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I know this is a common problem and Im sure its been posted before. I am in a fairly new serious relationship with a great woman. However I am experiencing the same issues that I have with past women Ive dated.
Ill start out by saying that I have been divorced for 3 years and I have two children. She also has been divorced for 3 years and has two children. My ex wife and kids live in a neighboring state about 4 hours away. I rarely see her and only talk to her a few times a week. After a bad divorce we have reached a point of civility and actually get along very well. We are almost friends even.
However her relationship with her ex husband is a little different. He lives two minutes away. They exchange children every two or three days. Which is a good thing. However I having a hard time accepting thier interactions. She has no love for this man anymore. He is basically worthless at 34. She has zero respect for him. But she is mature and a good mother so she makes an effort to get along with him. He isnt always so mature. He tells the children shes going to hell for dating anyone. He has her son call to guilt trip her into things. He takes them out late at night to see what she is doing. Just childish crap.
All of that aside my issue is that they are so involved in each others daily lives. I know they share children. I know they have to interact. But I get tired of listening to them bicker. They dont have bad fights. She remains calm. But when I had to drive in a bad snow storm to take her SUV to him cuz his car was broken I was annoyed. When he parked his truck in HER driveway without asking to fix it I was annoyed. When she has to go to indoor soccer games every weekend and sit with him and his entire family Im annoyed. I finally had to start a fight with her to get her to take down the dozen or so pictures of him and her in her living room after 3 years.
I know that alot of it is my own problem. I can admit that. I sometimes womder if I can ever be serious with a woman with children. I have them but she never has to interact with her. And I rarely do.
He always asks her for money. And thats her business. But it gets old. Every night he has the kids he doesnt answer the phone on purpose so she can tell them good night and I have to listen to her bit*h and complain about him not answering.
I think he has way to much access to her house also. The other night I was there with the kids and he waited for me to leave so he could drop in and see them. He just had them for 3 days right before that. Maybe Im just being dumb I dont know. Sorry so long.
You're not being dumb. It does sound like WAY too much interaction. It also sounds like there is a fair bit of unhealthy psychology going on - with both of them. . . .
I guess the question you have to ask yourself, is, "If this situation and its level and type of interaction with the ex does not change (cause it won't) is this a relationship in which I am going to feel happy, loved, respected and am on board with?"
While maintaining a good working relationship with your ex is important when there are children involved, your girlfriend is essentially still in a relationship with her ex.
I would say that unless you are totally in love with this woman you should extricate yourself from this relationship.
Yeah I think you may be right. She is an awesome woman. And I truely feel that she cares for me dearly. And I totally trust her in the fidelity sense. I think that she jusr believes that their relationship is normal and that she doesnt see the problem. When I say anything about it she acts shocked and acts like its no big deal. But if my ex calls too much then its an issue. She cant stand the fact that me and my ex get along and that I joked with her on the phone once. Fine. But she doesnt see that I deal with it in a much more severe way than she has to.
She wants me to go to soccer games with her. I went to one when he was out of town. I met his mother and she was very nice. And Im glad that she wants me to go and that she invites me. However she cant see that hanging out with her ex husband and his family isnt my idea of a good time.
While maintaining a good working relationship with your ex is important when there are children involved, your girlfriend is essentially still in a relationship with her ex.
I would say that unless you are totally in love with this woman you should extricate yourself from this relationship.
I kinda feel the same way. If he has the kids and we arent there he had full access to her house to retrieve the kids things. That has stopped to a point now since I came in the picture.
However she thinks nothing of her son calling him and having him bring him a shirt to her house. Of vice versa. We go to his apartment several times a week to drop of a Playstation game because her son wants it. Things like that.
It is something you both need to sit down and talk about it and let her handle it upon what you guys agreed on.
He "might" be doing all this just to push your buttons. Just play cool, let your SO handle it and if she doesn't, then YOU handle it in a civilized way and tell him he needs to back off.
[quote=sunshineleith;12753305]How fresh in the past is her divorce? Maybe the over-interaction is her (misguided) way of trying to reduce the impact on the children?[/quote
Three years.... its been a long time. My frustration is that when I say anyting she says "well he just came for the kids, not me". etc.,... She fails to see that its not entirely normal.
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