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Sounds like he's doing fine and the only thing (other than driving, which MIGHT be legit) is that with eyesight not being as good, he doesn't see some dirt. Which is hardly life threatening.
Too bad you had to try to ruin his life and not leave him to live in peace, on his own terms.
What a perfectly horrible thing to say. I think the OP has said that hygiene issues were alleged by social services and she has stated that the house is atrocious . . .and the oldsters only eat soup and fast food (from my recollection). It doesn't sound like he's doing all that well, if memory serves . . . and now his roommate will be leaving.
Just because he's stubborn doesn't mean he doesn't need assistance.
I think social services is expecting that his "kids" will be finding him assisted living. From memory, his son does not want to do this because he has a guilt issue because the dad lent him money . . .
Too bad you had to try to ruin his life and not leave him to live in peace, on his own terms.
Well, the original poster is close to the situation and you are not, so for the time being (while still keeping an open mind) I would have to defer to the orginal poster's judgement. I would want to be a lot surer of my ground before I went out on a limb like you have done.
"On his own terms" is a nice theoretical concept. However, I wonder if one of your parents was living in real, genuine squalor and filth, would you be able bithely to say, "Oh, that's fine; he (or she) wants it that way."
Sounds like he's doing fine and the only thing (other than driving, which MIGHT be legit) is that with eyesight not being as good, he doesn't see some dirt. Which is hardly life threatening.
Too bad you had to try to ruin his life and not leave him to live in peace, on his own terms.
Did you read the title of this thread - "Got the Call from DCF"?
Perhaps the son and DIL should be "hands off" and let DCF take care of things (and if no one did anything - believe me - the agency would). What do you think about that? Robyn
Sounds like he's doing fine and the only thing (other than driving, which MIGHT be legit) is that with eyesight not being as good, he doesn't see some dirt. Which is hardly life threatening.
Too bad you had to try to ruin his life and not leave him to live in peace, on his own terms.
Too bad you thought you had something to add to this thread, when obviously, you don't.
Your moniker says you have no name, but I have one for ya, in case you are interested.
I just read that one post again - couple of updates:
(Hygiene) - My FIL does smell now. My husband really noticed it recently.
(Bathroom) - Master Bath - there were bars; he took them down.
On the Caregiving Forum, I asked a question one day; most were kind and understanding; one was not.
We have doing this since 2004, even before but that's when my MIL passed away. We sincerely worry about him. We try not to impose. We try to drive him over to the beach so he can try to experience it (used to love it).
Of course, we are concerned about his abilities but we also realize he is independent and we try to honor that as well.
Your FIL needs intervention. Several posters have given you some good advice. If the house is bad enough he could be evicted, but basically he needs day to day care.
Your husband needs to step up to the plate on this issue. He will have to become the parent. His father is now the child.
Edited to add: have a look at the caregivers' forum here for some stories and advice about this sort of issue. I want to add from personal experience that the very elderly often do not make good decisions about a lot of things, including whether they need food assistance. I want to urge your husband to get involved before there is a tragedy there, or before the FIL makes a financial mistake. Make sure he is paying his taxes, for instance.
Just try to clean one room at a time. Set up a time and go over there with something nice to eat, coffee etc...chat it up, but clean up a room or area, toss out some junk that he won't notice. I think he is not much different than many seniors, alone, nobody to talk too, knows death is around the corner. I would try to stay away from assisted living as long as possible, unless you or he have a lot of money. Many of those places are real death traps.
Sounds like he's doing fine and the only thing (other than driving, which MIGHT be legit) is that with eyesight not being as good, he doesn't see some dirt. Which is hardly life threatening.
Too bad you had to try to ruin his life and not leave him to live in peace, on his own terms.
Please give her a break. The long arm of the gooberment stuck itself into their lives and there is no way to win against Leviathan. The OP is doing what she must.
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A bit on the outrageous side, no?
Wow....thanks to all who stood up for us!
