Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Don't we all have 20/20 hindsight? Sure it would be fun to get a do-over and be a totally different person. Just for the fun of it, I would do every single thing differently! We all have our what ifs! It's human nature to ponder the road not taken.
I don't have time for major regretting. I'm still out there having a ball!
As we age, we often look back on opportunities we didn't take with regret, or opportunities we took, but blew. That's normal, but do you ever feel like the years have passed and you were just sitting their idle, and nothing got done?
YES! I have felt that way, and when I was younger there wasn't as much urgency as there is now (For me). I look back at all the things I blew, and I'm not really upset about it. When something comes along now though, I'm a lot quicker to jump right on it!!
As for you, I think it is great you are looking at this already at your young age. Now the key is to do something about it immediately. Get involved in something that could potentially interest you greatly. When I'm really geared up, I'm awake hours before I work, or hours after work. Get yourself geared up about something.
There are a few things I regret but many more that I am proud of. I chose a life of service, working at nonprofits. The people we served benefited greatly & so did we. Going home after work, knowing I'd helped someone that day, was well worth the lower pay.
There are some things in my life that I WISH....had passed me by. But they didn't. So I was forced to deal with them as best as I could.
Sometimes, we are presented opportunities. Sometimes....we are just given choices. It is up to us how we choose to deal with it all.
Do I have regrets? Not really. I made up my mind early on to try not to create regrets.
I married at 16, had the first child by 18..and then 2 more. Divorced at 39, 23 years later.
Look at what is on your plate. If you are not happy with what you see....you are the only one who can change it.
OP..you are still young. Freshly new to life and all it has to offer.
Maybe write a letter to your future self.....and open it up in 20 years. It might prove interesting.
What you've described seems like a variant of what I deem "Little Professor Syndrome."
There are varying manifestations of it.
...
You go into tech because there is no parental support to get a Masters and money is tight.
You stumble through an early career phase, hindered by the "Grey Ceiling" (few upward mobility prospects). You bounce from ill fated relationship to ill fated relationship. ...
Now into your mid 30s you start to have the male version of "Old Maid" anxiety.
Yes, there are many alternative courses. The overarching point is that our development as adolescents and young-adults must be comprehensively balanced. If we excel in some particularity to the detriment of others, there may not be immediate signs of frustration or decrepitude, at least not visible to us ourselves. But if we allow such gashes to excessively fester, eventually they'll come to overwhelm us with gangrenous spread. Just as a dissolute youth who goes into blue-collar trades, and finding himself downsized and sidelined at 40 or 45 or 50 is too old to follow an academic track in college, so too, an erring too far into the complementary extreme is parlously difficult to remedy.
Many of us get lucky, as I did once, in having handed to us a solution without much striving on our own part. Then comes the task of holding on to that which one has gained; easier, to be sure, than the initial struggle; but of complexity and gravity not to be ignored. Then, if it comes that we fail to retain this boon, and find ourselves in midlife in a search resembling the pathetic stumblings of our youth, now comes with devastating acknowledgement how little progress we have made, and what remains even at a most elementary level, though by chronology and social expectation we're now supposed to be advanced.
My early career was very smooth, more from luck and tenacity and concentration, than creativity or robust sensibility. I didn't stop at a Master's because another funding source appeared. The "Gray Ceiling" is definitely there, because persons in their 60s and 70s are unwilling or unable to retire, leaving their juniors waiting in line. But this isn't permanent. What does however feel permanent is the "male version of the old maid anxiety" - very well phrased, by the way!
Quote:
Originally Posted by yellowsnow
Don't we all have 20/20 hindsight?
Maybe. Often I find my own hindsight to be occluded. Quite possibly, even had I known then, what I know presently, I might have repeated the same mistakes. Why? Because they stem not necessarily form ignorance or poor judgment, but from fundamental nature of personality. If our personality is skittish, phlegmatic and risk-averse, we could not have followed a more aggressive course of action even in hindsight, even if we knew about good prospects (with the benefit of hindsight); our personalities would have precluded this.
I'm sitting in the office today. I work from 9-6 - left the restaurant this morning at 7:35 and it's still dark outside, fought traffic and got in here about 8:35. Walked around the building a little bit. I don't even get a lunch hour now, so it's nose to the grindstone until 6, and by that point it's nearly dark. Repeat ad nauseum in the darker months.
It's hard to not feel some of the days are just "rolling" into the next with no obvious purpose behind any of the days.
The only thing outside of work, which is a grind for many many people, is relationships. Is it possible that instead of thinking about the work aspect, you really want more fulfilling relationships? That is the focus for folks around your age. There is a feeling of emptiness in work only.
The only thing outside of work, which is a grind for many many people, is relationships. Is it possible that instead of thinking about the work aspect, you really want more fulfilling relationships? That is the focus for folks around your age. There is a feeling of emptiness in work only.
To a point, I do. I have a loving girlfriend, but I see most folks my age with someone they've been with for at least a few years and I haven't had that since my early 20s. Since I was 21-22, I've been mostly single. Sure, I've had flings here and there, but it would be nice to be able to settle down a bit more. I moved to IN for work and am looking to move again as the position has stagnated. It would be nice to feel I could make $50k-$60k without having to continuously move from region to region.
To a point, I do. I have a loving girlfriend, but I see most folks my age with someone they've been with for at least a few years and I haven't had that since my early 20s. Since I was 21-22, I've been mostly single. Sure, I've had flings here and there, but it would be nice to be able to settle down a bit more. I moved to IN for work and am looking to move again as the position has stagnated. It would be nice to feel I could make $50k-$60k without having to continuously move from region to region.
Instability in job/partners can breed boredom and sometimes anxiety (for me anyway). In your case, settling down and moving on when a job stagnates are at odds with each other. These days, a decent paying job and a decent relationship with an SO are about as good as it gets. Not that you shouldn't reach higher, just that in case that doesn't yield results, don't let that be a downer. Ready for marriage and possibly a family? Not necessary of course, but nothing like it to create stability (which you may not want at this point).
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
