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I must admit, if my mother had had the proverbial pot to pee in, I might have (MIGHT) have had more to do with her in life. As it was, her emotional dysfunction and generally hateful way made it very easy to have nothing to do with her.
I never really heard about inheriting until I was well into adulthood. It just never crossed my radar screen, bring raised by working-class dysfunctional people who never had enough money for even daily life.
If I had kids, I'd want to keep them in the dark about possible inheriting, lest it skew their perspectives. Only exception being perhaps funds for education.
I took my sister out of my will when I saw that greedy light in her eyes when she asked me if she was still in line to receive any funds from any real estate sale. This is after I built my new dream house and I have never liked the greed in her, even less so as I watched her tried to scarf up my father's Social Security in his last two months of life. She always felt he/they owed her something for our earlier life. I mean, we are talking some 50 years ago! Very very distasteful. She blew through the assets her late husband left her and it was only the assets that kept her in the marriage as long as she stayed.
My father died in 1987. He couldn't afford to leave us (5 of us) anything. I miss him every day all these years later. Our only son does quite well financially and won't need our money. Changing around our will so the bulk of things go to the grandkids. They should inherit about the time they're sick of paying off college loans.
The ideal is to do your retirement planning without ever thinking about inheritance.
It was that way for me with my parents. My mother was angry she was using up all her money for assisted living/nursing home care. She WANTED us to have it - in a very bad way. We told her it was hers to use for her care. When she passed away there was a very nice sum for each of the 7 of us - and an annuity that will send us a check every month for 5 years. She would be pleased at that.
We've taken the same tact with my in-laws. Tho they had way more than they will ever spend in this lifetime.
You simply cannot assume that the money will last and you need to be self-sufficient.
The ideal is to do your retirement planning without ever thinking about inheritance.
It was that way for me with my parents. My mother was angry she was using up all her money for assisted living/nursing home care. She WANTED us to have it - in a very bad way. We told her it was hers to use for her care. When she passed away there was a very nice sum for each of the 7 of us - and an annuity that will send us a check every month for 5 years. She would be pleased at that.
We've taken the same tact with my in-laws. Tho they had way more than they will ever spend in this lifetime.
You simply cannot assume that the money will last and you need to be self-sufficient.
That said - we will be fine whatever happens.
This is true -- counting on an inheritance for most people is the literal version of counting chickens before the eggs can hatch.
It's far better to plan on nothing and be surprised, than plan on getting something and getting a shock of nothing.
I wouldn't be surprised or disappointed if my father left me out of his will. I think he realizes my husband and I are much better off financially than my other siblings. If he bases inheritance on perceived financial needs, I am good with that. I feel really badly for one in particular who is struggling financially. Or it could all go to grandkids. Don't know, don't care.
I don't see anything abnormal about desiring a sizeable inheritance some day or wishing the elder parent would die early. And those that deny those unspoken desires are the biggest, fattest liars you'll ever meet!
My mom is 83 and has severe short term memory loss. Her husband died a few weeks ago. After 25 years of marriage where he subjected her to constant emotional torture, I learned that she was completely written out of his will. I have to admit that when I got the phone call from my stepbrother informing me of the bastard's death, I let out a cheer right after I hung up the phone. I had to move my mother to assisted living a month ago. I have power of attorney and manage all her affairs with my sister helping out as much as possible from 3 timezones away. My mom has enough cash of her own combined with her pension plus a bit of annuity income from a previous husband to be in a nice 2 bedroom apartment in an assisted living place for about 5 years. While it would be nice to receive an inheritance, I'm doing my absolute best to spend her money to give her the highest quality of life possible in her remaining years. If I spend her down to zero and she hasn't declined into a dementia where she no longer knows anybody, my sister and I will pick up the tab.
If my mom declines to the point where she has a lousy quality of life, then yeah, I hope she dies quickly. I hope the same for myself.
My mom is 83 and has severe short term memory loss. Her husband died a few weeks ago. After 25 years of marriage where he subjected her to constant emotional torture, I learned that she was completely written out of his will. I have to admit that when I got the phone call from my stepbrother informing me of the bastard's death, I let out a cheer right after I hung up the phone. I had to move my mother to assisted living a month ago. I have power of attorney and manage all her affairs with my sister helping out as much as possible from 3 timezones away. My mom has enough cash of her own combined with her pension plus a bit of annuity income from a previous husband to be in a nice 2 bedroom apartment in an assisted living place for about 5 years. While it would be nice to receive an inheritance, I'm doing my absolute best to spend her money to give her the highest quality of life possible in her remaining years. If I spend her down to zero and she hasn't declined into a dementia where she no longer knows anybody, my sister and I will pick up the tab.
If my mom declines to the point where she has a lousy quality of life, then yeah, I hope she dies quickly. I hope the same for myself.
You probably don't care but unless there was a prenup most states do not allow a spouse to deny his spouse a share of the estate. For example, in Maryland, your mother would be able to "elect" 1/3 of the estate, regardless of what the will states.
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