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Status:
"Smartened up and walked away!"
(set 28 days ago)
11,792 posts, read 5,798,330 times
Reputation: 14221
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ocnjgirl
My finances? I didn’t mention them at all. I’m simply saying if these men cut contact with their families it had nothing to do with being overseas. They didn’t just not visit they apparently cut contact with them altogether for years them tried to reach-enter their lives when they were broke and sick. That has nothing to do with retiring overseas. You can keep in touch in many ways that cost nothing, again these vets apparently chose to run away from their lives and families and cut off all contact with them, that is NOT retiring overseas scenario it’s a troubled vet scenario.
I said it’s not any harder for someone in Indiana to visit a relatives in Mexico than California. I never said it was affordable. But the person who can’t afford to visit Mexico also can’t afford to visit California so again it has nothing to do with retiring overseas.
You keep reading into posts -
"Having lived away for so many years, they have squandered a lot of their “family equity”. They have very few supports, many were estranged from their children and barely knew their grandchildren.
I realized from working with the veterans and their families that it was not necessarily that their families did not care for them, but having not had interaction with them for decades, they did not feel a closeness with that individual. "
Not having family equity does not mean they up and had no communication but that they didn't have a close connection like many do when the kids and grandkids live nearby or they are able to visit. I was much closer with my grandmother who lived in the same town than I was with the one who didn't drive and lived an hour away when I was a kid.
Now maybe some of them had little contact but I know many older people who only talk to their kids once a month if that because the kids are too busy with what's going on in their own lives. You can't blame the elderly person for that.
You want to point fingers and make assumptions when sometimes it might be completely out of the person's control. I wouldn't move overseas because I know neither I nor my kids would see each other more than once a year if that.
And no you didn't mention finances but were jumping on the fact that it would be just as easy to go to Mexico as California assuming people could indeed afford it.
"Having lived away for so many years, they have squandered a lot of their “family equity”. They have very few supports, many were estranged from their children and barely knew their grandchildren.
I realized from working with the veterans and their families that it was not necessarily that their families did not care for them, but having not had interaction with them for decades, they did not feel a closeness with that individual. "
Not having family equity does not mean they up and had no communication but that they didn't have a close connection like many do when the kids and grandkids live nearby or they are able to visit. I was much closer with my grandmother who lived in the same town than I was with the one who didn't drive and lived an hour away when I was a kid.
Now maybe some of them had little contact but I know many older people who only talk to their kids once a month if that because the kids are too busy with what's going on in their own lives. You can't blame the elderly person for that.
You want to point fingers and make assumptions when sometimes it might be completely out of the person's control. I wouldn't move overseas because I know neither I nor my kids would see each other more than once a year if that.
And no you didn't mention finances but were jumping on the fact that it would be just as easy to go to Mexico as California assuming people could indeed afford it.
I remembered very clearly what was said in that post. A. It doesn’t sound like they “retired”’overseas to save money. It sounds like they took off to escape from real life with little planning. It says they were “estranged” from their children, which to me sounds like they left while young while their kids were still kids or never called or write let alone come to visit. People who simply choose to retire overseas are not going to just cut everyone off whether they can afford a plane ticket or not. Not having contact with your own kids for decades has not one thing to do with retiring overseas and much more to do with emotional problems many vets have.
My point about visiting was because just the fact of being overseas doesn’t mean visits are any harder than if the person lived in a far away state right here. Perhaps instead of saying it’s just as easy to visit Mexico from Indiana I should have said it’s just as hard to visit someone in California, as in just as costly. The point was distance mKes it costly not that it’s another country.
I would never retire overseas either. But that story is not a cautionary tale about the dangers of retiring overseas, it’s a cautionary tale about running away rather than dealing with your mental health issues, and not repairing family relationships until it’s too late.
Just to clarify most of these individuals were not suffering from PTSD, substance abuse, or mental health issues. They were veterans who were members of our Geriatric Clinic, which is for veteran 65 and older. Most were been family men, who had had steady jobs all their lives, were married, and found that their benefits could not support their lifestyle.
They simply retired overseas, as many retirees do, to save money. When I say they were estranged from the family, I meant because they did not keep up much contact with them, due to limitations of their finances. Most of them were unable financially to return as often as they had anticipated. Others kept in touch via emails and phone calls, but found that it did not make up for the regular face-to-face contact, and participation in regular family activities. Many of them had hoped to be able to return home several times a year but weren’t able to do so. Their families were busy raising children and working, and did not have the finances or the time to travel regularly. Again very common to all retirees not only veterans.
Last edited by mercedesmarcelina158; 08-19-2019 at 11:26 AM..
I would never retire overseas either. But that story is not a cautionary tale about the dangers of retiring overseas, it’s a cautionary tale about running away rather than dealing with your mental health issues, and not repairing family relationships until it’s too late.
You definitely read way too much into my post. You assumed that the veterans that I was discussing had PTSD, mental health issues, or substance abuse. No you’re wrong, they had neither abandoned their families when their kids were young, nor did they cut out family ties. They did what many retirees do which is move to a lower COL area, or overseas to save money, only to find that trips home or an affordable.
If you read my post, I made no mention of issues with these veterans, other than financial. I have no idea how you assumed that they were people with mental health or substance abuse, not all veterans suffer from these. You assumed wrongly. While I did indeed treat many individuals with those problems, this is not the population I was referring to in this post.
I’m sure that anyone who moves far away from family, whether here in the United States, or overseas, would experience similar problems with family if they are not able to keep close contact with them, particularly face to face contact on a fairly consistent basis.
Last edited by mercedesmarcelina158; 08-19-2019 at 11:49 AM..
We actually know of several retirees here who decided to go South to live in Mexico. Mazatlan has had a large expat community for years. Our neighbors were retired and decided to split up. He lives on a boat in San Diego Bay and she wound up in Mazatlan.
In my case my wife’s family is overseas and they are not allowed to even visit here under our current immigration bs.
I don't know your situation but this brings up another reason some might retire outside the country - to be reunited with family. I know immigrants here legally who cannot bring in much of their family even to visit because tourist visas can be difficult to get for residents of many countries. Can you imagine the results if they handed out visitor visas to anyone in Honduras or Guatemala? You have to demonstrate pretty deep roots that ensure you will go back home which probably means you are living a better lifestyle there than you would have in the US.
Most everyone I know in both Las Vegas and Park City have moved from somewhere else. I can't think of a single person who did so because of money.
That’s odd. I plan to stay in Jersey but most Jerseyans who retire to North Carolina and other states mention lower COL before anything else.
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