When the wife is the breadwinner (kids, good looking, physically, years)
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Yes. Sit down and explain that he either get a job or take care of the household and care for your child everyday. That you will handle the finances. If he will not, divorce him. Would he stand for this if roles were reversed?
The way you are feeling and the fact you believe he may have cheated is enough to eat away at and destroy your marriage if things dont change. He can still be a good father if you divorce.
Each time reading about your husband I just think about my daughter. She's 22 now and sucking off my enabeling mother. She'll still throw a tantrum if she doesn't get what she wants.
I read all the posts and I think Urban Sasquatch was dead on. That was a hard hitting powerful post. Good luck and sorry for your misery. Hopefully you'll find the strength to move forward with whatever it takes and find some peace and happiness.
Wow, I had no idea this thread was still going strong. I haven't checked back in a while and was surprised to find so much activity!! Hot topic, I guess. Thank you to everyone who has responded.
I am still in the same situation but think about divorce quite often. I have good days and bad. In fact, just this morning, I had to have a conversation with my husband about financial responsibility -- ok, his lack thereof -- in relation to a payment he said he made and I just found out was still due. He has had some work since January -- so that is a good thing -- but the irresponsibility continues. No surprise there, of course.
I dont have time to respond to every post here -- it took me longer to read through all of them than I thought it would! I will be checking in again soon. The one thing I do want to say is to Chowhound, who I think was questioning whether my story is for real. Well Chow, yes, it is for real and judging from some of the replies to this thread, there are a lot of people who believed it and many who have even lived it.
What's crazy is if a guy complains about his stay at home wife who is lazy and does nothing around the house, he is slandered and shamed. Yet here we are, the exact opposite, and tons of support. Love the hypocrisy of CD.
I'm just as frustrated that my husband hasn't been employed since for more than 11 years since our first child was born. He's been studying for that long for the boards and just to fearful to fail. Money and time wasted. But at this time I just feel resigned to the idea that he'll ever get a job or even take the exam to pass the boards. We now have two children 11 and 5 year old. He's a good husband and dad, he does a lot around the house and takes care of the children especially when I'm at work. But every now and then, I find myself kind of embarrassed when asked what does my husband do.
I'm just as frustrated that my husband hasn't been employed since for more than 11 years since our first child was born. He's been studying for that long for the boards and just to fearful to fail. Money and time wasted. But at this time I just feel resigned to the idea that he'll ever get a job or even take the exam to pass the boards. We now have two children 11 and 5 year old. He's a good husband and dad, he does a lot around the house and takes care of the children especially when I'm at work. But every now and then, I find myself kind of embarrassed when asked what does my husband do.
how do men like this end up getting married while I continue to be permanently single?
It's just astonishing to me. There are women willing to tolerate their complete deadbeat husbands while me, the guy with the 800 credit score and 180K income at 26 years of age can't even find a date? I can provide just a magnificent lifestyle for a wife and kids but I can't even find anybody who wants to go out on a date with me. I can't even say its because I'm physically unappealing, I'm buff and pretty good looking IRL
Your issues have nothing to do with who is earning more or less. The breadwinner aspect really doesn't matter here. Other have already covered this so I will spare the long winded post.
Asking people if you should just "drop" your resentment?
It doesn't work that why...
And good lord...the people in this thread who have stay at home husbands who are clearly involved in their families and taking care of business at home but saying how your embarrassed...stop putting yourselves in positions like this of that is not the life and realtionship structure you need.
These situations don't just happen. You where their every step of the way.
Last edited by rego00123; 09-29-2015 at 02:58 AM..
I'm just as frustrated that my husband hasn't been employed since for more than 11 years since our first child was born. He's been studying for that long for the boards and just to fearful to fail. Money and time wasted. But at this time I just feel resigned to the idea that he'll ever get a job or even take the exam to pass the boards. We now have two children 11 and 5 year old. He's a good husband and dad, he does a lot around the house and takes care of the children especially when I'm at work. But every now and then, I find myself kind of embarrassed when asked what does my husband do.
I don't think that is the same situation as the OP's.
Your husband takes care of stuff at home and provides you a nice, clean place when you come home, so you can just relax. The OP came home to a messy place, cleaning up behind her loser husband, who frivolously spent her money.
Your marriage is good. Why not just be happy with what you have?
How do I let go of my resentment toward him? He is not one to discuss anything...
Old thread, OP is long gone, but I'll answer anyway.
Too bad. He is a grown man and there is a big problem in his marriage. He should be willing to sit down and hear you out, and if he is not, the problem is bigger than just how he handles money. You also owe it to yourself and your children to make every attempt to get through to him. Speak to him calmly, but firmly, in a neutral place like the living room, after your child is asleep, and use terminology like, "I feel..."
You might also wish to mention the need for a financial counselor or planner, because your husband is not handling money in a manner conducive toward taking care of a child.
FTR, I divorced a man like your husband, in part because he was like your husband. If talking to him doesn't work, you may have to reconcile yourself to the fact that he is not a mature man, and your choices are to sit there simmering in resentment (because chances are you're not going to be able to let it go, nor should you) to the point of divorce or accept that you will have to finance, either directly or indirectly, Peter Pan.
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deadbeat husband
