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Old 01-07-2010, 03:55 PM
 
17,811 posts, read 16,873,127 times
Reputation: 17580
Quote:
Originally Posted by I_Love_LI_but View Post
What are some ideas on how to do that tactfully?

I can't think of a diplomatic way (and I am not good at being a diplomat, I admit, so that could be my handicap) to say, "If you are just a player or confirmed bachelor, don't waste your time and my time!"
Well do you actually TALK to the person, before you go out with them? I sure do. And I talk about ALL that stuff, before ever agreeing to go on a date. I don't see why that is so difficult to do?
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Old 01-07-2010, 03:56 PM
 
Location: Bradenton, Florida
27,238 posts, read 26,314,677 times
Reputation: 10565
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jdawg8181 View Post
I am interested in sex when someone is my BOYFRIEND. If we are in the "dating" phase, then no, don't want it.
When do they become your "boyfriend"? If I consent to go out with a date with someone, I'm not dating anyone else, and I consider her my "girlfriend" from the moment I COMMIT to her. I still don't sleep with her on the first day, it still takes some time to get to know her first--so I do understand somewhat where you're coming from. But if we've been together a while, even only having 3 or 4 actual dates, then if the time and mood are right, I see nothing wrong with it.

It's hard to explain--but I don't feel as if we have to have that "talk" about where this relationship is headed first.
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Old 01-07-2010, 03:56 PM
 
Location: Leaving fabulous Las Vegas, Nevada
1,479 posts, read 3,344,875 times
Reputation: 933
Quote:
Originally Posted by mango tango View Post
Also, ask yourself what type of girl the man you want is looking for? What you may see as a dumb bimbo may be a warm and enthusiastic girl to him.
This is very hard for me. I am always hoping that they want companionship, friendship, someone fun to be around, good sex, but it seems that they are either looking for someone to take care of them or just the sex.

How do you get them to talk about what they want from you?
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Old 01-07-2010, 03:56 PM
 
9,703 posts, read 12,018,823 times
Reputation: 7064
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jdawg8181 View Post
basically i go out with them...3 or 4 dates later they imply that they want to sleep with me...i tell them i am not interested in that and they bail. I do not dress or act provacatively in any way shape or form.
I remember seeing this one TV show about this one jewish sect that the woman covered herself with a sheet with a hole in it during the act of coitus with a man.

So if you are one of those gals with the lights out and has your nose sticking out from under the covers and is like "hehehehe, don't touch me there" and "hehehehe, not there either" than yeah I think you are going to strike out a lot.

I appreciate the fact you are not the town pincushion, especially in this day and age. However, if I am really serious about a girl, then within the first month I am going to want to know if the passion is there and if it isn't then I move on. Cause I know if it's bad now, then 10 years from now I'll be in a sexless, passionless marriage and end up like some of those poor saps their wives catch them watching porno or in affairs.

Most of us men like women that at some point in private at least can be provocative, sensual or sexual.

So if you do hold the covers tight so to speak, then you will have to find another passionless guy and likely it wont be a muscular, fit guy bugling with muscles.

Contrary to the common belief many women hav us men cannot stick a cork in it and bottle it up, much the same way you can't stop your monthly moment.
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Old 01-07-2010, 03:59 PM
 
17,811 posts, read 16,873,127 times
Reputation: 17580
Quote:
Originally Posted by TKramar View Post
When do they become your "boyfriend"? If I consent to go out with a date with someone, I'm not dating anyone else, and I consider her my "girlfriend" from the moment I COMMIT to her. I still don't sleep with her on the first day, it still takes some time to get to know her first--so I do understand somewhat where you're coming from. But if we've been together a while, even only having 3 or 4 actual dates, then if the time and mood are right, I see nothing wrong with it.

It's hard to explain--but I don't feel as if we have to have that "talk" about where this relationship is headed first.
Yeah I don't think a talk about "where this relationship is headed" is warranted either. But I do think that it makes sense to know whether or not the person you are going out with, is even interested in a serious relationship....with ANYone.
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Old 01-07-2010, 04:01 PM
 
709 posts, read 829,966 times
Reputation: 1324
Ahh...you're only as good as you make it. I learned that a long time ago. I'm a good looking guy...chiseled face, toned arms, nice chest...god's gift to all woman kind You get the point. That being said, and it pains me to say it but I will, even I can walk into a bar, sit down, and not have anyone approach me or talk to me all night

By your late twenties, men expect women to know the flirting game by now. By this point, many women aren't too shy about sending signals of interest. If you're not that confident enough, then you're going to get left behind.

I have gf's(just friends) in the same position. And...and I'll watch them when a hot guy passes for their reaction. It almost NEVER fails...they ignore him! What??? He walked towards you, looked at you, crack a small smile and you acted like he didn't even exist?

"Well, I didn't want to inflate his ego..."

Ok...whatever. I've said it already...if you ignore the world, it all to often ignores you

I have NEVER...EVER...EVER...and I know a lot of people...known a beautiful, flirtatious woman that had any trouble finding a good man.
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Old 01-07-2010, 04:15 PM
 
Location: Kuwait City, Kuwait.
1,125 posts, read 1,205,718 times
Reputation: 1013
Quote:
Originally Posted by photobuff42 View Post
This is very hard for me. I am always hoping that they want companionship, friendship, someone fun to be around, good sex, but it seems that they are either looking for someone to take care of them or just the sex.

How do you get them to talk about what they want from you?
Genuinely nice men want that as well. Honest. If a man is truly into you, he'll try and walk on water for you. But if he's just after sex, then he doesn't really like you, and he isn't worth your time.

How do you find out what he wants from a woman? Most men actually want what most women want. Companionship, trust, being spoilt, spoiling his SO, share life together etc. It's just finding that right guy that is important.
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Old 01-07-2010, 04:23 PM
 
Location: Nassau, Long Island, NY
15,747 posts, read 16,313,515 times
Reputation: 6390
Quote:
Originally Posted by ChessieMom View Post
Well do you actually TALK to the person, before you go out with them? I sure do. And I talk about ALL that stuff, before ever agreeing to go on a date. I don't see why that is so difficult to do?
I am rusty since I am married and have not been in the dating game for awhile.

I would say if someone has goal "FUN" on his dating profile, then that's someone to avoid if you want a boyfriend.

I just thought you could give some examples to the OP of ways to vet a perfect stranger as a confirmed bachelor or someone who does want commitment without being too overbearing about it.
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Old 01-07-2010, 04:24 PM
 
3,029 posts, read 2,052,716 times
Reputation: 2946
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dorrans View Post
Genuinely nice men want that as well. Honest. If a man is truly into you, he'll try and walk on water for you. But if he's just after sex, then he doesn't really like you, and he isn't worth your time.

How do you find out what he wants from a woman? Most men actually want what most women want. Companionship, trust, being spoilt, spoiling his SO, share life together etc. It's just finding that right guy that is important.
In NYC or LA? Not so much.
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Old 01-07-2010, 04:28 PM
 
Location: Iowa, Heartland of Murica
3,156 posts, read 3,166,078 times
Reputation: 2975
Ok so after going through 20 pages of mumbo-jumbo, the OP is a gift to mankind but can't find a mate. Hmm, sorry but I just don't buy it. If a person is all that and can't find someone, 99.5% of the time, the person itself is her worst enemy.

The use of the word "undateable" by the OP shows incredible arrogance and a false sense of superiority. With this type of attitude, I think you will have hard times finding anybody.
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