Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
My mother occassionally mentions what I will be left with when she dies (not a huge sum). I just tell her by the time that happens I will be too old to be able to spend it. I am only a couple of years til retirement and the sum that she mentions has no place in my retirement planning, I hope she lives long enough to spend it all. I am just glad that in her late 80s she still lives in her own apartment, can do some travelling and is in decent health. My siblings think the same as I do.
Whenever my parents plan a month-long trip to England (they go every year), I tease them by saying, "Enjoy my inheritance money!" My dad laughs and responds, "We will!"
*
My sister jokingly tells my mother the same things when she travels. My come back is there is more for the rest of us as my sister's share is already spent. My sister can get away with it as she has all the money she needs and actually all that she wants and is not a person who really cares about money in the first place.
Mom might need to save some aside for a big party for her 100th though.
I don't see anything abnormal about desiring a sizeable inheritance some day or wishing the elder parent would die early. And those that deny those unspoken desires are the biggest, fattest liars you'll ever meet!
The only way you could possibly be more wrong about this is if you got out of the wrong side of bed this morning.
My mom left nothing but memories & the things she'd accumulated during her 86 years. A lot of that was gifts us kids gave her. During her last year's, those of us that could supported her along with her ss. When she died we all just took what we wanted out of the gifts we gave her & the rest was donated to charity thrift stores. It's what she would have wanted.
I think that made a much better arrangement. We visited &/or took care of her because we loved her, not because she would be leaving an inheritance.
I'm down to one parent and I have no idea if there will be an inheritance. If there is, then I'll use to cover my childs (really a young adult) student loan bill.
That would be a good use of that type of money; bettering the next generation in the family.
But, I am in no way ready to give up my last parent. I hope he outlives me!
My mom died from colon cancer in a matter of weeks after we got the diagnosis. We three daughters pulled together and stuck together and are still close...so like you -- no fighting.
BUT -- after my mother died, every single person -- and I am not lying about this, or exaggerating either.... every single person that I spoke with beyond thanking them for their condolences -- told me horror stories of losing their parents or aunts or uncles and the fights over the money and goods and the ill feelings that still lingered.
EVERY SINGLE BLESSED ONE.
I asked my sisters -- they said the same thing. One in fact, was encouraged by a sister in law to start trouble -- she told her to shove off, trouble wasn't going to happen.
You and I -- we're in a tiny weird little group of people. It reminds me of that tee shirt picturing an nearly empty auditorium, with the banner reading Adult Children of Normal Parents.
It seems most people prefer the drama. Losing our beloved mother was drama and trauma enough, thank you -- don't need any more.
Not really. I know more who did not fight about money/possessions than those that did by long shot. Most families that do where never close really; just acted that way.
Mine are going to have a very long wait at the end of which I am sad to say I have nothing left to leave them. The housing collapse took the equity I had and the neighborhood has become so run down its not bouncing back like others. I did want to leave something but I'm afraid its not going to happen unless I live to be over a 100 to pay off this house that's now worth less than I owe.
I don't see anything abnormal about desiring a sizeable inheritance some day or wishing the elder parent would die early. And those that deny those unspoken desires are the biggest, fattest liars you'll ever meet!
At least these people are honest and outspoken about it! Give them credit for that!
I lost my mom in 2013 after years of decline. She happened to have a smallish amount of money which paid for her stay in an ALF. I assumed she would outlive her money. I never wished she would die so I could inherit. I did finally wish for her to find peace as she declined precipitately after a stroke.
Not all of us feel they way you describe. My mom's money was hers. We used it for her alone. I never felt it was her duty to die sooner rather than later.
Do you hope your parents die soon so you can inherit?
$200k isn't that much if she has to spend her remaining years in a nice assisted living facility that can easily cost $5,000/month for a really nice one. And a really nice one is exactly what she deserves.
Already warned my children not to count on anything, not one dime because I plan to spend every last dime and if anything is left I leave it to the Hari Krishna's. They know dad well enough to know he is fully capable of just this sort of behavior.
I came into this world with nothing, I earned every dime I ever spent and I plan to leave with nothing.
My DH and I don't agree with you. If we die sooner, and don't require years of custodial care before hand, we'd like to know that our little nest egg would go to our kids and grands. We've set it up so that our grands can get some funds to further their education.
Like you, we "earned every dime" we have saved, and I don't know what the future holds for us, but it would be nice if there was something for our heirs when we died.
I think the trick is to enjoy your retirement time until death, without becoming so destitute that you have to rely on your family to support you at the end of your life. It is a balancing act.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
