Could Your Religious Beliefs Allow You To Forgive A Cheating Spouse? (marriages, Christian)
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As a Christian I would not be required to forgive cheating, we are actually allowed to get a divorce if our spouse cheated. But if forgiveness can happen it is a good thing to a certain point. Forgive once and you are a great person, forgive twice and I really wonder about you, forgive three times and you are addicted to your spouse and need help.
I think in this situation there needs to be some distinction made between "forgiveness" and a decision to stay in the marriage. Sometimes we can't continue to allow or tolerate behavior but we can still release anger and bitterness. Does this make sense to anyone but me?
I think in this situation there needs to be some distinction made between "forgiveness" and a decision to stay in the marriage. Sometimes we can't continue to allow or tolerate behavior but we can still release anger and bitterness. Does this make sense to anyone but me?
I also see what wzippler is saying. Three times would be a little much to ask of one. If one chooses to stay with their spouse after many affairs that is between the two of them!! I don't even see this as healthy.
To each his/her own, but I would say three times you might be addicted to something and it's probably the adventure of will I or won't I get caught.
I'm sure as adults we can all agree we have had sex with out meaning.
No I don't think as adults we can all agree we have had meaningless sex.
Having sex with the one you love is anything but meaningless. Yes I agree there is a distinction between sex and love (unfortunately) but for me personally and I know many who would agree a man or a women's virtue is a very sacred thing and is only meant for one you truly love.
After nine years of marriage, I accidentally intercepted an email from my spouses new supervisor.
The "home" office was 4 hours away from us, and they had never met in person . . . but judging from the email, it was clear to me that they had spent some time talking daily, other than business talk.
It was clear to me that this person, was very excited that the upcoming company meeting, where my spouse had to travel, it would be the first chance for them to get together in person, of course, the employees would be staying in the same hotel, out of town.
In the email this person asked my spouse questions related to hobbies, family, their goals, opinions on different things, I could not believe there phone relationship had gone that far. Someting horrible came over me that I could not control, at all.
At the time I was, and still am a Christian, yet, I exploded into an uncontrollable demon of revenge, hate, all stemming from my utter devastation, feelings of betrayal, and my heart felt it was literally bleeding.
First reaction, spouse was returning home in a few hours, brought my children immediately to a relatives.
Came home and called a locksmith.
Unplugged the garage door opener.
Proceeded to throw clothes and personal items all over the front lawn.
Opened up their contact lense solution halfway, and began pouring children's bubbles solution into them.
Poured maple syrup and cough medicine into their personal vehicle's gas things, knowing they were almost on dead E, made sure to add some sand, etc in the gas tank.
My kids had began to do a tie-die project before I read the email, so immediately I grabbed spouses socks and underwear and dipped them all in buckets of hot pink, then threw them out on top of the pile of their clothes. It began to rain and the yard and drivway was a mess.
My spouse had bought me some collectibles that were very dear to me, and wanting to show them how pissed I was they were broken all over the driveway.
On top of their pile on the lawn went our huge wedding portrait, with their face X'ed out of the picture, and I attached the copy of the email.
A neighbor passed by and try to calm me, but I was so filled with these emotions . . . .
When the spouse got home and pulled in the driveway, I had all the shades drawn and refused to unlock the doors . . . as the locksmith had no problem changing the locks while I was in my tirade.
The result was different then I had expected . . . spouse begged to come in the house . . . wanted to explain, used cell phone to ring house phone, to which I put it off the hook . . . and I sat in the home while spous spent hours cleaning up the mess and loading all the stuff into work vehicle. I started feeling very bad about my behaviour, on top of what I had done.
When it was all over I sat sobbing, didn't work or eat for 3 days, and realized what a fool I was to behave like this . . . .
I couldn't pray or open my bible, because I was sooooo ashamed at myself . . . as had been striving to act with love, patience, long-suffering, kindness to all.
Finally when I got on my knees to Jesus I begged his forgiveness first, all that I did made me feel like I was a despicable crazed person.
Then I spent the next few days fasting and asking for guidance.
We set up a meeting . . . talked . . . they telephoned that person and told them how wrong it was to have started this emotional "affair".
My spouse then enlightened me to why they did this, and what was happening with our marriage, offering no excuses, but their point of view.
They began to look for another job, and found a better one in the same line of service as we sought counseling.
I forgave, but could not forget . . . it is harder to forget than to forgive . . . I spent much time praying about true forgiveness, as as soon as we ask forgivness and repent, God forgives and forgets our sins. This took me alot of time, but we are back together stronger than ever.
PS Spouse also worked on forgiving me for my meltdown and bad choice to allow my rage to get the best of me.
Could I forgive an emotional affair, I did, please I pray never to face a physical affair, I am not sure I could handle it judging by my reaction to above, I don't think I could handle it mentally or emotionally, but I never say never. That was several years ago, and I have grown on in my Christian walk.
After nine years of marriage, I accidentally intercepted an email from my spouses new supervisor.
The "home" office was 4 hours away from us, and they had never met in person . . . but judging from the email, it was clear to me that they had spent some time talking daily, other than business talk.
It was clear to me that this person, was very excited that the upcoming company meeting, where my spouse had to travel, it would be the first chance for them to get together in person, of course, the employees would be staying in the same hotel, out of town.
In the email this person asked my spouse questions related to hobbies, family, their goals, opinions on different things, I could not believe there phone relationship had gone that far. Someting horrible came over me that I could not control, at all.
At the time I was, and still am a Christian, yet, I exploded into an uncontrollable demon of revenge, hate, all stemming from my utter devastation, feelings of betrayal, and my heart felt it was literally bleeding.
First reaction, spouse was returning home in a few hours, brought my children immediately to a relatives.
Came home and called a locksmith.
Unplugged the garage door opener.
Proceeded to throw clothes and personal items all over the front lawn.
Opened up their contact lense solution halfway, and began pouring children's bubbles solution into them.
Poured maple syrup and cough medicine into their personal vehicle's gas things, knowing they were almost on dead E, made sure to add some sand, etc in the gas tank.
My kids had began to do a tie-die project before I read the email, so immediately I grabbed spouses socks and underwear and dipped them all in buckets of hot pink, then threw them out on top of the pile of their clothes. It began to rain and the yard and drivway was a mess.
My spouse had bought me some collectibles that were very dear to me, and wanting to show them how pissed I was they were broken all over the driveway.
On top of their pile on the lawn went our huge wedding portrait, with their face X'ed out of the picture, and I attached the copy of the email.
A neighbor passed by and try to calm me, but I was so filled with these emotions . . . .
When the spouse got home and pulled in the driveway, I had all the shades drawn and refused to unlock the doors . . . as the locksmith had no problem changing the locks while I was in my tirade.
The result was different then I had expected . . . spouse begged to come in the house . . . wanted to explain, used cell phone to ring house phone, to which I put it off the hook . . . and I sat in the home while spous spent hours cleaning up the mess and loading all the stuff into work vehicle. I started feeling very bad about my behaviour, on top of what I had done.
When it was all over I sat sobbing, didn't work or eat for 3 days, and realized what a fool I was to behave like this . . . .
I couldn't pray or open my bible, because I was sooooo ashamed at myself . . . as had been striving to act with love, patience, long-suffering, kindness to all.
Finally when I got on my knees to Jesus I begged his forgiveness first, all that I did made me feel like I was a despicable crazed person.
Then I spent the next few days fasting and asking for guidance.
We set up a meeting . . . talked . . . they telephoned that person and told them how wrong it was to have started this emotional "affair".
My spouse then enlightened me to why they did this, and what was happening with our marriage, offering no excuses, but their point of view.
They began to look for another job, and found a better one in the same line of service as we sought counseling.
I forgave, but could not forget . . . it is harder to forget than to forgive . . . I spent much time praying about true forgiveness, as as soon as we ask forgivness and repent, God forgives and forgets our sins. This took me alot of time, but we are back together stronger than ever.
PS Spouse also worked on forgiving me for my meltdown and bad choice to allow my rage to get the best of me.
Could I forgive an emotional affair, I did, please I pray never to face a physical affair, I am not sure I could handle it judging by my reaction to above, I don't think I could handle it mentally or emotionally, but I never say never. That was several years ago, and I have grown on in my Christian walk.
I also see what wzippler is saying. Three times would be a little much to ask of one. If one chooses to stay with their spouse after many affairs that is between the two of them!! I don't even see this as healthy.
To each his/her own, but I would say three times you might be addicted to something and it's probably the adventure of will I or won't I get caught.
Again, Jesus spoke of needing to forgive seventy times seven but based on other scriptures He spoke, I don't think He had in mind just endlessly tolerating repeated adultery. I think we can forgive the individual and not be embittered towards them but also recognize that the marriage may be irreconcilable due to repeated adultery and move on.
That said, don't get me wrong. I do believe strongly in the covenant of marriage and I think we should be extremely forebearing with our spouse if there is evidence of repentance and attempts at changing. These type of situations are very individual IMO. Tough to say exactly what we would do or what should be done unless we are the ones actually living it. Everyone's situation is different. I think in these instances you would need to seek the Lord for His guidance and wisdom and possible seek some godly counsel as well.
Now that is a great question. If I was not a Christian my answer would be no. No way ever would I forgive my husband, BUT I am a Christian and I do believe in the power of forgiveness. I think it would be a hard road ahead, but with prayer, God, and good friends, I would hope it would be possible. I have to me already seen an amazing act of forgivenss...When I was 14 one of my best friends (who was also my cousin) was killed by a drunk driver. She was 16, and the young man that hit her was only 19. I watched at her funeral as her mother stood up and asked the congregation to forgive and pray for the young man. I was so angry at the time that she could do that, now I am amazed and take that example and grow from it. Her parents are two of the most faithful people I have ever known. They turned to God in their time of hardship when some flee from Him. I hope I always turn to Him when my path is getting bumpy.
Yep, this does seem to call for a "wow," PHM. But AAA2125, it sounds like you really were ashamed of your reaction and really repented. I would just point out that "emotional affairs" are often just the precursor of "full-blown" affairs and can be almost as devastating emotionally as a physical affair. In fact, I think it is probably more hurtful to most women to feel like their husband has fallen in love with someone else than that he had a physical affair which was mostly just a fleshly temptation to which he succumbed. That's my opinion, anyway.
I'm glad you guys worked it out, AAA2125.
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I don't even see this as healthy.
