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Old 04-27-2010, 03:32 PM
 
Location: Philly Metro
379 posts, read 52,816 times
Reputation: 412

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is good luck! Lets face it, online dating is all about the photos. Its the first and usually only thing that most men and women look at. Check out this site, which breaks down scientifically online dating:


Your Looks and Your Inbox OkTrends

"As you can see from the gray line, women rate an incredible 80% of guys as worse-looking than medium. Very harsh."

Huh? 80% of men are worse looking than average? Men give women a healthy bell curve. That means, if you are a 8,9, or 10 female, you aren't responding to anyone because you don't need to. If you are a 5 or 6 female, you are only responding to the most attractive men (6'2", rich, and handsome). Which leaves average or decent looking guys to fight over women who are 1,2, or 3's. It seems to happen in the reverse too- average men responding only to gorgeous women, as well.

Tell a girl that she has a nice smile or pretty eyes, you are perceived as creepy. Tell a girl that you want a serious relationship and you are perceived as desperate. Tell a girl that you want to have fun and you are perceived as only wanting one thing. How does the average guy meet a nice girl? For most guys, I don't think its online. Basically, just as it has always been, its through other people. Why? Because someone is vouching for you. Online is very two dimensional and I don't believe it works for us average guys.
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Old 04-27-2010, 03:40 PM
 
16,623 posts, read 14,393,876 times
Reputation: 11493
Quote:
Originally Posted by Union Federal View Post
Huh? 80% of men are worse looking than average?
no, 80% of men who use OKCupid are worse looking than average.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Union Federal View Post
How does the average guy meet a nice girl?
try meeting them face-to-face. make conversation and eye contact.
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Old 04-27-2010, 04:10 PM
 
7,483 posts, read 8,511,912 times
Reputation: 6282
The OP sounds like a whiner. People judge you on looks in the offline world too. And just because women rate a man poorly on his looks doesn't necessarily mean she won't date him. In real life, we see all kinds of not-so-attractive guys who have wives and girlfriends. This post just sounds like yet another guy complaining about how online dating doesn't work quite as well as he'd want.
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Old 04-27-2010, 04:30 PM
 
18,311 posts, read 17,692,655 times
Reputation: 18419
Quote:
Originally Posted by DennyCrane View Post
The OP sounds like a whiner. People judge you on looks in the offline world too. And just because women rate a man poorly on his looks doesn't necessarily mean she won't date him. In real life, we see all kinds of not-so-attractive guys who have wives and girlfriends. This post just sounds like yet another guy complaining about how online dating doesn't work quite as well as he'd want.
I think you are on-target. My last two relationships were with men that had no profile pics at all. Scientifically my @ss.
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Old 04-27-2010, 04:31 PM
 
2,608 posts, read 2,923,922 times
Reputation: 2024
OP is whining, but it's not like he's far off.

Honestly, you just gotta try and stand out from the pack. As a guy I've read over hundreds of profiles in the last year, and probably 70% of them READ ALMOST EXACTLY THE SAME. Women who only put up one paragraph and nothing very detailed about themselves I just pass on by. I try to look for specific and unique things about someone that they mentioned in their profile and try to use it as a conversation starter. I throw in a little humor as well.

This helps your chances more because:

1. You're choosing women who are less likely to be boring/shallow/effortless in dating
2. You're showing her that you can read, and that you actually read her profile to take time to learn about her and didn't just look at her pictures
3. You're showing her you're positive and you have a sense of humor (which every girl claims to want in a man, and they really do).

If she doesn't appreciate your effort of reading her profile, doesn't appreciate your humor, then you just saved yourself the 5 minutes of writing more emails to her, the time to spend on dates, and the money you'd have to spend on picking up the tab, only to realize she's boring, effortless, and doesn't appreciate a sense of humor (or at least YOUR humor).

Men also are tricked into thinking that online dating is so much easier for women. But it's not:

1. Women have to think about safety as a concern
2. Many guys that email them only looked at their pictures and are thinking with their OTHER brains
3. There's a lot of guys who lack social skills and have no idea how to approach the online dating world
4. There's a lot of momma's boys, wusses, desperates, and weirdos out there. Not that women aren't weird too, but there's a LOT of weird guys online
5. Women get a lot of emails from dudes that are 10-20+ years older than them
6. Women by nature don't have a clue what they want from a man so they may not go out with you only because you didn't meet a criteria that doesn't matter in the long run anyway which = not your fault
7. Women also don't know how they truly feel about someone until they meet and date them a few times (I've learned this the hardest way possible).

Bottom line dude: think about why these women are on a dating site. Because they want something they don't have yet, which is an LTR. They've only dated losers before and think they'll find better online. They don't get hit on in real life because <insert reason here>. Reasons could be she's a btch, she's selfish, she's superficial, she's a gossip queen, her standards are too high, she flirts with every guy in the world. There's a million negative reasons for why a woman could be on a dating site.

You're looking for a needle in a haystack here man. Not only does she have to respond to you, but she needs to not have any effed up reasons for being online other than she's "trying something new" or "she has a hard time meeting men with her work/friends/schedule". Other than those two reasons is really not someone you want to be dealing with anyway.

We call these women "nightmares" because you don't realize how much of a btch your girlfriend is until you're deep enough into the relationship where there would be a significant financial, time, and emotional cost to getting her the fck out of your life. :-)
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Old 04-27-2010, 06:13 PM
 
Location: Pittsburgh
13,229 posts, read 10,896,925 times
Reputation: 20506
Quote:
7. Women also don't know how they truly feel about someone until they meet and date them a few times (I've learned this the hardest way possible).
It seems strange to me that you'd find this a liability. The whole point of dating is to find out if you're compatible with someone for a relationship, and that isn't going to happen from a few emails.
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Old 04-27-2010, 06:22 PM
 
18,311 posts, read 17,692,655 times
Reputation: 18419
Quote:
Originally Posted by fleetiebelle View Post
It seems strange to me that you'd find this a liability. The whole point of dating is to find out if you're compatible with someone for a relationship, and that isn't going to happen from a few emails.
No kidding. I'm not sure what his point is here. Dating is for EXACTLY that purpose...most people don't have the gift of osmosis!!
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Old 04-27-2010, 07:01 PM
 
Location: Philly Metro
379 posts, read 52,816 times
Reputation: 412
Quote:
Originally Posted by DennyCrane View Post
The OP sounds like a whiner. People judge you on looks in the offline world too. And just because women rate a man poorly on his looks doesn't necessarily mean she won't date him. In real life, we see all kinds of not-so-attractive guys who have wives and girlfriends. This post just sounds like yet another guy complaining about how online dating doesn't work quite as well as he'd want.
Thanks for calling me a whiner. Name calling is really helpful.

My point was that I believe that average looking guys have a much easier time meeting women in real life vs. online.
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Old 04-27-2010, 08:42 PM
 
4,384 posts, read 2,040,980 times
Reputation: 1612
Isn't the issue that online dating is very superficial/looks-oriented?

try another route that is less looks intensive.
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Old 04-27-2010, 08:43 PM
 
Location: Homeless
1,203 posts, read 1,099,714 times
Reputation: 510
It may just be whose definition of average attractiveness we are speaking of.
I skimmed the provided link and it seemed that women had a more femanding opinion of attractiveness when looking at the men.

Ex: the man may feel he is a 6 and the woman sees him as a 3.
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