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Anyway, we've been discussing just staying here and instead having someone move into the house later that could maybe help us out when we're not capable any longer of taking care of things. Our house is large and would be paid off by then and has the ability to configure easily with in law suite, separate kitchen and entrance. My question is, has anyone here tried this? We could provide free room and board for a person in exchange for a few errands and chores. They should have plenty of time to pursue other interests (education, professional development, etc.). Does anyone here have any experience with this, first or second hand? Aside from finding someone compatible you can trust, what sort of issues might be expected? Thanks for any input.
I'm sorry. This is a fantasy that a number of seniors have: The honest, trustworthy, healthy youngster with a strong back who will be so pantingly grateful for a place to live that s/he won't even ask for a living wage. Assuming s/he will even take the job when it becomes apparent they will be on call 24 hours a day.
It is not going to happen. And it shouldn't happen because it is fraught with peril for YOU.
Let's say the healthy youngster simply refuses to do the "few errands and chores." He'd rather play Xbox all day. You tell him to move out and his response is: "Evict me." In many if not all states inhabiting a dwelling 30 or more days makes you a tenant...even if you don't pay rent.
The reality of home health aides, should you hire from one of those $20+ per hour agencies, is that they are often older women who cannot transfer a client unassisted. Some of the aides my MIL had were sicker than she was, because that is who will work for what those agencies pay them.
If all you want is errands and chores done, why not hire those out piecemeal instead of taking a stranger into your home? Later on you can explore a move into assisted living.
I'm sorry. This is a fantasy that a number of seniors have: The honest, trustworthy, healthy youngster with a strong back who will be so pantingly grateful for a place to live that s/he won't even ask for a living wage. Assuming s/he will even take the job when it becomes apparent they will be on call 24 hours a day.
It is not going to happen. And it shouldn't happen because it is fraught with peril for YOU.
Let's say the healthy youngster simply refuses to do the "few errands and chores." He'd rather play Xbox all day. You tell him to move out and his response is: "Evict me." In many if not all states inhabiting a dwelling 30 or more days makes you a tenant...even if you don't pay rent.
The reality of home health aides, should you hire from one of those $20+ per hour agencies, is that they are often older women who cannot transfer a client unassisted. Some of the aides my MIL had were sicker than she was, because that is who will work for what those agencies pay them.
If all you want is errands and chores done, why not hire those out piecemeal instead of taking a stranger into your home? Later on you can explore a move into assisted living.
you are so right about those sickly home health aides!!
I've seen some scary situations here. Older ladies that can barely get around taking care of other older ill people - !
curiously nothing was posted about your wife's interests/wants/needs - just your own.....is she also interested in hot rods, loud movies, and shooting guns? once you're out of the picture (if you predecease her), will she be fine w/ woodsy living arrangement?
Yeah, we've been together almost 30 years now. She's obviously a keeper. We both go to cruise ins, spend evenings watching movies, playing with cats. She can't do much in the way of shooting, or more like is afraid to try I think. She's had a number of surgeries during the past 5 years that have compromised her strength and flexibility in the right arm....she shoots right handed.
We had bought about 5 wooded acres with plans to downsize and then reality reared it's ugly head. She was diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer and it really just took the wind out of both our sails. That's why we just decided to stay put. She feels tied to the medical community here, really likes the physicians and treatment she received....still has two more years to go on hormone therapy.
We just sold the property last month. But yeah, we are eye to eye on most things, she does like socializing with people more than I do but she has several close friends she goes out to lunch and ball games so keeps busy that way too.
I'm sorry. This is a fantasy that a number of seniors have: The honest, trustworthy, healthy youngster with a strong back who will be so pantingly grateful for a place to live that s/he won't even ask for a living wage. Assuming s/he will even take the job when it becomes apparent they will be on call 24 hours a day.
It is not going to happen. And it shouldn't happen because it is fraught with peril for YOU.
Let's say the healthy youngster simply refuses to do the "few errands and chores." He'd rather play Xbox all day. You tell him to move out and his response is: "Evict me." In many if not all states inhabiting a dwelling 30 or more days makes you a tenant...even if you don't pay rent.
The reality of home health aides, should you hire from one of those $20+ per hour agencies, is that they are often older women who cannot transfer a client unassisted. Some of the aides my MIL had were sicker than she was, because that is who will work for what those agencies pay them.
If all you want is errands and chores done, why not hire those out piecemeal instead of taking a stranger into your home? Later on you can explore a move into assisted living.
An excellent point. This has been in our minds and discussions but just thought I'd see if people here had any success. Obviously at this point, we're not committed to a particular path, just exploring options.
I know a disabled person who gives a room to her caretaker, who she painstakingly makes sure to ask very little of. I don't think such an arrangement is so rare as to be a fantasy, but I guess hard to find the right fit. I don't know anything about how the caretaker makes money to live, but she is very willing to do this small job for no rent or utility expenses. It's a good deal for her as well.
I have said this before on other threads - too soon is just the right time to be making changes.
When it's really time, it's too late. You are already out of your right mind because you had a stroke. You fell and broke your hip - so easy, just tripped over a log in that nice woodsy back lot. The person you thought would be perfect to come live with you (after 14 other interviews with people) left after two weeks. Your wife took a turn for the worse (God forbid, but it happens).
All these things happen one day, and the next day your whole world is upside down. If there's planning to do, it's great that you're doing it now, before you need it.
I put my vote in with those who caution against having someone outside the family come stay with you. There is too much at stake here, and often hired help is not as dependable as you expect.
Depending on the area it may be very difficult to find a quality live in assistant. I know of two instances that started well and deteriorated making it very hard to change. I have seen better results with part time / drop-in help with that may be available from $15 to $20 and hour (depending upon skill needed and area) with some that can help with personal and medical needs.
It can be too expensive for many in the US, depending on level of care needed (hours per day, dead weight lift requiring 2 aides, injections and/or IVs requiring nursing skill). We endeavored to keep my FIL in his own home, but towards the end he needed 2 full-time aides (mobility) and the best cost estimate we got was about $600 a day for two aides, 24 hours. I think the rate was 16 per hour per aide for 16 hours; then 1 aide at 10 an hour for 8 hours (sleep time). We got estimates from 3 agencies, some were unbelievably high.
It is very common and affordable here in Mexico where we live...in fact we purposely bought a home with a casita in case we ever need full-time live-in help.
Competent aides average 45 to 55 pesos an hour, a LPN equivalent is 60 pesos an hour. At current exchange rate, 45p = 2.35 USD.
I have known more than one scumbucket who made a living preying on older people. They start out seeming to be helpful and end up stealing and trying to get in line for any inheritance or possessions.
Good live-in help will cost you. Seems many seniors have the fantasy of remaining in their home and having a live in person who magically has no outside life or demands a livable wage. The truth is when you need a full live in person you will be at a point of requiring help with bathing, dressing or toileting which will costs about $20 an hour. There is no way around that. If you just need some errands to be run then hiring a person a few hours a day (from a reputable agency) is a much better choice.
Over 30 years ago my grandparents had a live in caregiver. A woman who was trying to earn her nursing credentials in the US was willing to live 24/7 with my grandparents for room, board, and a small stipend. Her entire family (including children) were still in India. This worked for about 6 months until she left for a real nursing job and after that it was hard to find anyone who did not have a life outside of working.
And one last thing--you need to make plans for if you become incapacitated while having a live-in caregiver. Caregivers are NOT legally responsible for your wellbeing. What happens if you have a sudden health crisis (stroke, etc)? Who will be responsible and carry out your wishes?
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