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I googled "grandchildren living with grandparents," out of curiosity in case this ever happens to me (I have no grandchildren as of this time). A number of articles came up, including this one from the research group Rand. I do not see a date on the article, which would relate to the data presented:
The study states that "approximately 5 to 6 percent of grandchildren and 10 percent of grandparents live in grandparent-grandchild households at any given time." The analysis says this is a low percentage, but it seems high to me...one grandparent out of 10 is living with grandchildren (no time parameters given). The article helps put it all into sociological perspective.
Well, that didn't take long! GofS, you were prophetic. It certainly wasn't unanticipated but I foolishly thought it might take just a bit longer.
Quote:
Originally Posted by GrainOfSalt
So she is borderline, bipolar and narcissistic.... wow I am not surprised she is the biggest challenge. Please tell me she is being respectful of the boundaries and not copping any attitudes.
Last night, borderline raised its ugly head. She was talking to her mother and me and started ranting about something SD had supposedly done. I held up my hand and said, "Stop! Take it up with your daughter." As I think I may have mentioned before, we don't deal with drama or permit it here. It's just that simple. So now, predictably, there's attitude.
This morning she told her mother that if I said anything else about her family (???) they were out of here and she's not going to ask for or ever accept anything from me ever again. [side note: she's trying to fly GD back to CA and needs our info to try to get points off the cost of the flight, but of course, she sent GD in to ask me - too funny]. My response to my wife was that if SD wanted to cut off her own nose despite her face, and her childrens' as well, she's welcome to find greener pastures because if I really do get attitude she'll be invited to leave anyway. So, I guess the battle is joined.
I think she forgets that even if she finds a place she can afford, everything they own is back in CA and moving a household ain't cheap, even if you do it yourself. But someone did say once that pride went before a fall. My wife is rather disgusted with her. As for me, I'm indifferent UNLESS she gets defiant, unpleasant or disrespectful.
Quote:
Originally Posted by tngirl205
I once worked with a gal that was bipolar. She had an awful time getting her meds adjusted. She was pretty even-keeled to me, until one day we were talking and she said, calmly, "Some days I just feel like I could KILL everybody!" I reported that comment to my boss and they ended up letting her go. My point is, I hope that SD will recognize at some point that she needs some help, for her sake as well as your loving family that has taken her in.
OTH, I brought hubby home from the VA hospital yesterday. He is much better from this latest bout with pneumonia.[/quote]
Great news about your husband. Good for you. The meds can be tricky. It took three years to come up with the right "cocktail" and until then it's a real roller coaster ride with side effects. Thankfully, my wife rode it out to a great conclusion. SD won't.
The saga continues (GD just came in and needed more help with the reservation process ).
This morning she told her mother that if I said anything else about her family (???) they were out of here and she's not going to ask for or ever accept anything from me ever again.
No words, buddy. So, she believes she's made your life complete by moving in? Delusional. She could be in a homeless shelter. Your wife needs to set her straight. I'm waiting for the day - if it ever comes - she wants her own housing. Guess who is coming up with first, last and SD when that happens? It won't be her.
Location: Finally escaped The People's Republic of California
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Curmudgeon
This morning she told her mother that if I said anything else about her family (???) they were out of here and she's not going to ask for or ever accept anything from me ever again.
I have been dealing with this for years. My youngest daughter moved in with my first grandson 10 years ago. They just recently left and got an apartment. Now my oldest daughter lives with us. In the beginning after the kids we were alone and I was loving it. Not the case for the past 10 years. My wife is usually sympathetic towards the children so that means most of the time I am not usually correct in what I say or what I do. It has been very stressful most of the time with lots of issues mostly with the kids. It is extremely difficult to live with your children especially when they become adults because they want everyone to live the way they live and within your house. It causes friction. The grandkids cause friction because invariably the parent or parents have things to do and they leave them with you because now you are a built in babysitter. Well you try to bring the child up the right way as you always have with your own children but don't worry because it's always the wrong way according to the child and the mother/father. Our principles as older parents don't really apply in current day society. They never seem to appreciate all that you do or give up for them. My wife FINALLY gets it and now looks for time we can spend alone in some peace and quiet without lots of drama or problems the kids encounter as young adults and that we have already visited and solved many years ago. But they keep coming back. I told my wife that eventually we will be moving north to Maine and I will have an answering machine in the basement and will be happy to check for messages the second Tuesday of every month. Welcome to the party!
I have been dealing with this for years. My youngest daughter moved in with my first grandson 10 years ago. They just recently left and got an apartment. Now my oldest daughter lives with us. In the beginning after the kids we were alone and I was loving it. Not the case for the past 10 years. My wife is usually sympathetic towards the children so that means most of the time I am not usually correct in what I say or what I do. It has been very stressful most of the time with lots of issues mostly with the kids. It is extremely difficult to live with your children especially when they become adults because they want everyone to live the way they live and within your house. It causes friction. The grandkids cause friction because invariably the parent or parents have things to do and they leave them with you because now you are a built in babysitter. Well you try to bring the child up the right way as you always have with your own children but don't worry because it's always the wrong way according to the child and the mother/father. Our principles as older parents don't really apply in current day society. They never seem to appreciate all that you do or give up for them. My wife FINALLY gets it and now looks for time we can spend alone in some peace and quiet without lots of drama or problems the kids encounter as young adults and that we have already visited and solved many years ago. But they keep coming back. I told my wife that eventually we will be moving north to Maine and I will have an answering machine in the basement and will be happy to check for messages the second Tuesday of every month. Welcome to the party!
Gee, thanks! Thankfully, my wife and I are in accord, thus far at least, but I guarantee there will be no 10 year time frame. As you pointed out, younger parents and their children bring drama into your lives and drama and I mix like oil and water. I simply WON'T LIVE WITH IT.
Being borderline, SD has already "flipped" and now I'm the good guy again. I'm the one who had to get online to complete the ticket purchasing process and then access and print the boarding pass for SD. Guess I'm not so evil; after all. But tomorrow's another day. Come to think of it, the day's not over yet. It could reverse in a split-second.
Thankfully I understand the psychopathy, all too well I sometimes think, so I don't let it get to me because I know it will change shortly. However, even I have my limits and my wife does as well.
Hmm! It is beginning to sound like a bad soap opera or, worse, reality TV, isn't it?
Hope your time of peace, quiet, serenity and no drama comes sooner, rather than later. We had a lovely three years of it and IT WILL RETURN!
PS. Love your idea about the answering machine in the basement. Now I just have to dig one.
Not meaning to overstep my bounds here, just want to say that the thought has occurred to me (earlier on, even) that it may be easier for you and DW to just keep the kids and encourage their mother go off on her own until she gets settled someplace. Even if it came down to keeping the little guys over the course of a year or more, dealing with just them has got to be a LOT easier. Now I know that SD has no money of her own, but wondering how you could get her out of the house. Her dramas must be hurting the kids. Could you get "aid to dependent children" for them if their mother is somewhere else on her own?
Not meaning to overstep my bounds here, just want to say that the thought has occurred to me (earlier on, even) that it may be easier for you and DW to just keep the kids and encourage their mother go off on her own until she gets settled someplace. Even if it came down to keeping the little guys over the course of a year or more, dealing with just them has got to be a LOT easier. Now I know that SD has no money of her own, but wondering how you could get her out of the house. Her dramas must be hurting the kids. Could you get "aid to dependent children" for them if their mother is somewhere else on her own?
My thoughts, exactly, but I didn't want to be too pessimistic so early in the game. The straw that breaks the camel's back will be when SD finds herself another loser boyfriend. The woman needs constant validation and she is only 36. It won't be long. My bet is in the next few months. At that point, grandma and grandpa will be babysitters, chaffeurs, homework helpers, etc., all the while being loved and hated, and that will be 'the end' of this living arrangement.
My thoughts, exactly, but I didn't want to be too pessimistic so early in the game. The straw that breaks the camel's back will be when SD finds herself another loser boyfriend. The woman needs constant validation and she is only 36. It won't be long. My bet is in the next few months. At that point, grandma and grandpa will be babysitters, chaffeurs, homework helpers, etc., all the while being loved and hated, and that will be 'the end' of this living arrangement.
Maybe someone else in the family can help/take in the kids' mother, like her biological father (?) while the kids stay where they are?
wondering why the 16 year old came at all if she is already wanting to go back to CA. Who will she be living with there?
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[side note: she's trying to fly GD back to CA and needs our info to try to get points off the cost of the flight, but of course, she sent GD in to ask me - too funny]. My response to my wife was that if SD wanted to cut off her own nose despite her face, and her childrens' as well, she's welcome to find greener pastures because if I really do get attitude she'll be invited to leave anyway. So, I guess the battle is joined.
).
Thankfully, my wife and I are in accord, thus far at least, but I guarantee there will be no 10 year time frame. As you pointed out, younger parents and their children bring drama into your lives and drama and I mix like oil and water. I simply WON'T LIVE WITH IT.
Now I just have to dig one. 