the idea is plausible. A man with children who now finds himself in the dating-market has presumably suffered a tough break in life, especially if the children were from within a marriage that has now collapsed. A man of a certain age without children would in some circles be regarded as aberrant and strange. Something must be "wrong with him". This is worse than having suffered the tough-break.
On the other hand, presumably women who volitionally don't have children would prefer to not be stepmothers, no more than they'd prefer to be biological mothers.
The bottom line is that it all depends on how the prospective partners view children in general. Dealing with another person's children is a secondary matter. People who gladly think of themselves as potential parents would presumably come to terms with their prospective partner already having kids. People who regard parenthood as an unfortunate affliction would recoil from a prospective partner with children, regardless of romantic infatuation.
If he was this guy, on the right, I'd date him in a heartbeat. That right there is a man to go through life with. I can't stop laughing! Fatherhood, FTW!
WOW you could be missing out on the love of your life with that attitude. I met my wonderful soul mate 11 years ago and he was divorced with 3 boys...UGH!!!!!
I never became their step mom but became their friend. I never lived with them or did any mom like things for them. But I am indeed their friend. I never interfered with their relationship with him and now they are grown and we are still going strong. There is no other man like the man I have. I am thankful that I did not allow the fact that he had kids to stop me from loving him. I never wanted kids either...and have never had a child.
They came over for visitation, did they not?
I just wouldn't want that feeling of not being somewhat united with people who stay in my home on a regular basis. I have friends with kids & teach kids sometimes - an afternoon is enough. Whole weekends & vacations makes them a big part of your life.
Too often I've seen it where the couple doesn't have full custody of the kids, who primarily reside with the mother, at first; then circumstances change & the kids wind up living with dad, & now the woman is a "step-mom". There are no guarantees, basically. And I would NEVER want to make a man feel like his kids are not wanted in his home. Why would he even want to be with a woman who wants nothing to do with his kids?
They came over for visitation, did they not?
I just wouldn't want that feeling of not being somewhat united with people who stay in my home on a regular basis. I have friends with kids & teach kids sometimes - an afternoon is enough. Whole weekends & vacations makes them a big part of your life.
Too often I've seen it where the couple doesn't have full custody of the kids, who primarily reside with the mother, at first; then circumstances change & the kids wind up living with dad, & now the woman is a "step-mom". There are no guarantees, basically. And I would NEVER want to make a man feel like his kids are not wanted in his home. Why would he even want to be with a woman who wants nothing to do with his kids?
That happened to a really good friend of mine. She's pretty vocal about advising those of us who are unmarried & kid-free to stay away from men with kids.
I know this is an old topic but what you said really helped me. I am in a situation similar to yours but a little worse (baby's mother is a controlling *****, for loss of other words).
Reading that made me feel much better about my situation. It helped me not give a **** about women that would turn me down. It made me realize that I wouldn't want a woman like that anyways.
I also don't feel guilty for turning down women with kids either. You made me realize it is a whole different situation dating a mother compared to dating a father. Mothers are way too controlling and up tight with their children and that transfers to their attitude with everything else. And I also don't feel guilty now about saying their body isn't what it use to be, it just isn't, sorry ladies.
Now i am actually very positive about my situation. The women i have dated don't have children, don't tell me how to be father, are not clingy, are independent, and have great bodies lol. So it is kind of win win. I get to have a cool kid but i am not stuck with a woman that has a bad attitude and body to match it. I think more men should look at like that. I actually feel lucky now.
I read this a while ago and it really helped so i though i would come back and register an account just to reply to this.
As a single dad, i dated childless women and found that they tended to not want to be a mom to your child, but still insisted on having 2-3 of their own. They never really grasped the concept that if we were to marry, my child is part of the deal and they need to accept them into their life...not necessarily as a mother figure.
So i began dating a women with a single child like me around the same age and it's been great. She understands where I am and what i need to deal with and doing things with the kids has been a good bonding experience vs single girls wanting to go out to the club or out to dinners etc and not grasping the "hey, i need to buy some stuff for my kid this week so we can't go away next weekend" concept.
I'm child-free, so I prefer that the men I date do not have kids or want any. It's not a selfish thing, it's just honest. And I make it very clear on my online profile. Which led to men WITH kids to email me upset emails on why I don't like their kids. Obviously I'm not right for you, why are you even emailing me? People are strange.
It probably be best for men with kids to date women with kids. Like someone said above, they can understand each other's challenges. Single people live different lives than those with children. I never have to change a diaper, my cats take care of themselves just fine.
I'm child-free, so I prefer that the men I date do not have kids or want any. It's not a selfish thing, it's just honest. And I make it very clear on my online profile. Which led to men WITH kids to email me upset emails on why I don't like their kids. Obviously I'm not right for you, why are you even emailing me? People are strange.
It probably be best for men with kids to date women with kids. Like someone said above, they can understand each other's challenges. Single people live different lives than those with children. I never have to change a diaper, my cats take care of themselves just fine.
Yeah I've gotten so many nasty emails accusing me of everything of being a gold digger to a child hater to even a child murderer! I like kids, I would even be open to having one of my own (bio or adoptive)though am okay if I don't. I just don't want to be a stepmother.
I know this is an old topic but what you said really helped me. I am in a situation similar to yours but a little worse (baby's mother is a controlling *****, for loss of other words).
Reading that made me feel much better about my situation. It helped me not give a **** about women that would turn me down. It made me realize that I wouldn't want a woman like that anyways.
I also don't feel guilty for turning down women with kids either. You made me realize it is a whole different situation dating a mother compared to dating a father. Mothers are way too controlling and up tight with their children and that transfers to their attitude with everything else. And I also don't feel guilty now about saying their body isn't what it use to be, it just isn't, sorry ladies.
Now i am actually very positive about my situation. The women i have dated don't have children, don't tell me how to be father, are not clingy, are independent, and have great bodies lol. So it is kind of win win. I get to have a cool kid but i am not stuck with a woman that has a bad attitude and body to match it. I think more men should look at like that. I actually feel lucky now.
I read this a while ago and it really helped so i though i would come back and register an account just to reply to this.
Okay so your baby mama is a controlling person, and you don't date moms because of being controlling though your baby mama is controlling. Then you insult women that have given birth.
I hope you enjoy being single. Most women would avoid that attitude.
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I never wanted kids either...and have never had a child.
