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I would do what I could to maintain the friendships. If that means going out only once or twice a week while the rest of them go out every day, then so be it. But keeping that circle of longtime friends should be a priority for you. I can see why you don't want to be a spendthrift but being a tightwad isn't such a good thing, either. I'd look for a middle ground.
But sometimes, that's hard because if you keep declining invitations to lunch or some other activity that involves money, the group of friends stop inviting you. If you go out and accept invitations much less frequently than the others, they will "forget" to tell you about an event and at some point, you will lose touch.
But sometimes, that's hard because if you keep declining invitations to lunch or some other activity that involves money, the group of friends stop inviting you. If you go out and accept invitations much less frequently than the others, they will "forget" to tell you about an event and at some point, you will lose touch.
This is true; there's obviously a lot of bonding going on when they're together night and day doing fun stuff that I am not a part of. They also, like everyone else I associate with, live in another city, so in addition to being expensive activities, I'd have to pay for gas to commute to each and every one of them (and often it's one activity during the day and then another at night). There's much "woo-hoo"ing involved and lots of pics and videos posted to Facebook showing them loving life and retirement. It all seems a bit much to me! But I guess some of us are gallivators and some of us aren't...
My friends and I go to places that cost money occasionally but also do many free things such as taking walks at scenic places, playing games and cooking for each other.
But sometimes, that's hard because if you keep declining invitations to lunch or some other activity that involves money, the group of friends stop inviting you. If you go out and accept invitations much less frequently than the others, they will "forget" to tell you about an event and at some point, you will lose touch.
If going out once or twice a week with them isn't enough and they stop inviting you to things because you aren't available to go out with them every day, both day and night, then it might very well be that the friend group has become too demanding of your time and the friendships might have run their natural course.
That happens sometimes. Time to make some new friends.
You have a budget, you know what you can spend for "socializing/doing stuff/entertainment" or whatever you want to call it, and you do what you can or want to within that budgeted amount.
If that means going out once a week or twice a month, then that's that.
Or, get creative -- for instance, make a simple picnic basket with some sandwiches, some bottled waters, whatever, and invite a friend out on a nice day and treat them to a lunchtime picnic somewhere that's pleasant. Give the gift of your time, which is something people crave and wish they had more of in their lives.
My point is, why does every social encounter now have to set everyone back $20-50?
I understand your point. Social encounters usually need an organizing principle. The default is going out for food/drink.
As an alternative, we sometimes organize them around playing cards, book club discussions, and investment club discussions. They can be scheduled for after-dinner - so the out-of-pocket costs are more manageable (say, a pot of decaf coffee or maybe a tub of ice cream to be shared, or maybe a pot-luck desert).
My friends and I go to places that cost money occasionally but also do many free things such as taking walks at scenic places, playing games and cooking for each other.
One thing I loved about coastal New Jersey were the free concerts on Sunday nights in one place and Thursday nights in another all summer long. So much fun, different types of music, just bring your own chair. The organization that runs them does sell raffle tickets to help raise money, but you don't have to participate.
We have a Monday evening social pub crawl once a month. Somebody picks a place (with food), and we show up at the appointed time. It is a conversation thing, mostly, just among friends of about the same age. Younger people, usually grown kids, will come sometimes. It might cost about $30 by the time we leave. There is often a second stop if we leave the first place early. Everything closes at 9 PM so they can roll up the sidewalks. We don't need to be out late. I think half of the group would be "elder orphans" or living solo in retirement.
We used to have a get-together at our local brewery one night a week, but they have become a nightly music venue. The music is nice, but we can't shout over the musicians.
One of our friends had a stroke and laid on the floor for three days before the cops and landlord would let his brother go inside to see if he was okay. He recovered but elder orphans need to have a rescue plan if they might need help. A key under the flowerpot?
If going out once or twice a week with them isn't enough and they stop inviting you to things because you aren't available to go out with them every day, both day and night, then it might very well be that the friend group has become too demanding of your time and the friendships might have run their natural course.
That happens sometimes. Time to make some new friends.
That's fine if you live some place where there are a lot of people and it also helps if you live in a location with a warm climate. Outdoor activities can be cheaper than indoor ones.
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