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Why is it different though? It's still 'pictures'. I'm sure they aren't much different than what they've seen before, in porn. I wonder if someone can masturbate with a blank mind.
My ex liked his porn. He wasn't an addict by a long shot but he enjoyed it now and then. I watched it with him sometimes but after a while it gets old and boring, seeing the same ol' same ol'. That's when I started being "the critic" and I'd end up laughing my butt off. It actually can be pretty hilarious if you look at it just right, starting out with that dorky music they always play in the background. Then you start to notice things like pimples on their butts and wonder how the hell they keep from poking someone's eye out with those wicked stilleto heels!!! Those women DO wear some cool shoes though.
My ex and I talked about porn now and then just as a matter of conversation. He affirmed some things for me. For one thing, nine times out of ten, a man viewing porn has absolutely nothing to do with his SO or how much he loves/respects her. It has nothing to do with him wanting his SO to look/act like those women. They WILL notice the boobs and whatever their particular 'thing' is, of course, but once that video is over I bet most couldn't even tell you what that/those women looked like. When a guy watches porn he's way more interested in the ACTION than what the people look like. That's the biggest reason for watching it for most people. Otherwise they can just sit and look at a still pic. And yeah, men like those too.
I never cared if my ex watched porn. I was the one who benefited from it in the long run. And I had enough confidence in myself that I never worried about him prefering them over me. I never wondered whether I "wasn't enough" for him because I was and knew it. Men don't make women feel bad about themselves and compare them to those other women. Women do that to themselves.
Extremes are never good and if porn takes the place of an intimate relationship between two people, it's a problem. There are men who take it to extremes and they probably need help for that. Other than that there are some pros about it. Porn will never give someone an STDs, AIDS or other 'nasty' stuff. I've never known anyone to have an "emotional affair" with porn but know plenty of people have, with people they've met online, at work, etc.. There's never any personal contact and I think men are smart enough to discern between fantasy and reality. Sometimes singular sex isn't a bad thing. There's no pressure to perform and they don't have to worry about 'pleasing' anyone. Unless, like I said, it does cause problems in the relationship. And by "problems" I don't mean just because the partner "doesn't like it". I mean REAL problems.
Wouldn`t it be grand if it was that easy and fun for all couples?
Hubby came home from work and acted all lovey dovey toward me. I was grouting the bathroom tile and told him I would like to be left alone. He kept pushing me to find out why I'm so "grouchy" and I told him it was because of the youtube videos he was watching. He said "so what" and then left the house.
I'll update everyone later tonight.
And NC~Mom, I'm that one wife that has done EVERYTHING my husband has wanted to try in the bedroom. I try everything 3 times before I make up my mind if I don't like it or not, so I'm very open to his needs. Only thing I cant do often is BJ's because I have TMJ and my jaw has literally locked down on his you know what.
Oops. I think ya blew it, kiddo. He comes home all lovey dovey and you push him out of the house. You could have had some nice lovin'. Why do women punish themselves that way?
I have to disagree. Porn is "Sexually explicit pictures, writing, or other material whose primary purpose is to cause sexual arousal."
I understand your frustration considering he isn't showing much interest. That would be cause for concern, but I really think your take on porn is also excessive. I have seen beautiful men fully clothed minding their business who have made me ravenous just looking at them. THAT is NOT porn. And, if he doesn't have porn, he has an imagination. I guarantee you are not in all of his visions.
Oops. I think ya blew it, kiddo. He comes home all lovey dovey and you push him out of the house. You could have had some nice lovin'. Why do women punish themselves that way?
I agree...prime "jump his bones" opportunity missed.
I thought it would be better for me to not talk to him, rather then let my anger out and yell at him. I never told him to leave, just that I didnt want to talk. He left to take some movies back to the store then came home and went to bed.
I'm afraid I disagree, looking at porn is acceptable.
I don't really like porn, but it's normal.
I think this is more where the OP's problem lies.
He likes looking at pictures, she doesn't like him looking at pictures.
As I said in the previous posts, she may have to accept this fact.
Perhaps she can deal with it better if it's out in the open, rather than the "sneaking around"
That's why I think they need to talk.
He is doing something natural, and she has a problem with it.
Compromise must be reached, or the end is nigh.
Sometimes men can be too tired for sex, but not too tired to masturbate.
Sometimes you don't want sex, you just want an orgasm.
I don't know why, it just happens that way.
many people I know describe the same thing. Male and female.
It is porn, but it's soft porn.
Soft porn, you can buy in newsagents. Men's mags, women's mags. many advertisements are technically soft porn.
Soft porn has implied sex, rather than overt.
It's also porn to you. Not to many others.
Possibly, but with many men, porn is "their thing".
It's a kind of escape, to get away from it all, to be free, if you like. It's "me" time.
again, they need to talk this through like responsible adults. Not be all Rita Hayworth about it.
As a young man, (and sometimes as an older man!!) you can get sexual stimulation from riding on a bus. Will you stop your s/o from going on buses?
Yes, it probably is for sexual stimulation, but, he is in a relationship with her, he is not dead.
Sexual stimulation can come in all forms.
Sex and love are seperate things.
sex and masturbation are seperate things.
If they are having sexual, or relationship problems, they will need to be sorted out. Then this will seem like a storm in a teacup.
I tried to give you reps but I have to spread the love... Good post!!
The only way for a woman to get her man to not watch (which actually means use) porn is for her to give it to him EVERY single time he is in the mood and to give WHATEVER he is in the mood for (I don't have to get specific, do I?) and be into it as well. Not a half assed attempt at doing what he wants with a bored or grossed out look on your face but fully into it. If you ever say "no" or "ew" or "gross" or just plain ignore him when he's trying to get frisky then, guess what? He'll look at porn. Be glad he's not out there REALLY cheating on you or, worse, paying for what he wants. There are plenty of husbands that do that.
My wife was a little hurt to find porn and she said it was because she didn't like how different the girls in the videos looked from her. I told her that I only did it when she couldn't (again, do I have to get specific?) or wouldn't give it to me and that, men being visual beings, I needed something to look at.
If you can't get over this, you might as well resolve to being single your whole life because ALL men masturbate and MOST men do it while watching porn.
I don't have a problem with him masturbating. Thats not the issue at all! He finally had an urge and I was not home. I do have a problem with him masturbating while looking at another women. Like another poster said when a man masturbates he imagines himself with that women. He has a picture of me that he keeps in his wallet that he used to use when he had the urge. But I guess I'm not good enough anymore...
Yes women masturbate too, I'm guilty of that. Since he is a once a week guy and I defiantly want it more then that, I do take care of myself once or twice a month. BUT I always call him if he's not home to see if he wants to have sex when he does get home. If he says no then I'm honest and tell him I'm going to take care of myself. If he does want to then I will wait 1, 2, 3, 4 hours or more till he does get home.
And the fact that these girls were 18-19 that does bother me. Why not someone closer to his age? Dont get me wrong, I'm in great shape and take very good care of myself. He's the ones that has gained weight and was just told by our doctor that he needs to loose 30-35 pounds. He shaves maybe once a week, and hardly showers on the weekend. I haven't let myself go and workout almost daily.
Still haven't talked to him since he decided to go to bed early. He said he had an upset stomach last night and couldn't sleep...
Maybe he's depressed and that's what the weight gain and slipping on hygeine is all about. He may feel like he's less of a man in your eyes for some reason and that could make him more comfortable riding in the virtual saddle than in the real one with you. Also, I have a theory that some dudes idealize teenagers because a girl so young won't have demands and standards yet. She's just pure fun and can't be disappointed. Nevermind that that's not reality, that's a lot of guys' fantasy.
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And I had enough confidence in myself that I never worried about him prefering them over me. I never wondered whether I "wasn't enough" for him because I was and knew it. Men don't make women feel bad about themselves and compare them to those other women. Women do that to themselves. 
