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Though having spoken of this here some years back, things are the same. I only have an older sister and her adult daughter. All three of us have our own physical, emotional and lifestyle issues. We never somehow determine after-death plans...when I bring it up, it gets swept under the carpet. We don't really get along perfectly, having interactions that drain me and I worry a lot about what will be.
As mentioned, my closest (male) friend has moved miles away, and friendships established when younger faded over time and have not been in a position to create new friendships in my later years. (I am not a joiner, don't go to a church, etc.) It's not that I am not social either and am friendly in public, I just feel I would be careful when choosing to get to know another. (I don't have extra money to go gallivanting, either, which prevents me from situations urging that).
Though some medical tests this year showed no problems, I have an Osteoarthritic knee that has been suggested to have surgery on. I was able to have Physical Therapy which helped, and expect to obtain a different doctor who doesn't push surgery. I would need real support during recovery...which stresses me out almost more than the surgery, since I do things for myself. The other thing having been put off, is getting a droopy eyelid repaired, also having to rely upon others during recovery. Other than that, being fairly healthy it seems, is good.
So, though I can "be alone" easily, I worry about a lot. I have wanted to move to income-based housing for a while, though nothing appears possible. (I currently suffer from an inconsiderate neighbor above me, affecting my sleep and mood - another topic). I do my errands and have some comfort, but can feel depressed (having experienced depression, before).
If I imagine the following elements existing, I feel it would improve my outlook:
* Being able to move to a reasonable, appropriate place, without unnecessary neighbor disruption.
* Being financially well-off.
* Being more compatible with relatives.
* Establishing a couple of authentic, supportive friendships, again.
* Being able to feel secure.
People are living longer now than ever before and they are also having smaller families. Gone are the days when a family would all stay in the same town that they were born and raised in. Today's families are scattered and even if you have children, they may not live very near you.
To a degree, we can all anticipate being "elder orphans" to some extent and we should plan as best as we can for that time. Instead of assuming that our family members can drop their own lives/responsibilities to rush to our side at a moment's notice, we need to think about what we need to do for ourselves to make our lives easier as we age. The longer we can maintain our independence and do for ourselves the better our quality of life will be.
We can anticipate that at some point we will no longer be able to drive, mow our lawns, clean a large house or haul boxes of our belongings to Goodwill. How will we handle that?
She already checked out a reverse mortgage and said it's not for her. I don't know all the specifics. She has some mental limitations and I think she just doesn't have the wherewithal to deal with heavy duty financial decisions like that at this point. It's not mental illness or dementia but simply an inability to process and absorb certain types of information, which I can understand.
Appointment with a Certified Financial Planner that charges FEE ONLY (not any commission) may help develop a simple plan to follow. If her mental capacity is below what SEVERAL independent doctors believe impacts her decisions, she may need to appoint a guardian for her finances. Certified Financial Planners owe fiduciary to clients, thus they cannot suggest things that benefit the planner, only things that benefit the client, even to the detriment of the planner. A planner is just a fresh set of eyes to review her situation and be sure SHE is the one needing help, and not, for example, a case of her not following YOUR advice which you hold biases toward.
You say there’s no cognitive impairment, so it’s likely that any guidance you or others are offering at this stage is simply not helpful for her. Maybe I should read the pages of replies, but I’m sure other people have already given a vast array of opinions.
I only have an older sister and her adult daughter...We don't really get along perfectly...my closest (male) friend has moved miles away, and friendships established when younger faded...I have not been in a position to create new friendships in my later years...I don't have extra money to go gallivanting, either, which prevents me from situations urging that...
I think a lot of us are in the same boat and can relate, especially to the gallivanting part.
When did friendship become so expensive? A large group of people my age I used to hike with -- for free -- at some point grew older and less active and changed what they did for fun; I look on from a frugal distance... In any given week, instead of free hiking, they are going out to brunch/lunch/dinner in restaurants, attending a play/movie/performance, spending an evening at a winery with a live band, taking some sort of lessons, bowling or some other "pay for play" activity, or traveling (including overseas). Granted, these are all great and fun activities, but they all cost money, especially if done on a daily/nightly basis. How about just taking a walk together; eating at each other's houses, or meeting in a park for a picnic (each bringing his or her own food and drink)?
These are all middle-/upper-middle income retirees who can afford it, but if you can't?
I think a lot of us are in the same boat and can relate, especially to the gallivanting part.
When did friendship become so expensive? A large group of people my age I used to hike with -- for free -- at some point grew older and less active and changed what they did for fun; I look on from a frugal distance... In any given week, instead of free hiking, they are going out to brunch/lunch/dinner in restaurants, attending a play/movie/performance, spending an evening at a winery with a live band, taking some sort of lessons, bowling or some other "pay for play" activity, or traveling (including overseas). Granted, these are all great and fun activities, but they all cost money, especially if done on a daily/nightly basis. How about just taking a walk together; eating at each other's houses, or meeting in a park for a picnic (each bringing his or her own food and drink)?
These are all middle-/upper-middle income retirees who can afford it, but if you can't?
You don't go!
If money is the only thing holding you back from going all of those fun places with your friends, I'd get a PT job to get a little spending money. You wouldn't have to do everything they did but you could do some of it.
As far as inviting people over to your house to entertain goes.... It can cost money to feed a group of people, not to mention the time and effort put into cleaning the house and cooking the meal.
I just want to go out to lunch and a movie although a walk sounds nice, too.
As far as inviting people over to your house to entertain goes.... It can cost money to feed a group of people, not to mention the time and effort put into cleaning the house and cooking the meal.
Obviously you would rotate houses so no one person bears the brunt of feeing everyone...
My point is, why does every social encounter now have to set everyone back $20-50?
There's really no reason for it except that it's for whatever reason become the thing to do.
Obviously you would rotate houses so no one person bears the brunt of feeing everyone...
My point is, why does every social encounter now have to set everyone back $20-50?
There's really no reason for it except that it's for whatever reason become the thing to do.
Honestly, I think that women, in particular, get to a point where they are plain over cooking/cleaning/planning/preparing and want to just spend some of their hard earned retirement money going out and having fun.
One of the big reasons that I'm looking into retirement communities is because they tend to have a variety of community meeting places. You aren't on the hook to set a table or prepare finger sandwiches for your bridge club.
Also the older you get the more dietary restrictions and food intolerances people have. It gets harder and harder to find something that everyone can eat. Just hand us a menu and we can order for ourselves and enjoy each other's company.
Honestly, I think that women, in particular, get to a point where they are plain over cooking/cleaning/planning/preparing and want to just spend some of their hard earned retirement money going out and having fun.
Well, those same women could spend their hard-earned retirement money buying prepared foods to serve?
But I supposed that's not as much fun as going out to a restaurant.
Hey, I enjoy it, too; I just can't afford to do it 7-10 times a week (or, rather, I have other priorities for my hard-earned retirement money).
Well, those same women could spend their hard-earned retirement money buying prepared foods to serve?
But I supposed that's not as much fun as going out to a restaurant.
Hey, I enjoy it, too; I just can't afford to do it 7-10 times a week (or, rather, I have other priorities for my hard-earned retirement money).
There is no reason you should feel compelled to go out to eat 7-10 a week - that would be too much for most people. But, having a picnic at a park would get old after doing that 7 or 10 times a week, too.
And, again, you can buy a prepared lasagna to serve to your friends but if 2/3 of them can't eat it due to dietary restrictions, what's the point?
There is no reason you should feel compelled to go out to eat 7-10 a week - that would be too much for most people. But, having a picnic at a park would get old after doing that 7 or 10 times a week, too.
And, again, you can buy a prepared lasagna to serve to your friends but if 2/3 of them can't eat it due to dietary restrictions, what's the point?
Agreed; it's all a bit much! But at least my alternatives are more affordable. I'm simply observing that the cost of friendship seems to have risen in recent years; simple pleasures don't seem to be enough for most. What the other poster calls "gallivanting," which is a great old word, by the way; thanks for reviving it!
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