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I prefer to limit gift giving to the children. I can buy anything I want or need and get it in the right size and color. There is no need to get me anything.
Pretty much, yes. We've been getting each other gifts to charity in my family for over a decade now. When I think of gifts I've received that I actually wanted, it was only when someone realized that I might like my own of something I'd borrowed from them, or an extraordinarily beautiful bouquet of flowers, or a wanted food gift. My MIL has been asking for only consumables or gifts to charity for at least 20 yrs now.
Wife grew up loving presents which were a big deal in her family. Took me 10 years to get her to expect no presents.
I can relate to your wife's experience, because presents were a big deal in my childhood family and even more so during the time that I was married. Especially then. The concept of "no presents" would never have gotten any traction in either family, ever. Even the concept of only spending $100 on a gift for an immediate family member would have been a non-starter.
As for what I'd prefer, well, I have always been super fussy when it comes to actual items. I loved getting presents BUT I always hated getting presents that I have no place, use, or liking for. My parents, husband, son, and best friends knew what my interests and tastes were/are, so those gifts were always spot on.
But that was then and this is now, when things are very different both in terms of other people and my own finances. I hate that I can no longer afford to spend what I used to on gifts.
My son always asks me pre-holiday if there is anything in particular, or any store or website in particular, that I'd like. He knows that the answers often change from year to year. But I'm perfectly happy to get gift cards to Amazon, Whole Foods, iTunes, or any one of the various mail order nurseries that I regularly buy from. I like being able to choose exactly what I want or need.
But "no presents" will always be unthinkable, LOL. I am still having a hard time with the curent just one or two gifts situation, because it always used to be four or five per adult and more than a dozen per child.
Although I have to mention one constant peeve: People who give lottery tickets. My DIL's parents always put between $5 and $10 worth of scratch-off lottery tickets into every birthday and holiday card, and I honestly wish they wouldn't. I know it's the thought, etc etc, and they obviously think it 's fun but to me it's just money thrown away. If they really want to spend an extra $5 or $10 on me, I'd rather they add that amount to whatever gift card they've also given me. At least that way it would be put to some real use.
Definitely "no gifts" here and fortunately my family agrees. Dad, siblings and I all doing well and if we don't have it then we don't want it/need it. DH and I didn't exchange gifts either except early on in the relationship and one year when I bought him a set of vintage cast-iron pans (huge success). I gave DS and DDIL a Costco Executive Club membership and they're very happy with that. I may eventually get my granddaughters presents but right now I give them experiences (we're all going to the KC Ballet Sugar Plum Fairy Ball next week) and stash money in their 529 accounts.
Years ago when I still had family we gathered on Christmas Eve for a dinner and did exchange gifts but it was very different. It was my parents, aunts uncles, cousins and all their spouses and children. Each family member (adults and kids) would spend no more than $10.00 and wrap the gift with no name tag. We would put them all under the tree and draw numbers from a bowl. #1 would choose a gift 1st and so on. BUT after you opened the gift you had the option to take someone else's gift. Of course the 1st person couldn't do this and the last got to choose from everything. We all had the best time and some of the gifts were actually cute and some were funny gag gifts.
Years ago when I still had family we gathered on Christmas Eve for a dinner and did exchange gifts but it was very different. It was my parents, aunts uncles, cousins and all their spouses and children. Each family member (adults and kids) would spend no more than $10.00 and wrap the gift with no name tag. We would put them all under the tree and draw numbers from a bowl. #1 would choose a gift 1st and so on. BUT after you opened the gift you had the option to take someone else's gift. Of course the 1st person couldn't do this and the last got to choose from everything. We all had the best time and some of the gifts were actually cute and some were funny gag gifts.
My friends and I used to do this every year at a Christmas party one them held. We either bought a gag gift no more than $5.00 or had to bring a white elephant relic from home. The game has an actual name but I can’t recall what it is.
In the immediate family, we have started using Amazon wish lists exclusively. You can link other places or link nowhere with a description to buy something locally if you don't like Amazon or can't get something there. The idea is to only get people things they really want and/or will use. I have recreational items on mine, but I also have a belt, a shirt and some socks. We put more things on than we expect to get so that there is some element of surprise, but not the element of getting something you won't use. I prefer not getting gifts from others outside the family because it is unlikely to be something I want or need and then makes me feel obligated to get them something they probably don't want or need.
BTW, it's only been in the last couple of years that I have gotten gifts I didn't really pay for from within my family (wife and kids). That played a big part in why I pushed the idea of ditching the notion of surprises. I have never really understood the idea of (paraphrasing) "it ruins the Christmas spirit to ask for and get things you want; it's better to let people spend your money to get each other things they didn't ask for and may never use". I am getting a very nice 60th birthday present right after Christmas. I ordered it the other day.
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