Single women with no kids, do you hesitate to date guys w kids? (spouse, good looking)
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I dated divorced fathers and childless men. There's a unique dynamic in every case. I know some childless and child-free folks are quick to say "date your own kind!!" but it's not that easy due to the tricky nature of blending two families with kids parented different ways with their own personalities, background, behaviors, quirks, demeanor, etc. BTDT. I dated a man with a daughter a year older than my eldest daughter. They were very similar. Introverted, nerdy, geeky, quirky. All good. But the same may not be true in another situation.
I didn't set out looking for childless men. My husband just happened to be childless and didn't have an issue dating a woman with children. He's good with children and works with them. He's less bothered by OPK than I am. Lol.
Yeah...honestly I feel similarly about dogs. Like if the adult in charge has the kid or the dog well trained, supervised, under control...they might be alright. Cute, even. But a badly parented kid, like a poorly trained dog, runs the gamut from nuisance to menace, pretty quick.
And I'd rather not deal with either one in the grocery store, if I can help it. My god why are the children always screaming in Walmart. *sigh* I always say...it's like hell, only with everyday low prices...
That's our stance in our house: No one want ill behaved dogs or kids around, and we train them both accordingly.
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It's funny to hear people, women in particular openly say that they don't like kids. LOL, in todays hyper-PC times that seems like a very in-PC thing to do. Not trying to be critical or whatever. It just sorta made me chuckle.
I never really actively disliked kids but I just don't know how to relate to them. Even when I was a kid myself I always preferred to be around the older people. I just found kids to be so juvenile for lack of another term, like I said even when I was a kid myself.
I think I already mentioned it up thread but I was surprised how many women preferred to date childless men. I probably shouldn't be but I was just taken back a little by that.
It's funny to hear people, women in particular openly say that they don't like kids. LOL, in todays hyper-PC times that seems like a very in-PC thing to do. Not trying to be critical or whatever. It just sorta made me chuckle.
I never really actively disliked kids but I just don't know how to relate to them. Even when I was a kid myself I always preferred to be around the older people. I just found kids to be so juvenile for lack of another term, like I said even when I was a kid myself.
I think I already mentioned it up thread but I was surprised how many women preferred to date childless men. I probably shouldn't be but I was just taken back a little by that.
My older two like other kids in small doses. Both are introverted and my second daughter has ASD and barely tolerates most of her peers. They seem to relate better to adults and animals (though not really dogs). Lol.
It's funny to hear people, women in particular openly say that they don't like kids. LOL, in todays hyper-PC times that seems like a very in-PC thing to do. Not trying to be critical or whatever. It just sorta made me chuckle.
I never really actively disliked kids but I just don't know how to relate to them. Even when I was a kid myself I always preferred to be around the older people. I just found kids to be so juvenile for lack of another term, like I said even when I was a kid myself.
I think I already mentioned it up thread but I was surprised how many women preferred to date childless men. I probably shouldn't be but I was just taken back a little by that.
Maybe that's part of my distaste for many children as well. I was an only child until 9, spent my early childhood with my great grandma, learned to be quiet and just...unlike other children. I never really could relate to them. Their games made me feel awkward. I preferred to be alone with a book or a project. And they were always so loud. When my first sibling was born, I was pressed into duty as his mother, more or less, as my mom was practically bedridden with depression due to her marriage falling apart. I saw both of my little brothers more like sort of "my kids" than fellow children to my child-self. And I moved away when they were both little, to live with another old relative, my great-aunt.
As for PC-ness... I think that if anything, it's a reflection of the times that women CAN admit that. We no longer feel bound by the role we are "supposed" to have, where children are supposedly the fulfillment of our every need and purpose. More and more women are choosing not to have them at all, and demanding that choice be accepted.
My ex never understood how I could want to pursue a livelihood beyond being a wife and mother. He figured I ought to be content to live and die and have "loving mother" inscribed on my tombstone, with no memory of my name beyond that. And I'm like, "No, I have a need to leave behind something of my character...writing, art, SOMETHING, so that a few generations from now I'm not just a name and dates in the family tree, a link in a chain and nothing more." He sees this as immoral and selfish, I think. I saw it as him demanding a sort of happy martyrdom from me.
That's our stance in our house: No one want ill behaved dogs or kids around, and we train them both accordingly.
Most of the interactions with children have been fine, at least in my circle of family and friends. Most the time the kids were well mannered and behaved well.
It's the public arena that really can get dicey. I was at the store a couple of weeks ago and I never saw this kid but you heard this kid through the entire store screaming and screaming. It might have been a baby and I realize sometimes it happens. This kid had some major major lungs. She/he screamed so loud I thought my ears were bleeding, I just about checked to make sure they weren't. I don't even know how far away they were, maybe a couple three isles away. I can't emphasize enough just how damn loud it was. Even as they got further away I could still hear it and I thought jeezuz I couldn't imagine dealing with on the reg.
Maybe the baby had something wrong, I don't know and like I said, not picking on the baby/kid but the volume level was actually impressive to a degree. LOL
Maybe that's part of my distaste for many children as well. I was an only child until 9, spent my early childhood with my great grandma, learned to be quiet and just...unlike other children. I never really could relate to them. Their games made me feel awkward. I preferred to be alone with a book or a project. And they were always so loud. When my first sibling was born, I was pressed into duty as his mother, more or less, as my mom was practically bedridden with depression due to her marriage falling apart. I saw both of my little brothers more like sort of "my kids" than fellow children to my child-self. And I moved away when they were both little, to live with another old relative, my great-aunt.
As for PC-ness... I think that if anything, it's a reflection of the times that women CAN admit that. We no longer feel bound by the role we are "supposed" to have, where children are supposedly the fulfillment of our every need and purpose. More and more women are choosing not to have them at all, and demanding that choice be accepted.
My ex never understood how I could want to pursue a livelihood beyond being a wife and mother. He figured I ought to be content to live and die and have "loving mother" inscribed on my tombstone, with no memory of my name beyond that. And I'm like, "No, I have a need to leave behind something of my character...writing, art, SOMETHING, so that a few generations from now I'm not just a name and dates in the family tree, a link in a chain and nothing more." He sees this as immoral and selfish, I think. I saw it as him demanding a sort of happy martyrdom from me.
Yeah, I suppose it is a positive sign of the times in the sense you laid it out. I just meant my PC comment sorta generally and loosely applying here. I've got a few books to catch up on my reading when I get a chance. A subject will come up and I run over to eBay or amazon to pick up whatever subject. Right now I've got James Hetfield's bio and after that I've got The Feminine Mystique. Got a couple others on the docket but I won't bore the readers here with much more.
I think through out a person's life, women in this case, can do varying things. There doesn't have to be this binary way of thinking here. I think if the women's rights movement has given women is that right to choose, to have access, to not be denied. I would think one could on some level parallel it to the civil rights movement. Not the same but just getting that parity and opportunity I'm talking about.
I've said all over this forum that no fair minded person who is operating on a rational basis could deny any of that to women or people of color for that matter in the case of the civil rights movement. I just doesn't make any sense otherwise.
My "MIL" is a much older woman in her 80's and she said that was all she ever wanted to be was a mom. It was her thing, she was a good mom to her kids. She had four kids and thy are varying ages but she started having kids in the early mid 50s and according her it was the best thing ever. How much of this is shaped by the times she lived in. Some maybe, but I get the sense for her that was enough. She did later go on and work as an office manager as the kids were older and out of necessity as well as her marriage at the time ended. I think she viewed her work out of the home as just a basic requirement and not sure how much fulfillment she got from it, but whatever. I've rambled on longer than I usually do.
I know plenty of women of all ages who really LIVE to be Moms. But I don't think it makes a woman any less to live for something else. And certainly during pregnancy through my kids' early childhood, being a Mom was the pride and joy of my life. I think in my case feeling taken for granted eventually wore me down, and my god they are such teenagers now. Such drama. They are forever demanding to be treated like adults, and it gets to where I'm like, "Great! Grow up and get out then. Have fun with all that."
(I'm not serious.)
There was actually criticism of that Jurassic Park movie (the horrible one with the Unobtaniumasaurus...I mean the "Indomitous Rex" or whatever) because of the whole story arc that the one woman wasn't a "real woman" because she was really into her career and stubbornly refused to settle down with a man and breed up some babies. And only when she came to understand the fierce protective motherly love for children, could she finally truly be a proper woman.
But with everything that was stupid about that movie, it was just one more thing to roll my eyes at, honestly.
I may have answered this thread a few years ago with a "hell no." but I have changed my mind. I now would (did) date single dads.
Why?
Because I cannot be that picky anymore. Because single dads dont live with 5 roomies and go out every night. They are responsible usually. Because they usually have their life together, they usually are able to hold a long relationship (it is scary how many men over 40 never had a longterm gf) and usually at my age their kids are teenagers already. I have no idea what to do with a baby but with teenagers you can reason. And someone else already did the hard work, I can just swoop in and either take over or be a friend and .... when I am old, I have someone visit me in the nursing home!
I somewhat regret I never had kids but I dont like little ones. When I see parents with their teenage kids, I sometimes get a little sad but then I think of all the work they had to do to get to this point. No thanks.
I may have answered this thread a few years ago with a "hell no." but I have changed my mind. I now would (did) date single dads.
Why?
Because I cannot be that picky anymore. Because single dads dont live with 5 roomies and go out every night. They are responsible usually. Because they usually have their life together, they usually are able to hold a long relationship (it is scary how many men over 40 never had a longterm gf) and usually at my age their kids are teenagers already. I have no idea what to do with a baby but with teenagers you can reason. And someone else already did the hard work, I can just swoop in and either take over or be a friend and .... when I am old, I have someone visit me in the nursing home!
I somewhat regret I never had kids but I dont like little ones. When I see parents with their teenage kids, I sometimes get a little sad but then I think of all the work they had to do to get to this point. No thanks.
I think I'm a few years older than you, not that much and I concede that if I were single again I'd probably have to date a woman with kids. My target dating age range would be 40's most likely, maybe late 30's. I don't know but I do know that the kids would need to be teenagers for sure, preferably later teens. They can be a bit more self-reliant so mom can be a bit more available in terms of actually seeing me. LOL. That's how I envision it, but since I haven't dated a woman with older teens not sure how it would go down.
Not having kids?? About once every few years I have literally a minute or two where I feel some sadness about not having kids but it goes away quickly and I'm still at my age, later 40's am 99.9 percent sure not having kids was the right move for me. I knew at a really young age, probably as low as 12 or 13 remember thinking that kids just wasn't in the cards for me.
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