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I've been lurking around for a year before I finally registered and started posting on this site. I must say, it's been a year of turmoil for me, as I was going through a separation after 20 years of marriage, and reading some posts here has either been a source of entertainment (you know who you are!) and enlightenment (some excellent posts and posters here and you know who you are too!).
Anyway, I was on a first date last night. First date with a man I met through a dating site, and actually it was the first date I've had in over 20 years. I did all the correct things that most of you suggested (checked him out before-hand, be safety conscious, etc.).
We went for coffee first, then for a bite to eat. He's a really nice man and we had a great conversation. We left it at a possibility for a tentative movie date, he wanted me to call him as he knew I was new to the dating game and he didn't want to rush me.
My question: I liked him, but I didn't feel anything. In general, when does chemistry hit and you "know" it? I am a happy (actually I'm ecstatic now that I'm separated), stable, financially secure, independent woman with my sh*t together, I have no desire to settle and am very discerning, I would rather be alone than to be in a bad situation again. If I liked him enough, shall I go on with a second date, hoping that chemistry will develop?
BTW, yes, I'm over-analytical, but I have felt chemistry before and it was instant, but I've never acted on it -- too many barriers in the way at the time. I've regretted not acting on it.
Sometimes, it hits the moment you make eye contact. A tingle runs up your spine and you automatically know that you want to get to know this person more. You just can't stop looking at them.
Sometimes, it hits in an innocent conversation. He/she says something and wow. . . it changes the entire way you look at him/her.
Sometimes, it takes a while. Sometimes, you don't even think chemistry is even there, and then one day, it dawns on you that "Oh, god. . . I think I might like that person!"
Note: When the chemistry grew or arrived a while after I met the person, I generally was NOT looking to fall for that person. It was all out of my control. If you have to force chemistry for more than a short while, then I believe that's a pretty good sign it may never come. Conversely, sometimes it takes a certain event for chemistry to pop up between you two. I became wildly attracted to an acquaintance I had known for two years after we took a trip together.
First dates are often quite nervous affairs, because you're more afraid of making a fool of yourself than anything else.
Personally. I give it a while, until the initial shyness has worn off.
Then, as you begin to reveal more of yourselves to each other, you can decide if you like what you see.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Liberated
I've been lurking around for a year before I finally registered and started posting on this site. I must say, it's been a year of turmoil for me, as I was going through a separation after 20 years of marriage, and reading some posts here has either been a source of entertainment (you know who you are!) and enlightenment (some excellent posts and posters here and you know who you are too!).
Anyway, I was on a first date last night. First date with a man I met through a dating site, and actually it was the first date I've had in over 20 years. I did all the correct things that most of you suggested (checked him out before-hand, be safety conscious, etc.).
We went for coffee first, then for a bite to eat. He's a really nice man and we had a great conversation. We left it at a possibility for a tentative movie date, he wanted me to call him as he knew I was new to the dating game and he didn't want to rush me.
My question: I liked him, but I didn't feel anything. In general, when does chemistry hit and you "know" it? I am a happy (actually I'm ecstatic now that I'm separated), stable, financially secure, independent woman with my sh*t together, I have no desire to settle and am very discerning, I would rather be alone than to be in a bad situation again. If I liked him enough, shall I go on with a second date, hoping that chemistry will develop?
BTW, yes, I'm over-analytical, but I have felt chemistry before and it was instant, but I've never acted on it -- too many barriers in the way at the time. I've regretted not acting on it.
I think chemistry is not really that important at this point as long as the guy is someone u enjoy. I mean u r not looking for a life partner just a date. Two people getting together for fun. Maybe nothing will come of it, but thats okay too. Welcome to life in the single lane. Do it with gusto!
I think chemistry is pretty much immediate. When I met my bf it was and we have been dating for almost four years. Even though we are separated by distance right now, it's still there. I've tried testing the waters a bit and nothing worked.
I go with the ALMOST immediate if it's going to be there at all. I knew my wife for five years before asking her to join me for a bit of a day trip. I'd been divorced for over two years and this was to be my first foray into socializing since. There was nothing romantic in my reason for inviting her. I simply wanted someone to talk with and spend a bit of pleasant time together. We'd always been able to talk at work.
It didn't quite work that way. The chemistry hit halfway through the day and we both fell in love. Two months later we were married and we've now been together just over 13 years.
If you're not looking for chemistry it might just arrive unbidden anyway. But if it doesn't, enjoy the companionship and leave it at that. There's no law that says casual dating has to be romantic.
Last edited by Curmudgeon; 01-31-2010 at 08:39 AM..
I go with the ALMOST immediate if it's going to be there at all. I knew my wife for five years before asking her to join me for a bit of a day trip. I'd been divorced for over two years and this was to be my first foray into socializing since. There was nothing romantic in my reason for inviting her. I simply wanted someone to talk with and spend a bit of pleasant time together. We'd always been able to talk at work.
It didn't quite work that way. The chemistry hit halfway through the day and we both fell in love. Two months later we were married and we've now been together just over 13 years.
If you're not looking for chemistry it might just arrive unbidden anyway But if it doesn't, enjoy the companionship and leave it at that. There's no law that says casual dating has to be romantic.
Wow, Curmudgeon! What a great story! I love it when you post about you and your current wife's romance!
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So glad it went well for you, though!!
