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This is going to sound terrible but my husband turned 50 in August and the company he worked for let their employees retired with full pension if they've worked there for 30 years (If they want to). So he decides to retire because he had his 30 years in and wasn't happy working there anymore. I was NOT agreeable to this. Now he is driving me crazy! He has no hobbies, we live in a boring small town, he refuses to get even a part time job (which he promised me he would), does nothing around the house...I could go on and on. So now I am so unhappy and depressed I am not enjoying my life.
Anybody have any advice of what I should do? We've been married 26 years and I really don't want to get a divorce.
This is going to sound terrible but my husband turned 50 in August and the company he worked for let their employees retired with full pension if they've worked there for 30 years (If they want to). So he decides to retire because he had his 30 years in and wasn't happy working there anymore. I was NOT agreeable to this. Now he is driving me crazy! He has no hobbies, we live in a boring small town, he refuses to get even a part time job (which he promised me he would), does nothing around the house...I could go on and on. So now I am so unhappy and depressed I am not enjoying my life.
Anybody have any advice of what I should do? We've been married 26 years and I really don't want to get a divorce.
Why don't you get a job? He can stay at home and be boring, and you can get out of the house and do something productive.
I do have a job. I also hate my job ( and I can't quit for many reasons) and was hoping to be retired by the time I'm 55; but with him being retired now we can't afford to have me retired too.
Get counseling. Sounds trite, but he really needs it. Quitting a job and retiring is a major life event. You need to readjust as a couple to this new life. He apparently doesn't have a clue what he's supposed to do now and needs some direction. The library or community college might have courses or seminars in coping with retirement.
Does he have any friends who also took early retirement? He may get support there. Or maybe the wives can band together.
This is going to sound terrible but my husband turned 50 in August and the company he worked for let their employees retired with full pension if they've worked there for 30 years (If they want to). So he decides to retire because he had his 30 years in and wasn't happy working there anymore. I was NOT agreeable to this. Now he is driving me crazy! He has no hobbies, we live in a boring small town, he refuses to get even a part time job (which he promised me he would), does nothing around the house...I could go on and on. So now I am so unhappy and depressed I am not enjoying my life.
Anybody have any advice of what I should do? We've been married 26 years and I really don't want to get a divorce.
I think it is a matter of time!
Sooner he'll start to search how to fill his time.
Be patient, things should go for the best.
My best wishes of happiness to the two of you.
I do have a job. I also hate my job ( and I can't quit for many reasons) and was hoping to be retired by the time I'm 55; but with him being retired now we can't afford to have me retired too.
Hmmm. That puts a different spin on things. If you are working outside the home, and he isn't, then he should be doing all (or at least most) of the housework and cooking, IMO. 50/50 partnership. And it isn't fair for you to have to put your retirement plans on hold because he won't hold up his end of the deal. I agree with knoxgarden - counseling may help. Someone who can convince him that he still needs to contribute even though he's not working full time.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by knoxgarden
Get counseling. ... Quitting a job and retiring is a major life event. You need to readjust as a couple to this new life. ...He apparently doesn't have a clue what he's supposed to do now and needs some direction. ...
I'm in this camp + being optimistic
Quote:
I think it is a matter of time!...Be patient, things should go for the best.
How long has it been? I think it is natural to have some 'let-down-time' (varies on the individual, but 3 months is short... I feel it took me a yr to mellow out)
I'd... do some MBO (Management by Objective)
definately need to work this out TOGETHER... (don't nag, or even acknowledge you are peeved)
1) do a $ budget to understand what it takes to financially float the boat, and how you will handle future $$ needs (Vacation / emergency / care) Make sure you specify (and understand) WHY you are working,
2) do a time budget - what it takes to keep the place running... food cleaning, maint, gardening...
3) Set some goals (home repair / financial / educational)
a) divvy up the responsibilities to meet these goals
b) set specific time frames for getting stuff done
c) specify rewards AND Penalties for failing to get stuff done.
d) set up a 'kitty' for (vacation / dinner out / travel / toys / books / movies / furniture) so the one who gets their stuff done, gets a reward; the one who does not gets to stay home and 'get-er-done'
I retired at 49, and have spent 4 yrs getting more edu, hopefully I will graduate in May. I don't necessarily plan to go back to work, but may need to, and have studied in areas that are diverse, but compliment my previous career. I am doing some volunteer internships at the moment. I would think he would want to feel useful doing something. Sounds like you need a break, I would respond poorly by getting an additional job so I was home very little. If that didn't work I would get a job that put me on the road, so I wouldn't have to deal coming home and being upset. I figure it is a matter of time, and readjusting your priorities (both of you). I wouldn't take it too serious as a long term problem, but would try to make something creative come for this.
This is going to sound terrible but my husband turned 50 in August and the company he worked for let their employees retired with full pension if they've worked there for 30 years (If they want to). So he decides to retire because he had his 30 years in and wasn't happy working there anymore. I was NOT agreeable to this. Now he is driving me crazy! He has no hobbies, we live in a boring small town, he refuses to get even a part time job (which he promised me he would), does nothing around the house...I could go on and on. So now I am so unhappy and depressed I am not enjoying my life.
Anybody have any advice of what I should do? We've been married 26 years and I really don't want to get a divorce.
Well, since you are still working and plan to continue to do so, it should help "fence in" the amount of time that he really can drive you crazy. Assuming he didn't anticipate the retirement, this is a major life change for him to go through, so I would give it about 4-5 months and see if he starts to develop another life plan.
This is going to sound terrible but my husband turned 50 in August and the company he worked for let their employees retired with full pension if they've worked there for 30 years (If they want to). So he decides to retire because he had his 30 years in and wasn't happy working there anymore. I was NOT agreeable to this. Now he is driving me crazy! He has no hobbies, we live in a boring small town, he refuses to get even a part time job (which he promised me he would), does nothing around the house...I could go on and on. So now I am so unhappy and depressed I am not enjoying my life.
Anybody have any advice of what I should do? We've been married 26 years and I really don't want to get a divorce.
Even "boring small towns" have groups that need volunteers. Church groups, little league coaching, helping at the hospital? Any volunteer jobs that would mimic his previous work skills? Remember that he has just had 30 years of his productive work life cut out from under him. He probably is still trying to figure out if he's worth anything in today's marketplace. He may need your help in dealing with his grief at losing his job, added to the realization he is no longer the "bread-winner". He also may feel guilty that he chose to retire when you made it clear you opposed it. It sounds like you guys have a lot to talk about. Good luck.
I do have a job. I also hate my job ( and I can't quit for many reasons) and was hoping to be retired by the time I'm 55; but with him being retired now we can't afford to have me retired too.
If you cannot afford to both be retierd, was your original plan to retire from your job at 55 while your husband continued to work? I only ask because it sounds that way, but you're unappy with the opposite situation.
Retirement is an adjustment. My wife and I retired in October and we're still adjusting. After 30 or more years of getting up and going to work every day, it takes awhile to decompress. We do have many hobbies, so that helps, and we're looking into classes at the local community college as well.
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