Where have all the good black men gone? (girlfriend, singles, 2014)
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Feminism was responsibly for a lot of disunity in the home and has contributed greatly towards the break up of the black family, not always but has contributed. Feminism taught black women(some) that black men ain't sh** and a number of black women still harbor that mindset towards black men.
Feminisim wasn't the problem, welfare was and still is. That's what took the man out of the home.
I was just referring to societies in which the codification of a race of a human being and the resulting racial hierarchy has been so ingrained in a society (apartheid, Jim Crow) to the extent it has in the US and SA, and the effects of the now abolished system have continued to permeate through each society.
[QUAh, the manless black woman conversation does come up quite a bit in the black world. I am a 27 yr old black woman and for the most part, I agree with you in terms of the fact that black women still have some work to do on improving their own relationships with themselves first. Also, we definitely need to broaden our horizons (so to speak). On the contrary, we have still come quite a long way and I think we need at least a little credit considering the fact that so many of us are actually getting off our a**es and getting those bachelors and masters degrees, buying our own homes, raising kids (or not), but doing many of the things that we are already supposed to do and (I emphasize), all on our own. We may not be Ms. Perfect but so many of us are still trying to do our best.
I love black women. Love the sisters. But please apply this last sentence to men as you do yourselves.
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Here's the thing one about your post that makes me cringe ...You say that we have unrealistic expectations BUT honestly if we were white women (or women of any other race) would they still be as unrealistic? Why should the ones who are doing well (b.s. degrees and all), keeping their looks up, and making a great life for themselves have to "date down"? Why can't we find someone on the job or at these places that we share the same chemistry with that has a cool/down-to-earth personality, intelligent, and is doing the same if not better than us? He doesn't have to be Mr. Fine and drive a fancy car or be a big shot. I truly don't feel that many of us are being unrealistic. Of course there are a few goldiggers/materialistic women in all races though. My point is, you will rarely find that women of other races have to reduce their idea of what THEY consider to be a decent or good man so why should we? No offense to anyone, but how many women of other races that are working or living on a upper middle or top level date men that are way below them careerwise, financially, mentally or otherwise? Not very many. They still have all the opportunities to meet all types of men on the job or at these intellectual hotspots. Some may marry later in life but at least they eventually find someone who IS on their level or higher without having to compromise some of their expectations.
It all depends on what you consider "way below."
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Also, again, I want to address the idea that people think that you can meet a Mr. Right at grocery stores, church, book stores, poetry night, ect. Without going into any detail, NO YOU CAN'T!! They are simply not there and we've looked (especially for those who live in a non-chocolate city). And no, they will not fall out of the sky for you if you are just lying around to find one either. If they were there, trust me, black women wouldn't even be having this discussion.
Of course they are. You're looking right at them and dismissing them because their shoes aren't good enough, they're nerdy, they weigh too much, they're funny looking, etc. I have heard too many idiotic reasons - from women - why a woman doesn't think a man is right (i.e. good looking enough, or good enough) for them.
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There are good black men out there I believe and I love them to death but are enough willing to settle down and have a family-oriented lifestyle? My advice... if you are a young black woman in college, catch them on the college campuses NOW. After that, honestly the pickings are just slim unless you get lucky. Other than that, I really hope that we start dating outside of our race.
I see nothing wrong with a black women finding a man to marry who is outside her race or ethnic group. Just don't give up on the brothers. I am all about family and wanted to meet someone in college. I wanted nothing more than to find someone and to settle down with her. But nobody was trying to hear what I was saying. Your Mr. Right might me Mr. Right There, but you just might not be seeing him.
Good black woman chiming in....um yeah...I'm with this guy...lol...sorry OP....LoL.....
I really hate this saying...."There aren't any good black men left"...uh bull****.....problem is, you have to first find out what is your definition of a "good black man" ....NEXT: Lets stop singling out "black" men....say "Where have all the good MEN gone?" <----if you choose to openly use this statement....I wouldn't, but hey.......
This is what I believe, as women, we come across good men ALL the time...but we truly ignore those particular men...Lets be real..."good men" are BOOOORRRING! So we are initially attracted to the "Bad Boy" Why? Because he's fun! When we meet good guy, he's easy...too easy...so we OVERLOOK them....Reality Bites! lol
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Originally Posted by Black Jack22
Ok someone did respond after all.
The good black men are being overlooked by black women, not necessarily by the OP.
Why can't black women just date white men, or other races/nationalities? I'm a black man myself, and I honestly just cannot see what the big issue is?
I've been on a few other forums as well, and I've seen identical threads/posts/questions from African American women asking these questions. It's a bit strange to me tbh. Just date whoever you want, and don't restrict yourself to black men.
Why can't black women just date white men, or other races/nationalities? I'm a black man myself, and I honestly just cannot see what the big issue is?
I've been on a few other forums as well, and I've seen identical threads/posts/questions from African American women asking these questions. It's a bit strange to me tbh. Just date whoever you want, and don't restrict yourself to black men.
I think more and more black females are dating outside of their race. It seems like more and more black women are in positions of authority. I have a customer and she happens to be black and she's in charge of about 4 or 5 men. White men.
The power dynamics are shifting.
It's a good thing.
White men have been in control for ever.
Let's see how the ladies do, and also ladies of color.
welfare never took the man out of the home, and welfare never will.
True, welfare never TOOK a man out the home but I does encourage bad behavior. In some cases I have been told (I don't have anything to back this up) that women can't get the money if the man is living with them.
Either way, money should go to young men and women who are going to school and are obtaining from sex until they can afford a child, not women who sleep with the whole town and have 3-6 kids that now expect everybody else to feed them.
I'm sorry but somebody needs to be hard on the young men a women today, if you have no house or money you don't need to be in the bushes making babies!!!
True, welfare never TOOK a man out the home but I does encourage bad behavior. In some cases I have been told (I don't have anything to back this up) that women can't get the money if the man is living with them.
Either way, money should go to young men and women who are going to school and are obtaining from sex until they can afford a child, not women who sleep with the whole town and have 3-6 kids that now expect everybody else to feed them.
I'm sorry but somebody needs to be hard on the young men a women today, if you have no house or money you don't need to be in the bushes making babies!!!
What you were told is false. actually if the man lives in the home, they recieve more assistance then if he don't. Now, if he works full time, and makes good money, then, yes it can knock them out of the income bracket, but, on the same hand, the income ceiling is raised because of the man being in the house.
You seem to have a tainted view of who is recieving public assistance. Lets take food stamps for example, only 33% of people getting foodstamps with children in the home are single parent households, so 67% are two parent households. The average household size is 2.3 people per household.
25% of those that recieve benifits are disabled or the elderly.
Why can't black women just date white men, or other races/nationalities? I'm a black man myself, and I honestly just cannot see what the big issue is?
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I personally am not attracted to white men or other/races; I can acknowledge that your super-hot and sexy but light skin just does not get me going.
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....Reality Bites! lol